Is it time for the British Army to say sorry?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Aleegee1698, Jul 14, 2011.

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  1. I was just thinking about this, is it time we apologised to, well, almost the whole planet for all the naughty things we ve done over the last decades/centuries?

    Heres just a few ideas:

    1) Taxi drivers worldwide who go out of their way (quite literally) to get abused, beaten, yazzed on and robbed, purely for not speekin Inglish or having the cheek to ask for money

    2) Greenpeace and other Treehuggers, for all the destruction we caused, all those broken branches, crushed flowers, and thousands of tonnes of POL and Hull-drops all over Soltau et al

    3) Millions of (mainly) females, who have been used, abused and tossed into the corner (especially when we found out they were preggers), they loved us, and we treated them so badly

    4) Decent, law-abiding, gorgeous females who worked the NAAFI bars, only to be abused when calling last orders :)

    5) Barkeepers, Hoteliers worldwide, trying to earn an honest living, only to find out that the Squaddy rented rooms are devoid of furniture/fittings, theres shit in the sink, urine in all drawers and cupboards, and someone puked in the DVD player

    6) The RMP s and SIB, for causing them all that paperwork

    7) Any Countries we invaded (maybe)

    My soul is now clean, I repent, I ve been wanting to rid that out of my system for a while, especially that thing with the Cypriot Taxi driver at Radio Sonde in 86.

    You too could be re-born tonight, able to walk through the church doors with your head held high, repent, the end is nigh!

    "Then Good CO said unto them, Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Tropper for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Arrse Challenge Coin."
     
  2. what!!! man the fuck up!! you must be a shit egg banjo maker
     
  3. When did decent, law-abiding, gorgeous females start working in NAAFI bars?
     
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  4. Erm NO, they should be eternally greatful that they were civilised by superior people. Unless they want to give back everything we gave them - Modern: Science, Engineering, Technology, Medicine, Industry, Economic Philosophy, World Trade, Infrastructure, Judicial Systems, Agricultural Methods etc. etc.

    If it were not for Britain invading their countries, Sambo and fuzzy wuzzy would be sitting in loin clothes, banging on drums and eating termites and the lice from each others hair.

    If they are ungrateful then fuck em
     
    • Like Like x 1
  5. Depends on how many pints you've had I suppose.
     
    • Like Like x 2
  6. Are you one of "The superior Fuzzy-wuzzy killers" then?

    Which of the "Science, Engineering, Technology, Medicine, Industry, Economic Philosophy, World Trade, Infrastructure, Judicial Systems, Agricultural Methods etc. etc." have you personally exported to the Fuzzies?

    Stacker, its called Wit.
     
  7. On the whole I think that list only refers to behaviour normaly expected of a British Soldier in the presence of, erm, foreigners, not like our predecesors of years gone by who once let loose in some foreign ville, happily raped and otherwise despoiled the local femmes or anything with a pulse, so taken all in all, I say no appols needed.
     
  8. I have never been to Hong Kong, India or Africa Etc. So I do not personally claim to have exported anything. My ancestors did however.
     
  9. Sounded as you actually meant yourself.

    My Mum s Dads, Great (x 20) Grandfather, yeh, his mates half-sisters Dad, was actually, no, you re not gonna believe this right, Winston Churchills Great Great Grandfather, but we dont like to brag about it or cover our own inadequacies with those of our Ancestors.

    have nt you got homework on?
     
  10. You are seriously missing out and depriving yourself of some of the cheapest whores in the world. For the price of a daily paper they'll gladly rim your hole, introduce you to the family and lie there stoically as you remove their breasts with a Gerber.
     
    • Like Like x 2
  11. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    I'd like to apologise to the following people who's lives I have probably ruined:

    The tuk tuk driver in Madras who's tuk tuk I stole and wrote off.
    The cab driver in Bangkok who's cab I stole and wrote off.
    The tuk tuk driver in Goa who's tuk tuk I stole and wrote off.
    The fisherman in Torquay who's boat I stole and wrote off.
    The motorcycle rental man in Penang who's motorcycle I stole and wrote off.
    The cherry picker driver in Brazil who's cherry picker I stole and wrote off.


    Hmmm there appears to be a pattern emerging here.
     
    • Like Like x 4
  12. Guilt is for Catholics. Don't regret a thing, including all the Hiipacrocadillapigs I shagged at the Brompton and Chattenden stomps.
     
  13. The British Army certainly needs to apologise to me for all the damage it inflicted on my liver.

    And knees, back, morals,...
     
  14. udipur

    udipur LE Book Reviewer

    The old man says he was in the army when shooting wogs was still legal.

    Probably not worth an apology, though, Shirley?
     
  15. '1) Taxi drivers worldwide who go out of their way (quite literally) to get abused, beaten, yazzed on and robbed, purely for not speekin Inglish or having the cheek to ask for money'

    Yes, if the taxi drivers apologise for ripping their passengers off, getting lost, getting lary etc. And it's not just the foreigners too.

    '2) Greenpeace and other Treehuggers, for all the destruction we caused, all those broken branches, crushed flowers, and thousands of tonnes of POL and Hull-drops all over Soltau et al'

    Fuck no, that gave them something to whinge about. Where would the bunny brigade be without a good sob story to go to the Guardian and the Beeb to?

    '3) Millions of (mainly) females, who have been used, abused and tossed into the corner (especially when we found out they were preggers), they loved us, and we treated them so badly'

    So long as the ones who put OMO cartons in their windows when their fellas were on tour - and who then sent their man in Korea/Aden/NI/Iraq/Afghanistan etc a 'dear John' - do the same.

    '4) Decent, law-abiding, gorgeous females who worked the NAAFI bars, only to be abused when calling last orders :)'

    I've only seen complete munters work in NAAFIs and EFIs, and they got compensated with regular cock. Which was something they'd have been too pig ugly to get if they weren't in Catterick or BAS.

    '5) Barkeepers, Hoteliers worldwide, trying to earn an honest living, only to find out that the Squaddy rented rooms are devoid of furniture/fittings, theres shit in the sink, urine in all drawers and cupboards, and someone puked in the DVD player'

    I suppose so, but then they'd get it from package tour holiday-makers, football fans, the Gallagher brothers etc. And having to deal with Omanis shitting in the shower blocks at Pirbright during CENTSAM 2001, I'd guess there was a certain amount of payback involved.

    '6) The RMP s and SIB, for causing them all that paperwork'

    They love it. That's why they became military plods.

    '7) Any Countries we invaded (maybe)'

    Depends. I mean we might want to apologise to the Kenyans for torturing and hanging all those Mau Mau suspects, but I think we can spare it for Sierra Leone. And as for Iraq and Afghanistan, people tend to forget that both countries were screwed up by the locals even before we turned up.

    And I see no reason for apologising to the French. Jamais.