There is a man trapped in my cellar, wearing just a para t-shirt and y-fronts. I am feeding him on dog biscuits and diet (ewwww) coke. Slingsby says I should let him free and I don't agree. I might black nasty him, shove him in my car, and chuck him out on the middle of the A303. I kept him blindfolded at all stages, so he can't recognise me. Or shall I just set fire to him?