Its the uniform its... taking... over!

I am told that I am nice guy, a decent bloke, a good chap, polite and honest, a ‘personable’ chap. However whenever I put on my greens I take on a strange alternate persona:

I become a foul mouthed, uncouth, happily route around scratching by bollocks and ass crack in front of ladies squaddie.

I become incapable of uttering a sentence without inserting fcuk or cnut, and my capacity for alcohol seems to magically increase.

My farts become louder and smellier, and I relish the effect it has on the mini-bus full of my comrades as they gag and cough on my noxious bodily gasses.

My IQ halves and my sense of humour becomes childlike.

I actually enjoy getting wet, muddy, being fecked around and hanging out of my arse whilst doing some pointless test of physical machismo.

Is this normal, or am I schizophrenic? (feck me that was an effort spelling that word, and I only have my OG T-Shirt on so far)

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