Irish Guards suffer cutbacks shock

1 in every 2 Irish guards will be shortened inline with new cutbacks. A spokesman for the Army unit said,

"Unfortunalty with current funding we cannot support soldiers over 5` 4" as we have no uniform left to fit. The only uniform available is "petite" and we nicked that from the cadets. By making soldiers shorter we can dynamically utilise and deploy old stocks sidelined for the market stalls thus saving the tax payer £3.20"

A newly modified soldier parades at Buck Palace.

Further drastic cuts have seen smaller Sentry boxes designed and procured by the civil service for ceremonial duties in an attempt to stop spiralling costs. A civil servant (when back from dentist/funeral/docters/lunch) said,

"The new sentry boxes cost less to paint and maintain, they are also intergrated into BOWMAN offering a fully digitised networked enabled response to ceremonial parades, yes the future is most definatly here."

When questioned about the failure to actually fit a soldier he said,

"Thats just rumour, in our trails (in Nepal) there was an average of at least 2 feet of space above the soldiers head. You must have been misinformed."

A soldier attempts an exit at Buck Palace yesterday.

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