Is my Dog perfect in this PC World?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by MrShanklysboots, Mar 12, 2009.

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  1. As I bimbled from place of work today I looked down on the mingebag that is my dog and thought "Fucking Hell - the PC police would love you" for the following reasons.

    1. He is "Ethnic"

    Jock - for that is the angry furballs moniker, is by breeding of Scottish descent. He was actually born in Wales. He is also black. He therefore would go straight to the top of any London Councils Housing list should he choose to make an application.

    2. He is as camp as a row of pink tents.

    He just can't help wanting to bum our other male dog. Serious minds try to tell me this is a dominance game (kinky!), but I am yet to be convinced. Particularly as he likes nothing more than to lick our other dogs todger, and to lie back and let the other dog do the same to him.

    3. He is a Dwarf.

    With incredibly stumpy legs, any stairs are viewed with suspicion. He also dislikes - intensely - anything larger than him. He is not on the best terms with 99.9% of things in the world.

    4. He eats his own shit.

    And then tries to lick your face. There are no time limits on when he will return to this alfresco haute cuisine. Other Faecal fancies are Rabbit and Horse. He likes a good roll in Fox shit. He poo 'taches me roughly three times a day. With his tongue.

    By my reckoning he is a Gay ethnic dwarf with attention deficit issues.

    Any other arrsers with pets that would get them to the top of the Benefits tree?
  2. There is a job waiting in the Police . That would tick so many "diversity" boxes.
  3. Hey, Avon and Somerset Fire Brigade will be after him when they read this.
    Blue Watch here we come!
  4. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    I used to have a male albino dwarf guinea pig that used to bum the shit out of my (also) male rabbit.
  5. MY flatmates got a tank full of tropical fish. The males have got dead frilly tails to make them look more attractive to females, but I reckon making such a big effort to look good, they have to be gay. Or PTIs.
  6. I thought that PC World had a "No dogs except guide dogs" policy.
  7. AS long as he can sell a thick punter a 200 quid coverplan with his 5.99 mousemat then he's in.
  8. I don't know- is he computer literate?
  10. spike7451

    spike7451 RIP

    Double date the f*cker with Sluggy's dog Pip,that'll cure him!
  11. I've got two black chav-esque female cats, and they'd be ideally placed for benefit fraud if they didn't spend all day lying around the house, licking their own arrses and giving me filthy looks just for having the audacity to exist in front of them.

    I may have to burn them.
  12. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    Well, he cant have everything.

    Where would he put it?

    You aint quite got the hang of degs, have you?

    Clue: Preventing the furry little gits from shitting on everything on the plot, then eating it, then trying to fuck it, aint the way forward, you know? Let us let the hairy little freaks do what we can only dream of.
  13. I remember the look they gave me as I dared to exist with you one day.

    Somewhat similar to the one Darth Vader with breasts gave you after that mess do....
  14. MY Afghan/GSD is very good at digging trenches, but also hates people from eastern places, and my girlfriend, who is from Newbridge, Gwent
  15. Its a shame he dont get picked on by the plod............

    "Is it coz I is black..............."