They just had to do it, didn't they? Not contenting themsleves with screwing up The Italian Job and Get Carter, the Yanks have decided to have a go at The Long Good Friday. Link I can't imagine how they think they're going to recreate the high ideals embodied in Harold's "hands across the ocean", the terrorist theme with the emerging threat of the IRA and the sheer baseness of the film when they're shooting it in Miami. The utter televisual rubbish that has spewed from that city - "Miami Vice" and "CSI" - does not bode well for this most beloved of British ganagster movies. I will be prepared to eat my hat, but only if it is a critical (rather than a box-office) success, although I suspect it will be neither. Any odds on Gandolphini or Sizemore for the male lead? Perhaps if Charlize Theron took the Helen Mirren role, I might be tempted to see it, but I just can't imagine anyone other than Bob Hoskins addressing a bunch of his peers, as they hang in a meat locker by their ankles, with the immortal words: "I looked after you, even when you were out of order!"