IRA man goes to Heaven courtesy of Dave Allen

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous Jokes' started by rintelen, Sep 13, 2010.

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  1. This is an old Dave Allen joke:

    Seamus O'Flaherty arrives at the Pearly Gates. There St Peter is checking the Book of the Dead, letting in the righteous. Eventually Seamus arrives in front of St Peter.

    "Why Seamus, I have it recorded in the great Book of Dead, that whilst you were alive, you committed terrible acts of terrorism! Oh, I know you call it Freedom Fighting, but that's just a name. You should know the Lord's Commandment: "Thou Shalt not kill!." This applies to every mortal soul, unless of course he works for God's own Army - the British Army. All the others are deemed murderers, whatever the cause, and are damned to everlasting Hell. And I have to say to you my sad son, that you should not be here. You need to go to the other place!"

    Seamus stands there listening.

    "Now I've told you Seamus, you cannot COME in here!" re-iterates St Peter, shutting the Pearly Gates to him.

    Suddenly Seamus, looking at his watch, breaks his silence:

    "Oh, Jesus, Mother and Mary, St Peter! I haven't come here to get in, I've just come here to tell you that you've all got 5 minutes to get out!"