Is Kidnapping a Bad Thing?

#1
There is a man trapped in my cellar, wearing just a para t-shirt and y-fronts. I am feeding him on dog biscuits and diet (ewwww) coke. Slingsby says I should let him free and I don't agree. I might black nasty him, shove him in my car, and chuck him out on the middle of the A303.

I kept him blindfolded at all stages, so he can't recognise me.

Or shall I just set fire to him?
 
#4
Is the shirt his (i.e. is he one of us) or is he a Walt?

Keep him a bit longer until Stockholm Syndrome kicks in saves all the police interviews.

Or ask a friendly farmer to start starving the pigs...................
 
#5
Rincewind said:
Depends - what sort of Dog Biscuits?

Rincewind
Winalot Shapes.
 
#6
Para tshirt and y fronts?

1) No Para I've encountered would be seen dead in yfronts. It's best he stays locked up, for his own safety.
2) If he is a Para, insist it's training. He's probably loving it, although maybe you should consider getting some latex male genitalia and prodding him with it, to make it more realistic.
3) What ever you end up doing with the black nasty, bare in mind it leaves sticky marks (esp around the wrists and ankles) that are a bugger to shift.

ct
 
#10
Help - I have been kidnapped, im in a room, i hear noises...... I need food, E&E does not count here..... Who the Feck said Y fronts - twat?!
 
#11
Just wait till you fart the flood of rancid old semen that flies out will drown the poor cnut while you nip out to Bargin booze for your daily 6 pints of vodka fix
 
#12
crouching_tiger said:
Para tshirt and y fronts?

1) No Para I've encountered would be seen dead in yfronts. It's best he stays locked up, for his own safety.
2) If he is a Para, insist it's training. He's probably loving it, although maybe you should consider getting some latex male genitalia and prodding him with it, to make it more realistic.
3) What ever you end up doing with the black nasty, bare in mind it leaves sticky marks (esp around the wrists and ankles) that are a bugger to shift.

ct
I'm told nail polisher remover will remove the nasty sticky marks!!
 
#13
The_Duke said:
Don't just kidnap him, demand a ransom for him as well.

FFS, if a job's worth doing, it is worth doing well!
What?

You've obviously never done this before. Go and watch "Silence of the Lambs" for some pointers.

Any Bill Oddie worth the title would by now be prancing around stark b0llock, half covered in a cloak made of human skin, tackle fixed twixt thighs (droopy beef curtains will suffice for dorii), shouting phrases such as "Would ya f uck me? I'd f uck me." and "Pain? You don't know anything about pain!" into a full length mirror in an overly deep voice whilst an effeminate terrier yaps at their heels.

Hope you've got plenty of lotion, Dale.

Oh, wait. The victim, was he "a great big fat person? Hehehe!"?
 
#14
It must be getting pretty crowded in your cellar dale. Over the last five years, several dozen tradesmen, paperboys and squaddies have vanished in "The Richmond Triangle" Let us know when your home movie compilation goes on general release, there may be some faces I recognise in "The Yorkshire Strap-on-schlong Massacre"
 
#15
Come on Dale spill,

Is he a Bill Oddie (49 Para mins notice to move, wait out....) or a Walt (Stand down condition normal)

Or just the Milkman trying to get paid wearing the shirt he found on the skeleton of the last man to cross you!!?
 

The_Duke

LE
Moderator
#16
gingwarr said:
The_Duke said:
Don't just kidnap him, demand a ransom for him as well.

FFS, if a job's worth doing, it is worth doing well!
What?

You've obviously never done this before. Go and watch "Silence of the Lambs" for some pointers.

Any Bill Oddie worth the title would by now be prancing around stark b0llock, half covered in a cloak made of human skin, tackle fixed twixt thighs (droopy beef curtains will suffice for dorii), shouting phrases such as "Would ya f uck me? I'd f uck me." and "Pain? You don't know anything about pain!" into a full length mirror in an overly deep voice whilst an effeminate terrier yaps at their heels.

Hope you've got plenty of lotion, Dale.

Oh, wait. The victim, was he "a great big fat person? Hehehe!"?
So mess about just for shits and giggles then? Or work smarter - Demand the ransom, fail to hand the victim over after money exchange and then "put the lotion in the basket"!

Up here for thinking, down there for dancin'!!! :D
 
#17
BigRed said:
Come on Dale spill,

Is he a Bill Oddie (49 Para mins notice to move, wait out....) or a Walt (Stand down condition normal)

Or just the Milkman trying to get paid wearing the shirt he found on the skeleton of the last man to cross you!!?
its pte golden dale has got pte golden at last burn the fcuker.
 
#18
On the A303?

Make sure its on the right bit, if you chuck him out around Stonehenge or Winterborn Stoke, rather than the desired effect of a quick elimination, all he'll do is bounce off a caravan and end up perched on top of the traffic jam. Plus a quick getaway may be hindered.... :D
 
#19
Anyone who has to listen to dale the snail would have to be kidnapped and held against there will, the boring old trout.
 
#20
Not again dale! ffs you trying to collect the users of arrse??

I pity whoever it is, I'm still recovering from the trauma you put me through.
 

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