It Is Still Only February...

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Rocketeer, Feb 21, 2005.

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  1. shortest gawdam month of the year and its still herre...
    spent the afternoon shovelling 18 cm of snow off the drive..

    crap..

    got me thinking since I can't get away to some tropical tourist spot that maybe I could create my own..so, if anyone else wants to follow suit, here's the plan:

    1] put away the vacuum and let the dust bunnies proliferate..there's a distinct line between filthy build-up on the floor and a sandy beach motif..[ is that a seashell?.. ooh, a toenail clipping ..]

    2] Make any drink tropical by adding Malibu. Scotch and Malibu? Sure.. Rusty Coconut, anyone?

    3] Tell your friends the party is only for " Registered Guests " hotel policy..but you'll take MasterCard and Visa..

    4] Tell them they can only use the bathroom if they bought the " all inclusive " package.

    5] BBQ Sauce on Everything!

    6]Anytime someone spills a drink on the carpet, call it an environmental disaster and file for international aid.

    7] Hire Buster Poindexter to come and sing " HotHotHot" over and over again...then kill him..

    8] Hire the remaining Beachboys to sing " Kokomo " [ but don't let them see the rotting corpse of Buster ]

    9] two words: TOILET SNORKELLING!!

    10] No pole? No problem: Play Moral Limbo!!.. Steal someone's purse, sleep with your buddy's girl, tell your kids you're not their ' real ' daddy!.. how " low " can you go?

    11] Theme up the bathroom.. Nothing says exotic like puking by the light of a tiki torch.

    12] Hold a treasure hunt. hand out ' olde tyme ' maps, pass out picks and shovels and then sneak out and paint a big X on the lawn of someone you hate.

    13] Beach Volleyball!!.. Roll up the carpet - hardwood floors won't stop the real atheletes from diving for the ball..once.. it may stop them a second time, but only til the cast comes off..

    14] A moonlit skinny dip in the fish tank..nuff said..

    15] to create the pampered beach-resort feel, turn down the covers on your bed, put a mint on the pillow and steal someone's wallet.

    16] Invite bloated, sun-burned and overweight American tourists to wander shirtless through your living room snapping pictures and saying pithy things like " hot enough for ya?'

    17] Order margaritas from the bar round the corner..see if they'll give you a 10% discount for 'pick-up ' orders.

    18] Hire a small man to play Tatoo from Fantasy Island.. better yet..get a tatoo of a small man playing Tatoo, then watch the universe as it collapses in on itself.

    19] When your drunken mate, Steve, passes out, point him out to guests as the volcano Stevopicho. Who knows when he'll blow again?

    20] Charge money to climb him.

    21] Build a roaring fire in the living room. Then gather your friends to bask in its warmth before you all run screaming from the building as the fire brigade arrives.

    22] better yet, crank up the thermostat until everyone is sweating. tell them the Skygod is angry and can only be appeased by the traditional shedding of clothes.. but just the women, the Skygod is homophobic.

    23] teach yourself to play the ukelele [ then teach yourself to live without friends ]

    24] Cornrows for Everyone!!

    25] Complain to anyone who will listen how your place was so much ' cooler ' before it was listed in Lonely Planet...

    Better start that website and get ready to rake in the ' bookings' by Paypal...
     
  2. February just became the longest month
     
  3. it's fooookin' cold , i hate cold! why do you think i go away on holidays, anywhere is warmer than here !
     
  4. It's bloody freezing here! On/Off snowing all day! 8O
     
  5. Rocketeer, where do I sign?

    Quality. My dad would pay for that too.
     
  6. There is a difference between mounting and climbing Slug! You need to pay people for the former.
     
  7. your dad would pay to climb on a passed out pi*s head dirty fecker see where you get it now
     
  8. It was glossy photos of Toilet Snorkeling that convinced you , wasn't it?
     
  9. Hey Rocket, you aught to come visit. Today's high was a balmy 78 degrees farenheit. Partly cloudy with a light breeze blowing, and all of the young college girls wearing as little as they can get away with! :p :D
     
  10. I learned from the best. I like the smell of kebab farts too. Good job eh?