Intelligence Darwin Awards

#1
Quick idea about a thread that may prove productive and a chance to laugh at others. That is to provide stories of superhuman stupidity and misfortune on the part of people we know or have known in this unique environment.

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#2
The irony being that when you chaps fcuk up people die, and with regular Darwin Award winners just they do? Sounds like a scream.
 
#3
milsum said:
The irony being that when you chaps fcuk up people die, and with regular Darwin Award winners just they do? Sounds like a scream.
oh i don't know. even the int corps fall down manholes occasionally. allegedly.

milsum - you need to relax.

deerhunter - reckon this is going to be a tough thread. it's hard to post details of people shooting bits off and losing things without compromising opsec or persec somewhere :roll: but best of luck.
 
#4
Not quite a Darwin Contender but I think a funnyish story. I guy that worked in northern ireland with me was about to go on a course back in mainland. Our Sgt was asking him some usual details to fill in a form for the guys going to get travel, accomodation etc.... Well it got to this guy and the Sgt asked "whats your regi number?" to which this guy replies "I don't have a car!?!?!" And this guy is a JNCO in the corps. God help us. lol You had to be there.
 
#5
Very many moons ago the frigate I was serving on was about to transit Suez, and were berthed in Port SAid overnight waiting for the next days convoy. A month or so before we had been excercising off the Frog Riviera and had found in the sea a French drone target. This was a missile like thing about 20 feet long. As we had not found any thing else to do with it when we arrived at Port Said in the company of a brand new shiny County Class destryoer (we were a conveted emergency class destroyer and by the mid 60s a trifle beyond our sell by date) it was still propped up between the main mast and the funnel. After the usual bustle of getting parked we noticed that a rowing boat with a guy wearing and Egyptian Navy uniform had rowed out between the two grey war canoes and he was dillligently sketching us and the pointy thing between said main mast and funnel. We often wondered what his masters made of our 'special fit', as he paid absolutely no attention to the shiny new one that did have all the latest gear.

Peter
 
#6
I've got one, you'll love this, we practially pee'd our pants, didn't stop laughing for hours!
Anyhooo, my mate was sitting there over the light box, lookin' at this uav image I got for him the day before of some buildings in this desert. Then he says to me, 'Mate, I've got a target for you. Grid 253992, plate 1 alpha. Looks like a beauty. Fine I says, and pass it up the chain of command and gets a go for some arty on that position. Result! Or so we thought. Next thing we know, some guy comes in and looks at us funny, saying we've firebombed a hospital and the school next door. Mate says, 'Did I say plate 1 alpha? I meant 1 bravo! Duh!'.

....and relax. Thanks CR :thumright:
 
#7
milsum said:
I've got one, you'll love this, we practially pee'd our pants, didn't stop laughing for hours!
Anyhooo, my mate was sitting there over the light box, lookin' at this uav image I got for him the day before of some buildings in this desert. Then he says to me, 'Mate, I've got a target for you. Grid 253992, plate 1 alpha. Looks like a beauty. Fine I says, and pass it up the chain of command and gets a go for some arty on that position. Result! Or so we thought. Next thing we know, some guy comes in and looks at us funny, saying we've firebombed a hospital and the school next door. Mate says, 'Did I say plate 1 alpha? I meant 1 bravo! Duh!'.

....and relax. Thanks CR :thumright:
Milsum,

can you go and get the person who is supposed to be looking after you please?
 
#8
There was an individual at brecon (approx 3 and a half years ago) who on his way to work on his push-bike somehow managed to cycle into the canal/river, he was duty gimp that week and had the works pager and phone with him (subsequently lost to the sea). He turned up at the section soaking wet.

His excuse was that he was to busy paying attention to a good-looking girl and not where he was going.
 
#10
evilgenius said:
There was an individual at brecon (approx 3 and a half years ago) who on his way to work on his push-bike somehow managed to cycle into the canal/river, he was duty gimp that week and had the works pager and phone with him (subsequently lost to the sea). He turned up at the section soaking wet.

