Internet inspiration.

#41
#42
Medical Update....

Status... Still alive. Just, no thanks to the largest employer in the world.

Best bit of hospital trivia.... This monstrous hospital leaves its heating on full chat, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year 'to save money'.

Knob-rot tip.... As part of my treatment to identify the thousands of puss-filled blisters that cover every inch (okay then, every millimetre) of my once proud manhood, I had blood and weewee taken to be analysed at, probably, Porton Down. In return for my generosity, I was given a slip of paper detailing a phone number and log-in details and told to call back in two weeks.

Expecting the calm and measured tones of a lovely young nurse, trained in breaking very bad news to the terminally infected, I dialled the number last week only to get a robotic voice run through the full gamut of knob-nasties followed by a terse 'negative' or 'positive'.

All was well until I heard the bone chilling word 'HIV'. What followed was the longest three seconds of my life as I struggled with whether to hang up and run away crying, or to just man up and take it like Ranulph probably would. In the event, I ran out of time and was whimpering like a wounded baby meercat when I received the blessed 'negative'.

Now I remember when HIV was the big new bogie in the corner and to get even the merest hint of a mischievous twitch in the old todger was to invite your own personal Armageddon. I know that there are now treatments available to mitigate and delay the symptoms and the onset of AIDS, but when did it become so trivial that it is considered acceptable to advise victims of a possible death sentence via a bloody automated phone line?
 

TheresaMay

ADC
Moderator
DirtyBAT
#43
I'm finally paying the price for a debauched life of disgusting excess and am wallowing in the darkened hell that is an NHS hospital.

By some bureaucratic oversight, free WiFi is available, but my normally fertile imagination is blank and I can't think of any useful way to make use of it, apart from BBC IPlayer and Arrse of course.

So, recommendations please, for entertaining websites, subjects favoured include those close to the hearts of your average ArrsePerson, ie fast cars, big guns, history involving big guns, anything delightfully non-pc, and anything else you may enjoy.

But, please, and I feel dirty just writing this in the present exalted company, no porn..... My lovely mummy visits regularly and she's prone to looking over my shoulder at my phone.

And she's very old...
As @Arte_et_Marte suggests, YouTube is great for endless stuff to watch. After you've watched a few vids it kinda develops a sixth sense too, so everytime I turn my YouTube channel on, I'm presented with about 10 to 15 boxing matches from the 90s I'd completely forgotten about... Benn vs McClellan, Lewis vs Bruno etc.

A wee warning for those into really weird stuff by the way...!

I'm also forever looking at holiday websites too, it's become a bit of a hobby of mine to try and book the "package deal" separately to see if I can get it cheaper elsewhere.

On that note, anybody know an airline that flies directly to Split? For some reason they all go to fucking Pula, which is at least 5 hours away from all the good stuff.

And get well soon.

PS. Get Bupa you tight cunt.

PPS. Edited to add, just realised this thread is a couple of weeks old now. D'oh...
 
#44
Despite not knowing the precise nature of your indisposition I am providing you with the following link, but if you do currently have stitches, give it a miss for now because some of the content is liable to make you split your sides anyway. Enjoy and may your recovery be speedy.

Engrish.com
 
#45
Oh, I don't know...:? I'll bet @Kirkz has run across something like this before when he was bin diving. :mrgreen:

Hobo Stew.JPG
 
#46
Medical Update....

Status... Still alive. Just, no thanks to the largest employer in the world.

Best bit of hospital trivia.... This monstrous hospital leaves its heating on full chat, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year 'to save money'.

Knob-rot tip.... As part of my treatment to identify the thousands of puss-filled blisters that cover every inch (okay then, every millimetre) of my once proud manhood, I had blood and weewee taken to be analysed at, probably, Porton Down. In return for my generosity, I was given a slip of paper detailing a phone number and log-in details and told to call back in two weeks.

Expecting the calm and measured tones of a lovely young nurse, trained in breaking very bad news to the terminally infected, I dialled the number last week only to get a robotic voice run through the full gamut of knob-nasties followed by a terse 'negative' or 'positive'.

All was well until I heard the bone chilling word 'HIV'. What followed was the longest three seconds of my life as I struggled with whether to hang up and run away crying, or to just man up and take it like Ranulph probably would. In the event, I ran out of time and was whimpering like a wounded baby meercat when I received the blessed 'negative'.

Now I remember when HIV was the big new bogie in the corner and to get even the merest hint of a mischievous twitch in the old todger was to invite your own personal Armageddon. I know that there are now treatments available to mitigate and delay the symptoms and the onset of AIDS, but when did it become so trivial that it is considered acceptable to advise victims of a possible death sentence via a bloody automated phone line?
Sorry to have to break it to you old chap...But it's right there on the tin.

Positive AIDs is the GOOD AIDs.

Negative AIDs is the BAD AIDs.
 
#48
As @Arte_et_Marte suggests, YouTube is great for endless stuff to watch. After you've watched a few vids it kinda develops a sixth sense too, so everytime I turn my YouTube channel on, I'm presented with about 10 to 15 boxing matches from the 90s I'd completely forgotten about... Benn vs McClellan, Lewis vs Bruno etc.

A wee warning for those into really weird stuff by the way...!

I'm also forever looking at holiday websites too, it's become a bit of a hobby of mine to try and book the "package deal" separately to see if I can get it cheaper elsewhere.

On that note, anybody know an airline that flies directly to Split? For some reason they all go to ******* Pula, which is at least 5 hours away from all the good stuff.

And get well soon.

PS. Get Bupa you tight ****.

PPS. Edited to add, just realised this thread is a couple of weeks old now. D'oh...
No probs matey, i'm still incarcerated.
 

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