International Rules of Manhood

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous Jokes' started by The_Remover, Sep 13, 2010.

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  1. (we all should know this!)


    1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.


    2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following
    circumstances:


    (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
    (b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
    (c) After wrecking your boss's car.
    (d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
    (e) When she is using her teeth.


    3: Any man who brings a camera to a stag party may be legally
    killed and eaten by his mates.


    4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a
    friend out of jail within 12 hours.


    5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off
    limits forever unless you actually marry her.


    6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is
    forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is
    unsuitable.


    7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for
    another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is
    strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip
    bar of the birthday boy's choice.


    8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not
    the weakest.


    9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.


    10: You may flatulate in front of a woman, only after you have
    brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for
    the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your
    girlfriend.


    11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when
    you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a
    topless model and only when it's free.


    12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you
    allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.


    13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.


    14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.


    15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see
    anything.


    16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.


    17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.


    18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
    pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.


    19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be
    talking about his choice of beer.


    20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of
    yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.


    21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting
    weights:
    a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
    b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
    c) Another set and we can hit the showers!


    22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal
    footing i.e. both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all
    other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the
    conversation you need.


    23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on
    longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.


    24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a
    friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're
    feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each
    other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.


    25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable
    for her to drive yours.


    26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of yellow, pink, lime
    green, orange or sky blue.


    27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for
    Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.


    28: There is no reason for guys to watch Figure Skating or Men's
    Gymnastics. Ever!
     
    • Like Like x 1
  2. 2 stars?? It must have been a female!
     
  3. How do we score ourselves on this one?
     
  4. this is the Holy Bible for all men. All gays must get a copy!!!!!!!