Is my Dog perfect in this PC World?

#1
As I bimbled from place of work today I looked down on the mingebag that is my dog and thought "Fucking Hell - the PC police would love you" for the following reasons.

1. He is "Ethnic"

Jock - for that is the angry furballs moniker, is by breeding of Scottish descent. He was actually born in Wales. He is also black. He therefore would go straight to the top of any London Councils Housing list should he choose to make an application.

2. He is as camp as a row of pink tents.

He just can't help wanting to bum our other male dog. Serious minds try to tell me this is a dominance game (kinky!), but I am yet to be convinced. Particularly as he likes nothing more than to lick our other dogs todger, and to lie back and let the other dog do the same to him.

3. He is a Dwarf.

With incredibly stumpy legs, any stairs are viewed with suspicion. He also dislikes - intensely - anything larger than him. He is not on the best terms with 99.9% of things in the world.

4. He eats his own shit.

And then tries to lick your face. There are no time limits on when he will return to this alfresco haute cuisine. Other Faecal fancies are Rabbit and Horse. He likes a good roll in Fox shit. He poo 'taches me roughly three times a day. With his tongue.

By my reckoning he is a Gay ethnic dwarf with attention deficit issues.

Any other arrsers with pets that would get them to the top of the Benefits tree?
 

Ravers

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#4
I used to have a male albino dwarf guinea pig that used to bum the shit out of my (also) male rabbit.
 
#5
MY flatmates got a tank full of tropical fish. The males have got dead frilly tails to make them look more attractive to females, but I reckon making such a big effort to look good, they have to be gay. Or PTIs.
 
#6
I thought that PC World had a "No dogs except guide dogs" policy.
 
#7
AS long as he can sell a thick punter a 200 quid coverplan with his 5.99 mousemat then he's in.
 
#9
MrShanklysboots said:
4. He eats his own shit.

quote]

This can be solved cover said deposited turd in Jamacan Hot Sauce, He will soon get the idea not to eat it, (worked wonders for my dog) Still i have'nt quite worked out why my dog humps her bed as she has not got male tackle.
No Knob ergo cannot dominate. :D
 
#10
MrShanklysboots said:
2. He is as camp as a row of pink tents.

He just can't help wanting to bum our other male dog. Serious minds try to tell me this is a dominance game (kinky!), but I am yet to be convinced. Particularly as he likes nothing more than to lick our other dogs todger, and to lie back and let the other dog do the same to him.
Double date the f*cker with Sluggy's dog Pip,that'll cure him!
 
#11
I've got two black chav-esque female cats, and they'd be ideally placed for benefit fraud if they didn't spend all day lying around the house, licking their own arrses and giving me filthy looks just for having the audacity to exist in front of them.

I may have to burn them.
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#12
MrShanklysboots said:
is by breeding of Scottish descent. He was actually born in Wales. He is also black. 4. He eats his own shit.
Well, he cant have everything.

Where would he put it?

Books said:
This can be solved cover said deposited turd in Jamacan Hot Sauce, He will soon get the idea not to eat it,
You aint quite got the hang of degs, have you?

Clue: Preventing the furry little gits from shitting on everything on the plot, then eating it, then trying to fuck it, aint the way forward, you know? Let us let the hairy little freaks do what we can only dream of.
 
#13
skintboymike said:
I've got two black chav-esque female cats, and they'd be ideally placed for benefit fraud if they didn't spend all day lying around the house, licking their own arrses and giving me filthy looks just for having the audacity to exist in front of them.

I may have to burn them.
I remember the look they gave me as I dared to exist with you one day.

Somewhat similar to the one Darth Vader with breasts gave you after that mess do....
 
#14
MY Afghan/GSD is very good at digging trenches, but also hates people from eastern places, and my girlfriend, who is from Newbridge, Gwent
 
#15
roadster280 said:
Mine hates black people. Doesn't give a $hit about the law, goes nuts when he sees one. Snarls, barks, fur up, the whole 9 yards.

What a cracking guard dog. Round here, we occasionally get trouble from the "boys in the hood" (literally) the wrong side of the tracks. They give our place a wide berth.

The irony is, he's black himself.
Its a shame he dont get picked on by the plod............

"Is it coz I is black..............."
 
#16
MrShanklysboots said:
skintboymike said:
I've got two black chav-esque female cats, and they'd be ideally placed for benefit fraud if they didn't spend all day lying around the house, licking their own arrses and giving me filthy looks just for having the audacity to exist in front of them.

I may have to burn them.
I remember the look they gave me as I dared to exist with you one day.

Somewhat similar to the one Darth Vader with breasts gave you after that mess do....
...and is still successfully giving me on a regular basis to this very day. :(
 
#17
MrShanklysboots said:
3. He is a Dwarf.

With incredibly stumpy legs, any stairs are viewed with suspicion. He also dislikes - intensely - anything larger than him. He is not on the best terms with 99.9% of things in the world.



My Bold but obviously the owner isn't to PC otherwise you would have known that the said word is very unPC and the phrase P.O.R.G should be substituted in place. Person Of Restricted Growth.
 
#18
ark-angel said:
MrShanklysboots said:
3. He is a Dwarf.

With incredibly stumpy legs, any stairs are viewed with suspicion. He also dislikes - intensely - anything larger than him. He is not on the best terms with 99.9% of things in the world.



My Bold but obviously the owner isn't to PC otherwise you would have known that the said word is very unPC and the phrase P.O.R.G should be substituted in place. Person Of Restricted Growth.


We're not allowed to call them dwarves? That's a bit shit. Can we still keep them as pets, or is that 'not very pc' either?
 
#19
You can have upto 3 as pets but they must be kept in a warm room or they start scratching at your door to be let in to lie on the bed to get warm.
 
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