Is cancer really that unfortunate ?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Juan_Ramirez_III, Oct 28, 2010.

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  1. I had some mega news today, a gobshite wideboy that owes us 2k for a bit of work has come a cropper with a trolley load of cancer having a party in his lungs! Admittedly, in my haste to get payment from him a few months ago I was accused of being a bit overzealous resulting in a caution and a smug grin from the prick in a club as he was leaving, a letter he sent stated his reason for non payment was because of, and I quote, 'fiscal distress' but he seemed to maintain his keenness for going out every night, seems as I can't go near him I'm thinking of sending him a poster of Roy castle doing the thumbs up, or a wreath, colourfully decorated in drip lines, hospital masks and 200 pack of lambert and butler, but I'm leaning towards sending him a Beverly callard aerobics DVD and a triathlon training programme....

    Other notable cancer success's were my maternal uncles struggle with an ever growing beast in his bowels, the miserable cunt stayed true to himself to the very end, forsaking pain relief and screaming obscenities at visitors whilst constantly twatting his alarm button, and a lad from school who hit me with a spoon eeked out his last as his bones crumbled under the weight of cancers invading horde.

    Has cancer brightened up your life ?
  2. Jade Goody.
  3. My old boss got the big "C". She was a poisoness cow at best, and a pain in my side.

    She was off work for approx 6 months, which was bliss! She would pop in for the odd visit sporting the mandatory bandana (do they get issued one upon diagnosis?) and looking a little like a white, middle aged, version of The Golden Child.

    Unfortunately she made it through the treatment, and is alive and well. Well, as far as I know, I've not seen her for a couple of years now. Perhaps Mr Cancer has been/will be kind enough to rock up for round 2?
  4. Looking on the bright side, you don't have to fork our for haircuts for a while......
  5. You're an evil man, JR. I hope you go out like Farrah Fawcett, with cancer of the bottom. (Which, by the way, was most probably caused by all the anal she received off Ryan O'Neil; he has as good as admitted it!)
  6. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    So it's true, you can be bummed to death.

    I'm pretty sure someone owes me a tenner now.
  7. It's natures very own weedkiller. I was in hospital for twelve weeks in 2006, after 2 months of wanking, watching spirit crushing daytime tele and dreaming up imaginable ways to get kfc and spirits brought in they moved me to an open ward.
    They wheeled in a Ginger cunt one Sunday who'd had some surgical resection done on a tumour, he had a tube hanging out of his torso permanently draining a thick dark fluid from his body. Because he wouldn't fucking shut up for two minutes I knew that his life long tab smoking habit had wrecked his insides, shame thinks me, until I watched him shuffle off every half hour clutching a zippo lighter and a fifty gramme pack of golden Virginia, to say I hated him was an understatement, even the ex rmp in the bed next to me with his tales of hong kong and his double mm award was a joyous distraction.
    A subsequent hospital visit confirmed that the red headed prick had indeed smoked his last a few weeks before in the icu.

    I didn't cry
  8. I found out the other day that my father in law had a battle with prostate cancer a couple months ago, and kept very quiet about it. The other half then went on to say they think it's being past down though the male line and that they are currently researching to see if the past dead male relatives have died from it.

    He told me off when I smiled and asked what I was finding funny, I told I was pleased because the life insurance covers prostate cancer and asked if he could hurry up and die from it.

  9. Kids kick the arse out of it as well, hanging on for dear life for a dip with a dolphin and an appearance on Granada tonight, their parents
    Manage to screw months off work with it as well, it can't be that difficult to stick a lolly in it's mouth and drop it off at auntie brendas with a pokemon video and a blister pack of tramadol
  10. Don't be daft...there's money to be made touting Junior round the local pubs with a bucket! Its a bonus if they're actually sick because you don't get hounded out of town by the playground mafia when he fails to turn his toes up!
  11. Fair one, cancer has committed worse crimes than wiping out peoples nans and encouraging women to pre-emptively have their tits sliced off in fear, its biggest sin is being responsible for hordes of rotund and pasty faced housewives to don Lycra and blue t shirts before truffle shuffling their way around a fifty yard route hugging and embracing because they are doing it for their great auntie pat who was on thirty jps a day fir thirty years and who had let seven kids hang off her ash littered tits for most of her twenties.
  12. Be a man JR III and use his disability to go round and collect what the cunt owes...If that means taking his oxygen rig or fancy bed then fine. It is cancer not fucking limblessness by Taliban FFS!
  13. That's still an option, of course. Versatile stuff, cancer.
  14. Can't, trust me, dragging him round his front garden and bashing his swede off the bonnet of his cayenne nearly got me some pokey. I might ring him up and tell him ill waive the outstanding balance if he consents to me going to his wake on roller boots Playing a jazz solo on a kazoo. It's been an unfortunate year for John as well as it turns out his eldest is a screaming Beefer with a penchant for robbing old queens he scoops up down the gay village.
  15. The problem with cancer is sometime the wrong people survive, that twat Mandela is walking around today because cancer didnt do its job right, its not like AIDS, now thats a proper disease for getting rid of those you don't like.