Is this the worst news you could ever hear from a doc?

Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by msr, Apr 5, 2007.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. msr

    msr LE

  2. Q; how bad is it, doc?
    A: I wouldn't buy any green bananas

    Q: How long have I got, doc?
    A; 10...
    Q: what? ten months? days? what?
    A: 9...8...7....
  3. Someone dropped a bo11ock there....

  4. I think I know him, he looked like he'd lost a stone or so.

    I'll get me coat. :oops:
  5. This bloke goes to the doctors and has an exam, after the doctor says to him "Bad news I'm afraid, you have a new strain of Aids that is called HIV 556, it means you will be dead within three days." "are you sure, I can't believe it ??" says the bloke.
    Doctor tells him to make the most of it.
    He goes home and says to his mum "I've got HIV 556", his mum says "what does that mean then ?"
    He says "It means I will be dead in three days"
    "tell you what, come down the bingo hall with me" his mum says.
    "The bingo hall" he replies, I'll be dead within three days.
    Anyway they go to the bingo hall and he wins everything, four corners, any line, full house, up come the lottery results and he's won £15 million.
    The bingo caller says to him "I've never seen anyone so lucky"
    "Lucky !! he replies, I've got HIV 556"
    "Bloody hell" says the bingo caller, "You have won the raffle as well !"
  6. So the left one would have been the right one... er....oops
  7. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    Poor bloke must be knackered. Mind you, it takes spunk to allow someone to operate on yer nads. I hope they sack the bloke responsible.
  8. It was a complete and utter ball up!
  9. I love this:

    <<The hospital changed practices as a result of the case, he added.>>

    Rock on! Big of you! So you're going to try to cut off the correct bo11ock in future!

    As for bad tidings... I bet John Wayne Bobbitt's doctor had some pretty fun news to pass on when he woke up!
  10. I'm honestly surprised by this story. A septic only going for $200k after such a massive balls up? Can't be right.

    On the up side, there's considerably less chance of them taking the wrong one next time now....
  11. wasn't there a fairly recent(last few years) cock up where a surgeon removed the wrong kidney,and left the diseased one in?
  12. old_fat_and_hairy

    old_fat_and_hairy LE Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    I heard they were going to cultivate the testicle, and then clone from it, thus guaranteeing a new president to carry on from Bush.
  13. Surely not... the new one would have balls and culture :D
  14. old_fat_and_hairy

    old_fat_and_hairy LE Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    I stand corrected! My geography of anatomy was wrong, it was his asshole they were cloning to replace Bush.
    Bush did have an arse transplant, but the arse came back to Downing Street.
  15. Looked after someone who following a rta had his kidney removed as it was damaged only for them to discover he only had one oops .
    Personally would have got the lumocolours out