Ive got a stalker

#1
Right, I seem to have a little issue.

The other week, I was in my local having a quiet pint and a chat to the barman when we were joined by some random tart.

Being the amiable chap that I am, I was quite happy making polite coversation with said doris and thought nothing more of it. On finishing my beer, I made my excuses and left...

Which is where the problem began...

She followed me home and started pestering me for money so she could get 'some gear'.

Quite rightly, I told the scroungin biatch to get fcuked and slammed the door in her mush. However, she is undetered and keeps coming round on the ponce, ringin the doorbell and shouting through the letter box... EVERY FCUKING NIGHT.

I am seriously un-chuffed, and am a bit unsure what I should do. I thought of windmilling into her with a couple of broken Apple korn bottles, but think this may lead to trouble with the Rozzers.

Advice please chaps, on how to dispose of this drug riddled window licker.
 
#2
pass on the info to your local bill
 
#3
capture her and store her in your tourtre room (i am assuming evertone has one, right?)

you can then use her as a second form of income charging other skag heads to abuse her suitably, this will also help her go 'cold turkey' and she will be thankful once she is off the smack.

is she at least good looking?
 
#4
Bring her to the Army-Navy game and raffle her backside for charity.........alternatively, can you tell my wife just to stop pestering you and get back home.
 
#5
invite her in to your house fill her full of cheap sainsburys vodka then use her to satisify your more animal cravings, once satisfied loan her out to fellow arrsers in exchange for special favours.
 

stet

War Hero
#6
tell her that youll give her a tenner if you can proform some seroiusly sick sex acts on her, she will either run and never return or agree. either way your on to a winner
 
#7
Coat the letter box with paint stripper
 
#8
Ask her if shes prepared to nosh you through the letterbox for a fiver.
 
#9
stet said:
tell her that youll give her a tenner if you can proform some seroiusly sick sex acts on her, she will either run and never return or agree. either way your on to a winner
Yuk, just had a mental vision of that Japanese p*ss girl
 
#10
lol get het to do that!
 
#11
sandmanfez said:
Ask her if shes prepared to nosh you through the letterbox for a fiver.
don't put the paint stripper on in that case :D
 
#13
stet said:
tell her that youll give her a tenner if you can proform some seroiusly sick sex acts on her, she will either run and never return or agree. either way your on to a winner
got to be a winner..gets my vote


:twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
 
#15
Social_Handgrenade said:
Right, I seem to have a little issue.

The other week, I was in my local having a quiet pint and a chat to the barman when we were joined by some random tart.

Being the amiable chap that I am, I was quite happy making polite coversation with said doris and thought nothing more of it. On finishing my beer, I made my excuses and left...

Which is where the problem began...

She followed me home and started pestering me for money so she could get 'some gear'.

Quite rightly, I told the scroungin biatch to get fcuked and slammed the door in her mush. However, she is undetered and keeps coming round on the ponce, ringin the doorbell and shouting through the letter box... EVERY FCUKING NIGHT.

I am seriously un-chuffed, and am a bit unsure what I should do. I thought of windmilling into her with a couple of broken Apple korn bottles, but think this may lead to trouble with the Rozzers.

Advice please chaps, on how to dispose of this drug riddled window licker.
maybe you should be a bit more charitable to the person who brought you into this world ;)
 

Auld-Yin

ADC
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#16
Social_Handgrenade said:
Right, I seem to have a little issue.

The other week, I was in my local having a quiet pint and a chat to the barman when we were joined by some random tart.

Being the amiable chap that I am, I was quite happy making polite coversation with said doris and thought nothing more of it. On finishing my beer, I made my excuses and left...

Which is where the problem began...

She followed me home and started pestering me for money so she could get 'some gear'.

Quite rightly, I told the scroungin biatch to get fcuked and slammed the door in her mush. However, she is undetered and keeps coming round on the ponce, ringin the doorbell and shouting through the letter box... EVERY FCUKING NIGHT.

I am seriously un-chuffed, and am a bit unsure what I should do. I thought of windmilling into her with a couple of broken Apple korn bottles, but think this may lead to trouble with the Rozzers.

Advice please chaps, on how to dispose of this drug riddled window licker.
Just divorce her - make sure you keep the house though (although from what you say you may have been through that :wink: )
 

Similar threads

New Posts