His excuse was that he was to busy paying attention to a good-looking girl and not where he was going.
Are you sure it's not 3 1/2 weeks ago? Is it, in fact, CR?
 
#11
Fantastic. I've never dropped my beep in a river but may just be tempted...
 
#12
DontMentionTheWar said:
Fantastic. I've never dropped my beep in a river but may just be tempted...
I've dropped mine down the toilet in Sigs Bar in Lisburn! Then a little dilema...do I flush and hope it is still there once it's finished, or go fishing for it amongst the floaters.... :pukel:
 
#13
Scorptin said:
DontMentionTheWar said:
Fantastic. I've never dropped my beep in a river but may just be tempted...
I've dropped mine down the toilet in Sigs Bar in Lisburn! Then a little dilema...do I flush and hope it is still there once it's finished, or go fishing for it amongst the floaters.... :pukel:
go on fish it out!!! :threaten:
 
#14
evilgenius said:
Scorptin said:
DontMentionTheWar said:
Fantastic. I've never dropped my beep in a river but may just be tempted...
I've dropped mine down the toilet in Sigs Bar in Lisburn! Then a little dilema...do I flush and hope it is still there once it's finished, or go fishing for it amongst the floaters.... :pukel:
go on fish it out!!! :threaten:
I did! Then found there was no soap in the toilet!
 
#15
252_me said:
evilgenius said:
There was an individual at brecon (approx 3 and a half years ago) who on his way to work on his push-bike somehow managed to cycle into the canal/river, he was duty gimp that week and had the works pager and phone with him (subsequently lost to the sea). He turned up at the section soaking wet.

His excuse was that he was to busy paying attention to a good-looking girl and not where he was going.
Are you sure it's not 3 1/2 weeks ago? Is it, in fact, CR?
you would have heard about the tidal wave. lives would have been lost and houseboats swept away :)
 
#16
There was a certain darkside Sigs Ling of WO1 in stature who in Kos 90/91 listened to a bored op who spoofed him over the net with the report of a Phoenix 'pilot' banging out over the Serb border. Without realising he was being wound up, he rushed it through to J obvious and was looked at blankly by the most junior collator in the place. This made it around the bazaars in no time.

I think even the Alb dhobi women were laughing at him.

He is a Major now.
 
#17
Re the phoenix has crashed but pilot ejected safely.

Was on that tour, funny as feck. Mind you the call we got on the blower following the realisation wasn't too good. Just as funny was the fact that he had called the wrong det to give the bollocking to and had to do it again.

He saw the funny side later.

There is a certain scouser who is notorious for being somewhere when things go pear-shaped. Told by his OC in Boz that if anything else broke and he was in the vicinity, not to bother reporting it and just put his running shoes on instead.

Same chap lost about 160 litres of fuel as well, covered a 43 in oil (always check which level it is when engine is cold!!!) and broke 2 out 4 masts on that same tour. Later on had an altercation with some barbed wire while crossing into a sandy place.
 
#18
There is a certain gentleman that when he was 21/22 at Garats Hay back in the late 80's had a boxing injury that he persisted needed surgery to help him breath. Namely, his nose was flat on his head. The Med Centre came through and he turned back up on a certain Friday with this amazing reconstruction surgery. It was actually a first class job.

Saturday came and so did the opportunity to go into Loughborough for a few pints.....can you see where this going?

Needless to say, our daring fool got battered outside a chippy.

The next morning in the NAAFI where many were nursing sore heads and telling stories of woe. In walked the prize knob, not only sporting a nose not disimilar to the one from the previous week, only now he no front teeth!

True and ridiculous!

He surely deserves an Int Darwin Award for Stupidity?
 
#19
DF-ing your own transmissions is for winners. The looks of confusion and bewilderment before pointing out the errors of their ways. Priceless as they say.
 

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