Is Divorce an Option?

Should I:

  • Bin the Bitch.

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Get over it.

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Go out for a takeaway (meal for one).

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Club her to death and bury her in the garden and claim her life insurance.

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Total voters
    0

B_AND_T

LE
Book Reviewer
#1
I am not a demanding person, I have my wants and needs the same as anyone else. I dont ask for much, beer in the fridge, smokes available, you know the normal day to day stuff.

I normally do the shopping because the wifey is pretty shite at it. However I have just been away and she has had to do it, fcuking disaster that turned out to be. When I go I get shopping for the whole family, choccy bars for the trout, snacks, munchies, drinks etc.

Now last night at about 2100hrs I start feeling a little peckish, so off I trot to the kitchen to get something to eat, I would normally task wifey with the job but I didn't want her to go through the agony of trying to unvelcro her lardy arrse from the settee.

Anyway I get to the cupboard, it's full of choccy bars (which I don't eat), tins of spaghetti hoops and other shite that I dislike.

"Oi wife, where are the tins of tuna"
"We havn't got any"
"Why not?"
"We don't eat it"
"I do!"
"You wern't here"
"I am now"
"But you wern't when I went shopping"

JACK BITCH!!

So that is me stuffed for a quick snack. Fcuk it I'll have a drink instead. Get glass from shelf, pour a decent measure of vodka and go to drinks fridge to get Diet Coke. No diet coke just fat boys.

"Oi wife, where is the diet coke"
"We havn't got any"
"Why not?"
"I don't like it"
"I do"
"Tough, use what we have got"

FCUKING JACK BITCH!!!!!!

Now this leaves me in a dilema, do I re-educate her on basic shopping drills? Do I just accept it as part of married life and get on with it, or do I bin her and get a new one who can be trained?
 

Biped

LE
Book Reviewer
#2
There ya go mate - only one vote needed. Job jobbed. Want to borrow my trusty shovel?
 
#3
Marriage is supposed to be about come-and-go...

Sod it, I can't be arrsed writing the punchline, just bin her and be done with it.
 
#4
I have a field in Rutland which is lying fallow if you should need to bury anything.
 
#5
Re-educating might be a better option. At least she knows what you like even if she won't buy it. If you moved on you'd have to start all over again with introductions, heated passionate sex... er :roll:

Edited due to frozen fingers
 
#6
(Not so) deep down you know the answer, that's why you included option four. Insurance money will create the illusion of wealth and you'll have wet young girls flocking to you. Everyone's a winner (apart from the wife).
 
#7
rockpile said:
I have a field in Rutland which is lying fallow if you should need to bury anything.
If it's definately a greenfield site, preferably in a conservation area, or even better a wildlife protected area, with absolutely no chance of any planning permission or any archeaological digs then I may need to rent a couple of 6x3 plots and a JCB mini digger. Whats the going rate ?
 
#8
B_AND_T said:
Do I just accept it as part of married life and get on with it, or do I bin her and get a new one who can be trained?
You know B&T, we wimmin cannot be trained - not one bit. Never, ever, no matter how hard you try. Mr Wishful has been trying his damnest for years and is no nearer now, than he was at the start. Still, he seems to like the challenge :wink:
 
#9
Wishful_Thinking said:
B_AND_T said:
Do I just accept it as part of married life and get on with it, or do I bin her and get a new one who can be trained?
You know B&T, we wimmin cannot be trained - not one bit. Never, ever, no matter how hard you try. Mr Wishful has been trying his damnest for years and is no nearer now, than he was at the start. Still, he seems to like the challenge :wink:
He is secretly shagging the bird next door.
 
