It just doesn't get any better, a news article just made for ARRSE.

theoriginalphantom

MIA
Book Reviewer
again? He's in the Mong thread
 
At least all the papers put "slipped and fell on it" in inverted commas.
 
Apparently, this sort of thing used to happen more than people generally realised according to my Mam, who was a RGN and strictly religious.

That's not to say she didn't smirk and shake her head at these stories.
 
I always wonder how the conversation goes when they first turn up in cases like these.

”Can I help you Sir?”

”Erm, I have an artillery shell up my arse and I can’t get it out”

”You fooking what?” :D

Or the clinical notes. “Male patient, 42 y.o, presented with foreign object rectally captive. Object identified as Shell, HE, 57mm, QF 6pdr, circa 1942“.
 
Apparently, this sort of thing used to happen more than people generally realised according to my Mam, who was a RGN and strictly religious.

That's not to say she didn't smirk and shake her head at these stories.

I remember a Driving Instructor at DST Leconsfield spinning me a dit about when he was in during the Fire Brigade strikes in 1977 and 1978. His mob had been sent to cover somewhere in London in the old Green Goddesses - their first shout was to gain entry to a property where the homeowner had not been seen for some time.

They duly fired up the Green Goddess and headed off to the address and broke down the front door for the local Constabulary to gain entry. On entering the bedroom, it appeared that the homeowner had decided to engage in some "bum fun" with a well lubricated broomstick.

Unfortunately for the gentleman in question, he was a bit too liberal with the lubrication, and by all evidence, had slipped on a patch of Vaseline with the broom in situ, which resulted in him falling backwards and the broom handle burrowing its way up though his colon and exiting somewhere around his neck.

The accompanying Policemen also stated this was a common occurrence. :-D
 

Nemesis44UK

LE
Book Reviewer
I always wonder how the conversation goes when they first turn up in cases like these.

”Can I help you Sir?”

”Erm, I have an artillery shell up my arse and I can’t get it out”

”You fooking what?” :D

Or the clinical notes. “Male patient, 42 y.o, presented with foreign object rectally captive. Object identified as Shell, HE, 57mm, QF 6pdr, circa 1942“.

How long is a 57mm HE shell?

Did his rectum cause a vacuum and it got sucked all the way in? If not, why not just pull it out?

Enquiring minds want to know.
 
How long is a 57mm HE shell?

Did his rectum cause a vacuum and it got sucked all the way in? If not, why not just pull it out?

Enquiring minds want to know.
Only works for 20mm or smaller

Erm...apparently
 

AlienFTM

MIA
Book Reviewer
I always wonder how the conversation goes when they first turn up in cases like these.

”Can I help you Sir?”

”Erm, I have an artillery shell up my arse and I can’t get it out”

”You fooking what?” :D

Or the clinical notes. “Male patient, 42 y.o, presented with foreign object rectally captive. Object identified as Shell, HE, 57mm, QF 6pdr, circa 1942“.
And therein lies the problem. Had he used the warhead from a Shell, APDS, 57mm, QF it'd've been far less invasive.
 

rampant

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
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