Is Divorce an Option?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by B_AND_T, Nov 16, 2007.

?
  1. Bin the Bitch.

    15.4%
  2. Get over it.

    8.8%
  3. Go out for a takeaway (meal for one).

    12.1%
  4. Club her to death and bury her in the garden and claim her life insurance.

    63.7%

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  1. B_AND_T

    B_AND_T LE Book Reviewer

    I am not a demanding person, I have my wants and needs the same as anyone else. I dont ask for much, beer in the fridge, smokes available, you know the normal day to day stuff.

    I normally do the shopping because the wifey is pretty shite at it. However I have just been away and she has had to do it, fcuking disaster that turned out to be. When I go I get shopping for the whole family, choccy bars for the trout, snacks, munchies, drinks etc.

    Now last night at about 2100hrs I start feeling a little peckish, so off I trot to the kitchen to get something to eat, I would normally task wifey with the job but I didn't want her to go through the agony of trying to unvelcro her lardy arrse from the settee.

    Anyway I get to the cupboard, it's full of choccy bars (which I don't eat), tins of spaghetti hoops and other shite that I dislike.

    "Oi wife, where are the tins of tuna"
    "We havn't got any"
    "Why not?"
    "We don't eat it"
    "I do!"
    "You wern't here"
    "I am now"
    "But you wern't when I went shopping"

    JACK BITCH!!

    So that is me stuffed for a quick snack. Fcuk it I'll have a drink instead. Get glass from shelf, pour a decent measure of vodka and go to drinks fridge to get Diet Coke. No diet coke just fat boys.

    "Oi wife, where is the diet coke"
    "We havn't got any"
    "Why not?"
    "I don't like it"
    "I do"
    "Tough, use what we have got"

    FCUKING JACK BITCH!!!!!!

    Now this leaves me in a dilema, do I re-educate her on basic shopping drills? Do I just accept it as part of married life and get on with it, or do I bin her and get a new one who can be trained?
     
  2. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    There ya go mate - only one vote needed. Job jobbed. Want to borrow my trusty shovel?
     
  3. Marriage is supposed to be about come-and-go...

    Sod it, I can't be arrsed writing the punchline, just bin her and be done with it.
     
  4. I have a field in Rutland which is lying fallow if you should need to bury anything.
     
  5. Re-educating might be a better option. At least she knows what you like even if she won't buy it. If you moved on you'd have to start all over again with introductions, heated passionate sex... er :roll:

    Edited due to frozen fingers
     
  6. (Not so) deep down you know the answer, that's why you included option four. Insurance money will create the illusion of wealth and you'll have wet young girls flocking to you. Everyone's a winner (apart from the wife).
     
  7. If it's definately a greenfield site, preferably in a conservation area, or even better a wildlife protected area, with absolutely no chance of any planning permission or any archeaological digs then I may need to rent a couple of 6x3 plots and a JCB mini digger. Whats the going rate ?
     
  8. You know B&T, we wimmin cannot be trained - not one bit. Never, ever, no matter how hard you try. Mr Wishful has been trying his damnest for years and is no nearer now, than he was at the start. Still, he seems to like the challenge :wink:
     
  9. He is secretly shagging the bird next door.
     
  10. :D :D

    No, she's too busy with me. :roll:
     
  11. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    aaah yes, Wishful Thinking, Wishful Thinking, now where did I see that name . . . aah, got it. You're on my list love, I've got a booking from Mr Wishful, and I'm due to come to yours on, er, Thursday next week, with shovel. Can you make sure that you are in please, I hate time wasters. :twisted:
     
  12. B_AND_T

    B_AND_T LE Book Reviewer

    Either I have a dirty mind or you might want to rephrase that.
     
  13. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    Soil is not dirty, it allows wildlife to grow, unless of cours you plan to patio over it.

    Mind you, I can see the possibilities. "Hi love, I've come to dig about in your dirt box, with my erm, shovel, yes, that's it, my 'shovel'. Then I'm going to fill your hole with something that grows.
     
  14. Oh I'll be in Biped. I'll be the one tapping my foot, watching out of my shed with a shotgun. Lucky you, it's rag week next week too! They will find your body....... eventually. :twisted:
     
  15. Hi ho, hi ho,
    It's off to work we go,
    With a shovel and a spade,
    And a bitch who paid,
    Hi ho, hi ho
    Hi ho, hi ho, hi ho.........