Is my missus mate a Mlaaaring Panhead?

Is she a proper Mlaaarrr?

  • Yes - Inflate the Balloons and fizz up the tango

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • No - You are as offensive as a Ginger Tit hair

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Just ram it up her hoop like a dry stick

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Total voters
    0
#1
She is a bit of a one old 0A Domestic.

She's got this mate. Nice enough in her own way, but has ISSUES.

Now she isn't dribbling or licking windows but there is an undertow of......well, quite frankly.......monginess.

She suffers from the black dog of depression and has recently been diagnosed with Seasonal Affected Disorder which to me sounds like a reason to cry when the sun isn't out.

So what I want to know is should I give in to my baser instincts and just treat her like the Mong I suspect she is?

Edit to add: I have just been reminded of her light box! :roll: Cost her £300 to improve her mood! Try not crying ffs!
 
#2
Seasonal Affected Disorder
What the fuck in all that is holy is that supposed to be???

Is there a Ministry of Making Up Stupid Fucking Afflications Department?


Treat the freak like a Tescos trolley collector.

Try and get her to self harm before the end of the month. A real bloke/squaddie would.
 
#4
The-Lord-Flasheart said:
Seasonal Affected Disorder
What the fuck in all that is holy is that supposed to be???

Is there a Ministry of Making Up Stupid Fucking Afflications Department?


Treat the freak like a Tescos trolley collector.

Try and get her to self harm before the end of the month. A real bloke/squaddie would.
SAD is a disorder that effects certain people who have lower levels of seratonin in their brain. Seratonin is a chemical which affects mood. It is manufactured by I believe by the body by converting energy from sunlight. light boxes are just an array of "natural light" light bulbs that you sit in front of to increase seratonin levels.

It is an alternative to the chemical treatments of which fluoxitine seems to be the most common. Trade name Prozac which (if im right) increase the number of receptors in the brain so the body can utilise more of its natural seratonin.

the best alternative of course is January to march in the bahamas :)
 
#5
OK, this might be so bleeding obvious that many of us may have overlooked it, but:

She's been diagnosed with SAD in the middle of fecking August???
 
#7
crabtastic said:
She's been diagnosed with SAD in the middle of fecking August???
Looking out of my window at the p1ssing rain I can partly understand it. Apart from the fact that SAD is an excuse for split-arses to skive...
 

Biped

LE
Book Reviewer
#9
If she is indeed a mong, the the decent thing to do is to slam one up her hoop whenever she's not locked under the stairs with the light box and a lolly. It would be churlish not to.
 

mysteron

LE
Book Reviewer
#10
I am going to ask this with my head held in shame (my Wah meter is firmly set to off).

Please could someone define Mlaar. On completion of an answer, my wah meter will be turned back on. I have searched through ARRSEpedia and googles it but nothing found.

Thanks.
 
#11
Kermit said:
big-timer said:
Apart from the fact that SAD is an excuse for split-arses to skive...
Quite, never met a bloke diagnosed with SAD...
I get grumpy towards Xmas, but only cos I get dragged to parties full of people I dont like, and all my money disappears from my bank account in the build up to pay for playstations and things for the kids. I hate fcuking turkey and getting dragged out of bed a 0500 by my overexcited offspring.

However there is already a remedy for this ailment.

BOXING DAY,

Down the pub all day, loads of sport on the big screen, strippers and no work the next day.

Best day of the year.

As for your missus mate. Get her on the Variety bus
 

Biped

LE
Book Reviewer
#12
mysteron said:
I am going to ask this with my head held in shame (my Wah meter is firmly set to off).

Please could someone define Mlaar. On completion of an answer, my wah meter will be turned back on. I have searched through ARRSEpedia and googles it but nothing found.

Thanks.
Unfortunately, the thread for Mllarrs has been deleted, but I'll try and help you.

Mlarr = window licker, spazzo, lollipop licker, dribbler etc, etc.

Edited to add: moonhead, moonface, drooler . . .
 

mysteron

LE
Book Reviewer
#13
Great, happy with that - I thought so, but you have to check. Wah meter now back on. Thanks.
 
#14
SAD is just another hype disorder that no-one will be diagnosed with in about 5 years time.
The only real thing this disorder does is pay the therapists' mortgage!

She does probably actually suffer and does actually feel depressed. This is actually due to low serotonine levels. The best cure is to grow a backbone and some character.

As all soldiers know this takes training. Running is proven to increase serotinine and other neurotransmitter levels in the body.

So here's my professional diagnosis and cure: She suffers from recurrent brief depression or probably dysthymia. This is probably caused by a lack of strength of personality (backbone).
The cure, get her bloodchemistry back in order and at the same time get her some strength of character. You do this by BEASTING THE BITCH!
Take the woman for a run twice a week.
 
#15
crabtastic said:
She's been diagnosed with SAD in the middle of fecking August???
Not been outside much this month then?! :twisted:


Look she has mental health issues right? So knob her, using a condom. Pat around her oh be joyful with some sellotape to pick up any extraneous DNA. Wait for her to cry rape and then point to her record of mlaaring issues. Hey, you could probably even get some compensation too...

Did I mention I was evil personified? Sorry, an oversight not deliberate I promise...
 
#16
As an aside, I've just looked to the poll above and noted which option is currently winning. I wonder what question you would have to ask here on Arrse in order for the answer 'Just ram it up her hoop like a dry stick' not to be the clear winner?

B-T
 
#17
its early in my part of the world, so maybe I'm misreading the advice.. but.. " take her running." ???

This is a euphemism for filling her various orifices with manglue and not to be taken literally, right?

I mean FFS.. Go running with her??


unless you mean: putting a collar and lead on her , al a Fido, and holding it out the window of the car as you drive down to the local for a 'refreshing frosty beverage . "

could you please clarify for me.. I'm still suffering from DAS { DELAYED ALCHOHOL SYNDROME }
 

Biped

LE
Book Reviewer
#19
Rocketeer said:
its early in my part of the world, so maybe I'm misreading the advice.. but.. " take her running." ???

This is a euphemism for filling her various orifices with manglue and not to be taken literally, right?

I mean FFS.. Go running with her??


unless you mean: putting a collar and lead on her , al a Fido, and holding it out the window of the car as you drive down to the local for a 'refreshing frosty beverage . "

could you please clarify for me.. I'm still suffering from DAS { DELAYED ALCHOHOL SYNDROME }
I think he meant to say 'horizontal jogging, with you just ramming it up her hoop like a dry stick'.

I hope this clarifies things for you.
 
#20
Sluice_dweller said:
crabtastic said:
OK, this might be so bleeding obvious that many of us may have overlooked it, but:

She's been diagnosed with SAD in the middle of fecking August???
Have you been in the UK this year? How much sun have you seen!!!!
As much as it goes against my better judgement :p
I have to agree with crab. I mean SAD in august ffs definately a mong.
 

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