it's great to be a bloke

It’s great to be a bloke because:

Your arse is never a factor in a job interview.
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You don’t give a rat’s arse if someone notices your new haircut.
Wrinkles add character.
You know stuff about tanks.
People never glance at your chest when you are talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don’t cut, blister or mangle your feet.
Your underwear is £5.00 for a 3 pack.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with “So, notice anything different?”.
You can appreciate great sport.
You can throw a ball more than 5 feet.
One mood, ALL the damn time.
A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
Dry cleaners and hairdressers don’t rob you blind.
You can go to a public toilet without a support group.
You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
If you are over 30 and single, nobody notices.
Everything on your face stays its original colour.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger’s seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don’t have to clean your flat if the electricity meter reader is coming.
You can sit in silence watching a football game with your mate for hours
without ever thinking “He must be mad at me”.
You don’t mooch off other’s desserts.
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you
just might become lifelong friends.
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colours.
You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don’t have to shave below your neck.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one colour, all seasons.
You can “do” your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives,
on December 24th, in 45 minutes.

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