As I bimbled from place of work today I looked down on the mingebag that is my dog and thought "Fucking Hell - the PC police would love you" for the following reasons. 1. He is "Ethnic" Jock - for that is the angry furballs moniker, is by breeding of Scottish descent. He was actually born in Wales. He is also black. He therefore would go straight to the top of any London Councils Housing list should he choose to make an application. 2. He is as camp as a row of pink tents. He just can't help wanting to bum our other male dog. Serious minds try to tell me this is a dominance game (kinky!), but I am yet to be convinced. Particularly as he likes nothing more than to lick our other dogs todger, and to lie back and let the other dog do the same to him. 3. He is a Dwarf. With incredibly stumpy legs, any stairs are viewed with suspicion. He also dislikes - intensely - anything larger than him. He is not on the best terms with 99.9% of things in the world. 4. He eats his own shit. And then tries to lick your face. There are no time limits on when he will return to this alfresco haute cuisine. Other Faecal fancies are Rabbit and Horse. He likes a good roll in Fox shit. He poo 'taches me roughly three times a day. With his tongue. By my reckoning he is a Gay ethnic dwarf with attention deficit issues. Any other arrsers with pets that would get them to the top of the Benefits tree?