Is it worth flushing the bog before you have a dump?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Ballbag8669, Feb 6, 2013.

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  1. Right, I just went for a dump and forgot to follow my usual M.O. of carrying out a pre dump flush; the reason for which is to remove any traces of other user's effluent. As it happens, I also failed to put down the landing pladform/splash reducing piece of toilet paper. Inevitably, my ringpiece was subjected to splash back.The point is, I don't feel that disgusted. This leads me to think that my SOP of flushing and laying a landing pad may be wasted effort/resources and that I should stop.Thoughts?
  2. You have OCD and should see a shrink straight away.
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  3. You forgot to mention laying pieces of paper on the seat. Or do you hover?
  4. Actually, flushing the toilet or the urinal on the wall will aerosolize some of whatever has been growing there since the last flush. This means that if you are standing nearby you are breathing in, as well as being covered with, all the microscopic nastiness you are hoping to avoid.
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  5. Hovering is a good tactic for the experienced dumper, and I like the idea of laying toilet paper down on the seat. I don't use public toilets because they have plastic seats and I have a particular phobia of them; specifically that the seat will break and slide off the loo with me still sitting on it, and with my balls hanging down below the level of the porcelin they will be cut off.Doubtless there will be some who think I should have my balls cut off to contribute to the general improvement of the genetic stock. Sadly for them, I have already reproduced and drive a people carrier.
  6. Good lord!
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  7. Put the seat and lid down before flushing.... a good test flush is part of SOPS. This is to check that if after you have unloaded the contents of cargobay 1; and the warp core, you know that it will flush away, assuming that lots and lts of wiping material (Bay Wipes) ahve not been used. If said contents caused a backup, then if a Public toilet, finish up, pull up strides and leave quickly for the next joker to use......

    if at home, or friends.... then at least be a gentleman, and attempt to unblock.....

    As for hovering with erse over the bowl, this gets more difficult as you get older, especially if the knees ain't what they used to be.

    If sufferning from acute bad kebab guts ache, it is best to sit with erse shoved into bowl. A sudden urge to a projectile dump explosion of diarrhea could spray out sidways if sitting on bag seat. This has happened to moi, the spray went out sideways out both sides between the top of bowl and udnerside of bog seat. So as before, in Public toilet, SOPs... wipe up, strides up and Go, go, just go... and leave for the punter to dump.!!

    disgusting ain't it!!
  8. Oh dear, you have put your health at such immense risk i feel this could be fatal, there is a reason why elderly folk live so long namely 'double incontinence', they only ever come into contact with their own effluent.
  9. How does this get into the Intelligence Cell? It's a load of shit.
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  10. What you experienced was a phenomenon otherwise known as 'King Neptune's Kiss.'
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  11. There is also teh problem of the gutstick touching the pan or seat. The revulsion I feel when this happens is acute and would welcome suggestions to ensure this is avoided in future.
  12. Gender reassignment.
  13. Of course all this could be avoided in the most hygienic way possible - that is the old fashioned shovel recce

    1. Arm yourself with the packing from a 10 man Compo Box and a few slices of the old tracing paper that we used to use !

    2. Take a walk into an isolated wood or forest and find yourself a nice bush or tree - nice and soft (ferns are best) and not too prickly !

    3. Dig a suitable recepticle to the parameters of the Compo packing and approximately 12 foot deep (I'm thinking environmentally friendly now)

    4. Place delicate buttocks onto the edges of the Compo Packing and..............

    Fall in......................
    • Like Like x 1
  14. Why not shit in the shower like a real man?
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  15. WRT gender reassignment, when out and about in town of an evening and need a dump, I do tend to use the ladies. They smell less satanic and there is less chance of vomit being on the seat. That said, if I had the snip I would be compelled to sit down at every visit to the toilet. So for that reason alone...not keen. keep the suggestions coming though. Outside the box thinking is what we're all about.