Is my car possessed? Or is it just a voodoo curse?

Discussion in 'Cars, Bikes 'n AFVs' started by Tartan_Terrier, Dec 16, 2007.

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  1. I've had my car for nearly three years now, but recently it's started to worry me.

    First of all, it seems to have grown it's own form of cruise control. Now even though this is technically an upgrade, since I didn't have cruise control to start with, it's a tad annoying since it only likes driving at 45 mph (no matter if it's in third or fourth).

    Also the fact that it's started revving itself up while I'm stopped at pedestrian crossings makes me worried that at some point it's going to lose control completely and run over one of those worried looking pedestrians who hurry across zebra crossings whilst shooting me nervous glances.

    The final straw was this morning as I was scraping the ice off the windscreen. All of a sudden the car started going like this:

    "vrooooom, vrooom, VROOOM, vroom, vroom, vrooooom, vrooom, VROOOM, vroom, vroom, vrooooom, vrooom, VROOOM, vroom, vroom, vrooooom, vrooom, VROOOM, vroom, vroom"

    As I opened the car door to see which one of the kids were playing at driving I noticed that they were all huddled together on the back seat with frightened looks on their faces (actually two of them were fighting and one was texting her friends on the mobile, but that would ruin the dramatic effect).

    As I have watched the film 'Christine' once or twice, I know that the radio should start playing hits from the fifties as the entity takes over, but the entity in my car seems to have a more varied taste in music (Paul Weller this afternoon, and Avril Lavigne this morning, and I will try Kylie Minogue tomorrow).

    I haven't given my car a girl's name yet (well it's an Escort, so I can call it whatever I like as long as I give it petrol), but perhaps I should do so. Any thoughts?

    Another thing which puzzles me is that according to everything I've learned from the film 'Christine' is that if possessed the car should be able to repair itself. This is unfortunately not the case, which leads me to lean more towards the voodoo curse option.

    In any case, would it be a good idea to put Holy Water in the radiator?'

    Any help from the more enlightened ARRSE members would be much appreciated.

    Yours in fear and dread.
  2. I have seen this before. On a Volvo.
  3. I had the same thing happen with my car, I believe it turned out to be a fault with the Engine Management System or something.
  4. Or it could just be fcuked.
  5. Fuel ECU...

    operates the auto choke and throttle, common problem on Fords.

    No major drama, leave it alone it wont do any major harm.

    or buy a decent motor you pikey :)
  6. Thanks for the replies guys, it's not totally supernatural then?

    So I suppose that means that cleansing by fire isn't absolutely necessary?
  7. It will be the ECU - had the same thing with my motor. Get it changed and if you have an airflow intake connected to it, change that as well.
  8. No no. If you change the ECU without getting it matched to your Ford immobiliser, it'll not run at all, ever, in a month of Sundays.

    I'd have a look at the coolant temperature sensor. If this is telling porkies to the ECU, fuelling and ignition timing will be all over the shop.

    If your Escort is one of the Scouse built ones, check out the fuel holding relay, a known issue.

    Sell it and buy a Rover.
  9. Err.., I wasn't suggesting he did it himself.
  10. Get a witch doctor to have a butchers at it.
  11. It's an Escort, therefore minimum 7 years old. Why not have a go yourself. The motor is probably only worth about £700 (unless it's a Cossie) and that's less money than a full day of a main dealer's time.

    If it's got EECIV (Electronic Engine Control, version 4), get the fault codes read. Or buy a fault code reader. From £20 of eBay.

    Or sell it and buy a good car, like a Rover.
  12. dance naked on the bonnet whilst splashing chicken blood on passers by. Do this on a Saturday afternoon for 20 mins and that will fix it
  13. Here you go:


    This car has a 4.6 litre Ford Mustang engine. This car is the best combination - American muscle under British control.
  14. Nice car, but due to the utterly insane Danish car taxation system (and the fact that it's a RHD), I won't be rushing out to buy it.
  15. Good God man! Do you mean you have one of those horrid things with the steering wheel on the other side? Work of the Devil, no wonder johnny foreigner has so many accidents.

    Being serious for a moment, there's probably not a whole lot wrong with your car - it's a Ford, and the oily bits are usually pretty reliable. You most likely have a sensor out of range if it's a Zeta or Zetec engine - get your fault codes read. If it's the older CVH engine (compound valve hemi) check for blocked breather pipes from the crankcase to the oil filler cap.

    If it's an "Endura" engine (1.1 or 1.3 litre) that's just a fancy name for the good old Ford crossflow, a practically unburstable, if a little crude engine. If it is a crossflow, is it carburettor fed or fuel injected?