Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by lacrabat, Jun 28, 2006.

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  1. Imagine the French government had a secret agenda to invade these islands and had managed to place an armoured division in the Calais area under an innocent sounding ruse. This division then crosses the channel without any warning and gains complete tactical and strategic surprise, the invasion is backed up by French air and navy assets.
    Could we stop them, if so, where ? ( without the nuke option :D )..
  2. No problem. Scatter soap on the beaches and around the ports.
  3. Nehustan

    Nehustan On ROPs

    Well I guess it solves having to be dependent on the US for our 'independent' Nuclear deterrent, a topic currently under discussion. When do the Normans get here, 2066?
  4. The wily French avoided this by :-

    1. Gaining total surprise.
    2. Launching their first wave through the Channel Tunnel, who then advanced along the M20 whilst diverting sufficient forces to eliminate the local soap threat by wiping out the garrison at Shorncliffe.
  5. Scatter salt to kill off the slugs and snails, thus depriving the invader's ability to live off the land.
  6. And call up 5.56mm and his mates, subject them to 3 years intensive training and send them to repel the French with Panzerfausts.

    The French made the mistake of using the M20, therefore there's no hurry.
  7. Given that everyone is off on their 6 month holidays to the sand pit and associated others, we'd have to get them home first.

    Of course, this could be part of the brilliant strategy to lure them into the heart of our nation before launching counter-assaults from all major airports and RAF bases uses our effective but little advertised 'luggage bombs' and Hyperbaric 'Drinks trolley' weapons.

    They will be so outraged at the expensive, piss-poor plonk and unstylish, nylon paw-crafted, shock-pink baggage that their C&C will completely break down leading to a swift and decisive shinning.
  8. Just a sec. I'll ring my mother-in-law. She lives in Kent.

    They don't stand a chance. Once the broomstick comes out.....
  9. Easy, get a couple of boys in Germany to paint crosses on the front of their tanks and drive towards Paris. Frogs would have surrendered before you could say Boche.
  10. It will never happen. The crafty citizens of Kent have not provided the requisite tree-lined roads to allow the invading army to march/drive in the shade.
  11. Having just had my holiday in France and having witnessed the great French "workforce" in action I don't think we have too much to worry about. Just counter attack at about 3pm, they will still be at lunch.
  12. Even better than that, just get a few German lads in DPM to tip up. It's an old story...
  13. What if it was a two pronged attack and the Scottish advanced from the North?

    I think that is where our Nuclear Deterent is based (the maintenance costs too much for it actually to go to sea).

    Then we will be totally buggered, and the French have Paratroops that actually parachute!
  14. The Scottish would be put to the sword at Newcastle and the French would surrender as soon as there was a whiff of cordite in the air....simple
  15. Two flaws;

    1. The French can't keep secrets!
    2. You are proposing the Surrender monkeys actually launch an invasion.