its that day again

#1
its that day again when im forced to leave the car at work and let the dogs sit at the frount door, fill a super soaker with piss.

thats right its national chav knocking on my door day damanding sweets and money

i was away last year my wife was a right mess for afew days after so this year i will be fully prepared
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#3
The_Goon said:
Where the hell do you live?! 8O
I think he is HRH and lives in a big house on The Mall.
 
#5
Are you seeking volunteers for your local defence force?

Try this.....

Buy box of the ambassadors fave choccies, unwrap and eat them (keeping the wrappers).
Buy cooking chocolate and brussels - see where this is going yet???
Cook the brussels and then smother in choc. Wrap and give to kids when they come round.....

Or, Toffee onions instead of toffee apples :twisted:
 
#6
i live on one of those estates that has mostly been sold of to civys ine side of the road is mq the other is mostly benafit cheats and the dregs of society

i have a realy large gun dog that will be positioned in the front garden its on the property so if he bites there its not my problem legaly any how
 
T

TheSnake

Guest
#8
What you need is a Colin !!
<---------
He has this knack of jumping up at the front door (clear glass) and just stares straight ahead. The perfect chav deterrent.......
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#10
TheSnake said:
What you need is a Colin !!
<---------
He has this knack of jumping up at the front door (clear glass) and just stares straight ahead. The perfect chav deterrent.......
I have Henry that does that, and growls, drools and menaces. But perhaps a dog would be better.
 
#11
ukdaytona said:
Are you seeking volunteers for your local defence force?

Try this.....

Buy box of the ambassadors fave choccies, unwrap and eat them (keeping the wrappers).
Buy cooking chocolate and brussels - see where this is going yet???
Cook the brussels and then smother in choc. Wrap and give to kids when they come round.....

Or, Toffee onions instead of toffee apples :twisted:
now that amuses me, I'm off to lidls for onions and chocolate
 
G

Goku

Guest
#12
When the little darlings come a knocking tonight give them little chunks of poo wrapped in Quality Street foil.
A guarantee they wont be back next year :D
 
#13
Find an unoccupied house and break in as soon as it gets dark, unpack your bergan and lay out the treats you have prepared.

Spend the rest of the evening opening the front door with a benevolent smile on your face (practice this first in the mirror if it doesn't come easily to you) then lavish poisoned sweets and chocolate bars on every spotty chav with a cheap monster mask and bedsheet round his shoulders who demands "trick or treat".

The last few 'treats' you issue can have razor blades or needles pushed inside them if it amuses you. At the end of the evening simply pack up and leave the way you came. Check you have left nothing behind and that there is no obvious forensic evidence that could link you to that ahhem.....other business...in ahem.....where you got a bit...erm.. 'carried away' last month.
 
#14
theoriginalphantom said:
ukdaytona said:
Are you seeking volunteers for your local defence force?

Try this.....

Buy box of the ambassadors fave choccies, unwrap and eat them (keeping the wrappers).
Buy cooking chocolate and brussels - see where this is going yet???
Cook the brussels and then smother in choc. Wrap and give to kids when they come round.....

Or, Toffee onions instead of toffee apples :twisted:
now that amuses me, I'm off to lidls for onions and chocolate
Lidls, how common. I thought you were better than that TOP :wink:
 
#15
Ord_Sgt said:
theoriginalphantom said:
ukdaytona said:
Are you seeking volunteers for your local defence force?

Try this.....

Buy box of the ambassadors fave choccies, unwrap and eat them (keeping the wrappers).
Buy cooking chocolate and brussels - see where this is going yet???
Cook the brussels and then smother in choc. Wrap and give to kids when they come round.....

Or, Toffee onions instead of toffee apples :twisted:
now that amuses me, I'm off to lidls for onions and chocolate
Lidls, how common. I thought you were better than that TOP :wink:
Do you think I'm going to go to M&S/sainsburys/tescos and get them decent chocolate/toffee? The savings I make can be put towards a worthy cause, ie a bottle of rum
 
#16
I find halloween a good time to get all three cars out on the drive and spend an hour or two washing them, the garage doors, the mountain bikes, wheelie-bins etc with my pressure washer.
Anyone who even looks like they might set foot on my property gets a torrent of water and abuse directed at them.
 
#17
Hmmm... See I am much gentler and also a bit less keen to spend money. Each Christmas households everywhere end up with random chocolates left in the tin because no one likes them (brazil nut toffee anyone?) so now I just buy two tins of chocolates near Halloween, open them both and tip them out, then stick the ones nobody in my household likes in one tin and the rest in the other. Result-trickortreaters get sweets at no great loss to yourself and you just have the ones you like. :wink:

Mind you some of the earlier ideas here sound pretty nifty.... :twisted:
 
#18
We have no need for such actions in Gloucestershire, those who have checked the local paper will have noted the following
1) Special POLICE patrols to keep a lid on activities, working with 'street wardens'(???)
2) A down-loadable/ printable sign telling people to F off (politely).
3) On a similar matter, The Law will be on special patrols on a similar mission dealing with fire-works over the coming week.
www.thisisgloucestershire.co.uk
One bloke has posted a comment asking what has happened to people that they can no longer deal with such simple matters without the state getting involved.
 
#20
Nicht gadumpenze, check out the link...
Still it is good to know that they are serious about crime. I mean, what are they going to actually do to some 11 yr old who is being a bit of a pain in the ass?
 
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