Irrelevant and unhelpfull computer messages

If similar has been done before i'm ready for my arrse kicking but recently hooking up a new keyboard to a pc that a friend bought i thought ''yes sparks you show him how it works properly''.
When 5 minutes later a message popped up.....

'Keyboard not found. Press any key to continue'

Classic windows helpfullness as usual,

anyone else have any irratible so called ''help messages'' pop up?
or any otherwise sugested to be replaced??
Classic windows helpfullness as usual,
You can have some of your expected arse kicking but for a different reason.

The error message you are crying about is not a Windows error. The test for the keyboard takes place during the POST, (Power On Self Test) and precedes any part of the Windows Operating System loading. :p

The errors that p1ss me off are the one's that tell me to go and see my administrator... I am the fucking administrator!!!!
MS Access:

"Reserved Error -1310: There is no error for this error"

Outlook Express 5

"There was an error opening this message : an error has occurred"

From within Outlook 2007:

"Cannot open this error message as no mail client is installed"

DON'T speak to me about farking pathooters!!! I feckin hate this feckin thing!! One of my dear sweet (soon to be decomposing) children very helpfully downloaded IE8 for me this afternoon......NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Many hours of sweating, swearing and gnashing of teeth later tis back to normal and i'm my usual sweet self again :D
Theres a doozy that comes up in MS Exchange Server. Theres no explanation for it, and no fault at all it just comes up with an OK button and says "You are trying to use an SMTP Virtual Server, and the server has failed. Please install MS Exchange 2003 to use SMTP Virtual Server". The fact that you would have installed it to use the virtual server in the first place seems to be lost on the fcuker.
Computer errors always happen when I see these letters





Book Reviewer
My all-time favourite was the Apple Macintosh 'Crash of death'.

This was basically a hardware failure on the motherboard that would stop the computer from starting up - these failures occured so rarely on Apple computers that they really fcuked people up when they did happen.

You knew something was amiss when you turned the computer on, the screen stayed black, but in full blown, high quality stereo, you heard the sound of screeching tyres, followed by an almighty smash of metal and glass.

It only ever happened to me once, and it fcuked my whole day up, but mostly because my Mac was dead :D

Other people got so traumatised by the realistic noise, they sued Apple, so they had to stop them making the noise in the end.

Have a look at this YouTube clip - the second to last sound is the 'crash'. It doesn't sound that bad now, but this was LONG before I-Tunes and playing music on your computer, so that, and the unexpected nature of the noise . . . . well!

Mac noises

Having filled my C drive once with all manner of feelthy peectures, XP announced that I was running out of space, and helpfully asked if I would like to delete some little-used and un-needed files in order to continue my descent into depravity.

Indeed I did, was the answer, leading to several hours of disk thrashing and much file-removing goodness.

Or so I thought. XP eventually pronounced that it would not, sadly, be able to remove the offending files in favour of more offensive files, because...

"Not enough space to delete requested files."

I shit you not.
dogmeat said:
"Not enough space to delete requested files."

I shit you not.
Its one of Microsofts little gems - deleting files takes up a sh1t load of space. Empty your recycle bin next time you try - or if it gives you an opportunity to permenately delete, take it.

Edited to add - i've moved it into here because its far too sensible for the naafi!!
cheers thinking of a suitable area was hurtin the vast landscape between my ears yesterday :D

i like the troubleshooter for internet explorer, especially when it cannot connect then tells you to go to to find out your sollution

so usefull.........
on the nice little notebook I have, running XP, if ever I plug in a pair of headphones into the audio port a little window pops up telling me "you've just plugged a device into the audio jack"!

I fcuking know I have! It was me that did it FFS!


Book Reviewer
The ones that bug me are the ones that pop up while machine is closing down, the ones that ask are you sure you want the programme to close?

The one I hate is where it tells me I cant download Vista SP 1

I have tried everything even the MS helpline over the last year but i still get the same message when I try it

All other updates are fine ................... ferking thing GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!
"At least one service or driver failed during system start up. Use event viewer to examine the event log for details".
What fucking event viewer you useless lump of twatting plastic, there isn't one!

"Your system is running low on vitual memory. Please close some applications"
I've only got one open you shite machine.

"You can then start the system option in the control panel and change the virtual memory button to choose teh vitual memory button to create an additional paging file or increase the size of your current paging file"
I would bloody love too, but when I try it says only an administrator can change it.

I can't wait for DII, then this ISIS fucking thing is going straight out the window!
chrisg46 said:
The ones that bug me are the ones that pop up while machine is closing down, the ones that ask are you sure you want the programme to close?

Yeah that one gets me too :)

I'm currently getting "Cannot find Updater.exe" popping up every hour or so, which is fine but I wouldn't mind knowing where you're f*cking looking! I don't even know what's trying to update!

MinnesotaViking said:
I can't wait for DII, then this ISIS ******* thing is going straight out the window!
Either you have no idea how ironic that statement is, or it's one almighty wah!

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