#10
Pocoyo said:
Wishful_Thinking said:
B_AND_T said:
Do I just accept it as part of married life and get on with it, or do I bin her and get a new one who can be trained?
You know B&T, we wimmin cannot be trained - not one bit. Never, ever, no matter how hard you try. Mr Wishful has been trying his damnest for years and is no nearer now, than he was at the start. Still, he seems to like the challenge :wink:
He is secretly shagging the bird next door.
:D :D

No, she's too busy with me. :roll:
 

Biped

LE
Book Reviewer
#11
Wishful_Thinking said:
B_AND_T said:
Do I just accept it as part of married life and get on with it, or do I bin her and get a new one who can be trained?
You know B&T, we wimmin cannot be trained - not one bit. Never, ever, no matter how hard you try. Mr Wishful has been trying his damnest for years and is no nearer now, than he was at the start. Still, he seems to like the challenge :wink:
aaah yes, Wishful Thinking, Wishful Thinking, now where did I see that name . . . aah, got it. You're on my list love, I've got a booking from Mr Wishful, and I'm due to come to yours on, er, Thursday next week, with shovel. Can you make sure that you are in please, I hate time wasters. :twisted:
 

B_AND_T

LE
Book Reviewer
#12
Either I have a dirty mind or you might want to rephrase that.
 

Biped

LE
Book Reviewer
#13
B_AND_T said:
Either I have a dirty mind or you might want to rephrase that.
Soil is not dirty, it allows wildlife to grow, unless of cours you plan to patio over it.

Mind you, I can see the possibilities. "Hi love, I've come to dig about in your dirt box, with my erm, shovel, yes, that's it, my 'shovel'. Then I'm going to fill your hole with something that grows.
 
#14
Biped said:
Wishful_Thinking said:
B_AND_T said:
Do I just accept it as part of married life and get on with it, or do I bin her and get a new one who can be trained?
You know B&T, we wimmin cannot be trained - not one bit. Never, ever, no matter how hard you try. Mr Wishful has been trying his damnest for years and is no nearer now, than he was at the start. Still, he seems to like the challenge :wink:
aaah yes, Wishful Thinking, Wishful Thinking, now where did I see that name . . . aah, got it. You're on my list love, I've got a booking from Mr Wishful, and I'm due to come to yours on, er, Thursday next week, with shovel. Can you make sure that you are in please, I hate time wasters. :twisted:
Oh I'll be in Biped. I'll be the one tapping my foot, watching out of my shed with a shotgun. Lucky you, it's rag week next week too! They will find your body....... eventually. :twisted:
 
#16
Am I missing something?

I can't seem to see an option which says accept her for what she is warts and all, because at the end of the day she is the woman I love, married and will always love.

I want to spend the rest of my life with her.
 

B_AND_T

LE
Book Reviewer
#19
I am sure that she does it on purpose and she is training the kids as well.

I go shopping, get back and parade the small ones in the kitchen.

"Right you lot, cast your eyes over that on the table, what do you see"
"Biscuits, cheese and Diet Coke daddy"
"Right then that is my stuff. My biscuits, my cheese and that is daddys juice, don't touch. Do I make myself clear" (And not in some pervy daddy juice type way. It means diet coke belonging to dad)
"Yes Daddy"
"Right then fall out and get your bedrooms done I am inspecting in an hour"

Come home from work. Get glass from shelf, pour decent measure of vodka, go to drinks fridge to get diet coke, return with near empty bottle.

"Who has been drinking my coke"
"We had some"
"Didn't I say that it was mine"
"Yes... but!"
"No buts, didn't I say it was mine"
"Yes daddy"
"So why did you take it"
"Because mummy said we could"
"Oh did she. Oi wife did you say the kids could have my coke?"
"Yes"
"Why?"
"Because they were thirsty"
"Why didn't you give them some of yours?"
"Because I only have one bottle"
"I only had one bottle!"
"You can get more"
"So can you"
"I have been busy today"
"So have I, I have been working"
"I had to have a bath"
"Could you not wait"
"No"
"Right I am going to the shop to get my diet coke"
"Can you get me a bottle of coke"
"No. Fcuk off"
"You need more cheese"
"Why"
"I have eaten it"

FFS
 

B_AND_T

LE
Book Reviewer
#20
turms-r-us said:
No thanks. I'm on my second already (Does that make me a hypocrite?)
No just fcuking stupid!
 

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