Inverse Waltery

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Ravers, Aug 18, 2011.

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  1. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    The storeman at work is called Bob, he's a top bloke really, early 50s, bit of a silver fox and a phiz monster, he runs to work everyday and spends his lunch times lifting weights in our heat treatment room. As a result Bob is fitter than most blokes half his age. He's got a top sense of humour and I've often remarked that he would have made a great squaddy or matelot. We got chatting about the forces a while back and he said that he'd always fancied joining up but just never got around to it, found a steady job and before he knew it he was too old to reconsider things.

    Anyhoo, a few weeks ago, I meet a chap through friends of friends and we get chatting about work, when I mention the name of my employer, he remarks ''Oh I know a guy called Bob who works there, we served together in the paras in the late 70s.'' On further questioning it turns out this chap is talking about the same Bob. This is later confirmed by another bloke at work who lets slip that Bob used to be in 4 Para.

    I approach Bob about this at a work piss up and I discretely let him know that I know he's ex mob. He completely denies it, ''I don't know what you are talking about mate, never even set foot in the careers office.'' I decide not to press the issue any further.

    The more I think about this the more I realise that he must be an ex squaddy, his humour, dress sense, his tea making skills, the fact that he gets massive every lunchtime, his pissing up ability. All the clues are there and obvious.

    So why would someone Walt it as a lifelong civvy and how can I expose this fraudster for what he really is, a filthy airborne squaddy?
     
  2. Couple of dumb suggestions come to mind;

    Do the old "Stand up" yell as you walk into his room next time or likewise shout "Red on" see how he reacts.
     
  3. Dear me, the answer is obvious. Get Bob and your friends friends mate who served with bob down the pub and all three of you can have a good chat.
     
  4. Call him a hat...
     
    • Like Like x 7
  5. Call him a civvie hat.....? (make sure the desk is between you and him, in case he decides to out himself this time...)
     
    • Like Like x 2
  6. Gremlin

    Gremlin LE Good Egg (charities)

    Being an ex member of the Grey Funnel line, I would have thought that the answer was blindingly obvious:

    Pre-grease your hoop and buttocks, and then casually drop your trousers and undercrackers in the heat room one lunchtime, bend over, look coyly over your shoulder whilst breathlessly declaring an immediate desire for airborne cock.

    Arrange for you both to be disturbed after 15 minutes or so and job jobbed!
     
    • Like Like x 4
  7. Maybe something to do with your former service and/or current unit? Not sure polo is such a hit with the airborne.
     
  8. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    That's fucking gay. Pushing back is polite, but looking back over your shoulder and licking your lips? I do have some self respect.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  9. My dad was like that (what bit I saw of him),,Every member of my mothers family told me he was a dodger during WW2,,It was only after he died( 1999) that I found out that he was a member of a Auxiliary Unit (202) and spent most of his time up a mountain in Westmorland,,the few times I met him he never mentioned anything about his war service and never received a medal,He spent the rest of his life as a boxing trainer in Manchester...
     
  10. Gremlin

    Gremlin LE Good Egg (charities)

    At which point did I mention licking your lips?

    You have to hold something back for the second date FFS!
     
  11. This bloke might have his own reasons for wanting to keep a low profile, so maybe you should just respect his choice and leave things be. For all you know you could be on the verge of causing problems for him. Besides, it isn't your business.
     
    • Like Like x 6
  12. Because he can't compete with all your gay matelot dits?

    Or.....perhaps he's walted it up to the other guys, but knows that you have the skills to "out him" as a walt?
     
  13. I bet you're a laugh a fucking minute on the piss.
     
    • Like Like x 8
  14. Well said.
     

  15. FFS this is the NAAFI. Stick to Current Affairs if you're going to be all grown up! ;-)
     
    • Like Like x 5