Is Kidnapping a Bad Thing?

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by Dale the snail, Sep 21, 2006.

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  1. There is a man trapped in my cellar, wearing just a para t-shirt and y-fronts. I am feeding him on dog biscuits and diet (ewwww) coke. Slingsby says I should let him free and I don't agree. I might black nasty him, shove him in my car, and chuck him out on the middle of the A303.

    I kept him blindfolded at all stages, so he can't recognise me.

    Or shall I just set fire to him?
  2. Let him go, he's a harmless sort..... Oh there's an idea, hack off his limbs, then he'll be an armless harmless sort......

    Beebs :)
  3. Depends - what sort of Dog Biscuits?

  4. Is the shirt his (i.e. is he one of us) or is he a Walt?

    Keep him a bit longer until Stockholm Syndrome kicks in saves all the police interviews.

    Or ask a friendly farmer to start starving the pigs...................
  5. Winalot Shapes.
  6. Para tshirt and y fronts?

    1) No Para I've encountered would be seen dead in yfronts. It's best he stays locked up, for his own safety.
    2) If he is a Para, insist it's training. He's probably loving it, although maybe you should consider getting some latex male genitalia and prodding him with it, to make it more realistic.
    3) What ever you end up doing with the black nasty, bare in mind it leaves sticky marks (esp around the wrists and ankles) that are a bugger to shift.

  7. Then yes its a bad thing.

    Go and get some Bonio

  8. Are you only doing this because you,ve seen something similar on Emerdale sluggy?
  9. The_Duke

    The_Duke LE Moderator

    Don't just kidnap him, demand a ransom for him as well.

    FFS, if a job's worth doing, it is worth doing well!
  10. Help - I have been kidnapped, im in a room, i hear noises...... I need food, E&E does not count here..... Who the Feck said Y fronts - twat?!
  11. Just wait till you fart the flood of rancid old semen that flies out will drown the poor cnut while you nip out to Bargin booze for your daily 6 pints of vodka fix
  12. I'm told nail polisher remover will remove the nasty sticky marks!!
  13. What?

    You've obviously never done this before. Go and watch "Silence of the Lambs" for some pointers.

    Any Bill Oddie worth the title would by now be prancing around stark b0llock, half covered in a cloak made of human skin, tackle fixed twixt thighs (droopy beef curtains will suffice for dorii), shouting phrases such as "Would ya f uck me? I'd f uck me." and "Pain? You don't know anything about pain!" into a full length mirror in an overly deep voice whilst an effeminate terrier yaps at their heels.

    Hope you've got plenty of lotion, Dale.

    Oh, wait. The victim, was he "a great big fat person? Hehehe!"?
  14. It must be getting pretty crowded in your cellar dale. Over the last five years, several dozen tradesmen, paperboys and squaddies have vanished in "The Richmond Triangle" Let us know when your home movie compilation goes on general release, there may be some faces I recognise in "The Yorkshire Strap-on-schlong Massacre"
  15. Come on Dale spill,

    Is he a Bill Oddie (49 Para mins notice to move, wait out....) or a Walt (Stand down condition normal)

    Or just the Milkman trying to get paid wearing the shirt he found on the skeleton of the last man to cross you!!?