Is it fair for doris to hide the crimson tide?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Aunty Stella, Dec 31, 2005.

  1. Doris should give written warning at least 2 days in advance so that an alternative (bird you met in

  2. Ride the crimson tide and make believe that it was you that got her that wet and made her bleed

  3. Accept it and throw one off over porn

  4. Be a caring partner and accept her womanly functions


Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Right,

    Just got back in after my blokey right to be on the p1ss, have crawled into bed with a 3/4 semi and have tactically sneeked up on the missus in a classical "spoon" movement. After reciprocating and pushing back against me, I have let the fingers do the walking and have moved south.

    Imagine the horror when I slipped my piggy like digits into the silk jim jams to find out that it felt like I was doing an impression of LJH and was touching a nappy.

    I think that it is grossly unfair for the doris not to give you at least 48 hrs notice of the impending leaking. This way I could have pre planned to cheat on her, therefore removing the need to give up after 30 seconds of trying to get her to blow me and come back downstairs to peruse porn and throw one off. I'm sure that she has mentioned something in the past about a "regualar monthly cycle" but fcuk me, what am I, her fcuking PA? How am I supposed to remember?

    So, what to do in the future? what should the "actions on" be?
  2. Actions On The Red Wave??? Just pull up your surf board and crack on.

    A Bit of Ginger paint aint gonna hurt u laddy. Plus They become goer's when on the rag so the odd bit of doggie oo i slipped bum sex excuse may work.

    Come on my son, didnt your dad tell you anything?
  3. You havent lived till youve picked the blood clots from your teeth .. :twisted:
  4. Last time I rode the tide it just looked like I'd murdered and butchered someone on the bedding.

    Saying that it was also one of the most memorable and best shags ever
  5. Don't let them give you the "range closed for de-leading" crap.

    Crack on with normal drills

    Just remember to wash the 'rusty-grin' from your grid prior to leaving the house.
  6. Well give her absolutley no notice by popping your old fella in her mouth, and if she refuses divorce her...
  7. If the 'A' range is closed, the 'B' range is usually available for bookings...
  8. i have shagged girls during the red tide, no problems for me and her, just lay down a towel to catch the rest.

    i draw the line at bum love tho ,not my thing :lol:
  9. Wet weather programme is there is no Wet Weather programme. Try turning your face into the Jap Flag. If you have facial topiary, it's a nice crispy in the mainstream. And always remember if her gums ain't bleeding.....
  10. Agreed with the above, just crack on as per normal ya big poof :p

    But be prepared to do some clean up work in the morning (unless it is a significant other, then quite clearly they can clean up thier own mess), as last time I did it while the decorators were in, the room looked like a scene from a fcuking horror film the next morning! Red stuff got everywhere, even managed to get on the walls (the mind boggles).But similar to MDN, one of the best shags I have ever had at the same time.
    Further consultation with female friends reveals that a lot of them actually feel hornier at this time, so if you don't surf the tide, you could very well be loosing out! Perhaps some female arrsers can confirm?
  11. Puff!

    To have a fit chick backing onto your champ and looking into your eyes at the same time, knowing that she is taking you all in her taboo canyon is the most horny thing there is......

    Doesn't happen everytime, in fact if only a one off, its material to w@nk over for months on end.

    MDN anal fan :D
  12. If she’s well equipped then a good old fashioned tit wank is called for when the painters are in.
    It’s oh so much fun to leave her looking like a glazed doughnut when you’re done.
    If she’s not equipped for the job then that’s just another reason to divorce her.
  13. Ive never understood the titwank and am not a fan of big minging jugs.

    I like smaller, more managable, more sensitive boobs that jab you in the eye when they lean forward when riding you.

    The thought of splashing your mess on them does fcuk all for me either...... Harry monk should be fired in any of the three orifaces, and as far in as you can get it. (or on the bedding if you get carried away nibbling her ladypart) :D
  14. Three days of living with a malevolent, rancorous and spiteful harridan who treats you like the putrid spawn of the antichrist everytime you accidently cross her path didn't give you a clue that Mr Mouse had found a new home?

    Maybe mine is unusual. :evil:
  15. I was seeing this half-decent ginger lass in Bristol back in 96 and we'd been out at least 4 times including to the pub where I was working whilst a student there. The blokes had ragged me silly about her and she still hadn't come across so when she finally agreed enthisuastically to go back to the gothic palace that is Manor Hall of residence in Clifton, I jumped at it and, taking a considerable risk, smuggled her in. Half way through a fantastic 69 I realised she was leaking warm globs of the red stuff straight down my throat so I turned it over and without giving her the option shoved the big fella up the dungy with about 3 shoves. Best news was that she was as kinky as a Sloane on Ladies Day so I carried on with the punishment fukc until a glorious pooey spaff into her gagging Welsh fizzog. As a senior (26 yr old mature) student I had a room of my own on the corridor and was supposed to look after the little darlings in the other rooms and I did this with the usual laid back attitude unless drugs were involved and then I was hard on them. The next morning, the lads in the next room played me the recording of me shouting "Take it you fecking whore. I'm going to feck your fekcing tight wet cunt" etc and herself shouting things like "punish me with your big hard cock Master" ad nauseam. he he he. Well, we weren't allowed lassies in Hall so that week half the hippies and coke heads at Brisl Uni were on our corridor living it up while the "fat alky ginger-shagging tosser" at the end had to sit it out in the hall bar. I nearly got booted from halls. After that, I could bring back whatever shaved monkey I chose as long as we kept it quiet and the chaps kept their nasal haibits to a minimum (I hope). Many were Med types so I presume they at least had good stuff. Happy days.