INT CORPS equivalent of being first man on the balcony

#1
For histoical record I thought it would be useful to identify superior accomplishments in the Corps which rival the balcony scene in 1980. Shall I begin?

I once "built" a powerpoint slide containing nine different colours, five different fonts and it wobbled even more than the famous "shakey cake" slide. I used it to brief an exhausted Battalion commander who had a bad temper and a Gatorade habit, who sadly did not appreciate the three days "work" it took to complete the project. Despite this setback I think that purists from the Corps will appreciate the beauty of a powerpoint masterpiece. Especially if it serves no useful purpose in the brief.

Over to you. I'm off to make a brew and get the creme eggs out of the fryer.
 
#2
POWERPOINT ! POWERPOINT !! You don't know the meaning of hard work !!!

Back in the day when we had a CRUSADE for a few weeks near Hildesheim (No it doesn't mean Hilda's Home), we had first to photograph 1:50000 individual Map Sheets of the Corps Area, then blow them up to 1:25000 scale (4 large photos for each map sheet) then stick them all together (3 copies if I remember correctly) and mount them in the Exercise Div HQ behind perspex sheets.

But the General wasn't happy with Black and White Maps so we had to colour in all the features and obstacles with crayons !!!!

And the youngsters nowadays don't believe us - well it really happened in the run up to SPEARPOINT 80. The Exercise Umpire Headquarters was located in a large hangar within Tofrek Barracks in Hildesheim - and the General - D-P was later investigated by HM Customs and Excise for illegally importing bottles of fine wine in the back of his horsebox !
 
#3
Well, this one time at ***** 8 ***** from ***** coy *****, were tasked with *****, the outcome of which was *****.


Dusty in here etc.
 
#4
As a brand new LCpl I was in the GOC's office updating his big map of Bosnia, when he returned unexpectedly and asked for an update brief. For which I was oh so well prepared. I didn't have an S6 and a bag of flashbangs handy, but I managed to completely stun him with a huge explosion of bullshit then beat a hasty retreat.
 
#5
Having dished out thousands of maps on the QE2 prior to disembarking at the Falklands we packed the remaining maps in a trailer which was sunk some days later on Foxtrot 4 in Choiseul Sound.

It was subsequently very satisfying to be able to tell all and sundry that they couldn't have any more maps...and what did you do with the ones we gave you on the boat?

Making up lots of enemy traces using sheets of compo toilet paper sellotaped together was not quite so much fun however...

More to the point of the thread I may not have been the first, second or last on the balcony with THEM...but I did smuggle my good lady into THEIR Ops/Int office after a mess night and had my wicked way with her on the Sgt Major's desk (sorry Dixie - couldn't resist it!)

:)

Rodney2q
 
#6
I well remember the I Corps Sergeant who arrived in Punta Gorda, Belize) back in (I think) '75. He hired a house to live in and parked his army green Land Rover next to it.

His next task was to recruit two locals as agents, give them some money and sent them over the border into Guatemala, with instructions to collect information about Guat troop movements and capacities.

Our two dusky 007's duly crossed the border and checked into a hotel in a Guat town, recording on the hotels check-in form that they were Belizean citizens and under nature of employment, both wrote British spies. They then set about gathering information about the Guat military, mainly in the towns bars.

It wasn't long before the Guat military became conscious of our two secret agents and they were arrested.

The I Corps Sgt left Punta Gorda shortly afterwards.
 
#7
POWERPOINT ! POWERPOINT !! You don't know the meaning of hard work !!!

Back in the day when we had a CRUSADE for a few weeks near Hildesheim (No it doesn't mean Hilda's Home), we had first to photograph 1:50000 individual Map Sheets of the Corps Area, then blow them up to 1:25000 scale (4 large photos for each map sheet) then stick them all together (3 copies if I remember correctly) and mount them in the Exercise Div HQ behind perspex sheets.

But the General wasn't happy with Black and White Maps so we had to colour in all the features and obstacles with crayons !!!!

And the youngsters nowadays don't believe us - well it really happened in the run up to SPEARPOINT 80. The Exercise Umpire Headquarters was located in a large hangar within Tofrek Barracks in Hildesheim - and the General - D-P was later investigated by HM Customs and Excise for illegally importing bottles of fine wine in the back of his horsebox !
I heard that when the horse box was opened, the Generals driver said "bugger me someones stolen the horse".
 
#8
POWERPOINT ! POWERPOINT !! You don't know the meaning of hard work !!!

Back in the day when we had a CRUSADE for a few weeks near Hildesheim (No it doesn't mean Hilda's Home), we had first to photograph 1:50000 individual Map Sheets of the Corps Area, then blow them up to 1:25000 scale (4 large photos for each map sheet) then stick them all together (3 copies if I remember correctly) and mount them in the Exercise Div HQ behind perspex sheets.

But the General wasn't happy with Black and White Maps so we had to colour in all the features and obstacles with crayons !!!!
We at 83 Int Sect did exactly the same for Schleswig Holstein in 1974 - including the crayon work. Picture in Rose and Laurel to prove it!
 
#9
there was this one time, back in the 90s, when I booked a SECRET document into a 102...
 
#14
HQ 33 (UK) Armd Bde, the Int WO and NBC Bdr had the wonderful task of sticking a map/document together - it has just been put through the shredder!
 
#15
Powerpoint! Jeez, who remembers hours spent using Letraset on poxy Vu-Foils!
 
#17
POWERPOINT ! POWERPOINT !! You don't know the meaning of hard work !!!

Back in the day when we had a CRUSADE for a few weeks near Hildesheim (No it doesn't mean Hilda's Home), we had first to photograph 1:50000 individual Map Sheets of the Corps Area, then blow them up to 1:25000 scale (4 large photos for each map sheet) then stick them all together (3 copies if I remember correctly) and mount them in the Exercise Div HQ behind perspex sheets.

But the General wasn't happy with Black and White Maps so we had to colour in all the features and obstacles with crayons !!!!

....
Pah! Had to sellotape 50 thou maps of the entire DDR into concertinas and then manually update each sheet with gathered amendments (there were plenty since the best maps were printed in the 1930s or before WW1; the US satellite stuff being a bit thin on detail).

PS, not even Int Corps.
 
#18
POWERPOINT ! POWERPOINT !! You don't know the meaning of hard work !!!

Back in the day when we had a CRUSADE for a few weeks near Hildesheim (No it doesn't mean Hilda's Home), we had first to photograph 1:50000 individual Map Sheets of the Corps Area, then blow them up to 1:25000 scale (4 large photos for each map sheet) then stick them all together (3 copies if I remember correctly) and mount them in the Exercise Div HQ behind perspex sheets.

But the General wasn't happy with Black and White Maps so we had to colour in all the features and obstacles with crayons !!!!

And the youngsters nowadays don't believe us - well it really happened in the run up to SPEARPOINT 80. The Exercise Umpire Headquarters was located in a large hangar within Tofrek Barracks in Hildesheim - and the General - D-P was later investigated by HM Customs and Excise for illegally importing bottles of fine wine in the back of his horsebox !
Corps area? I sneer in your general direction. Once upon a time (1975/6ish) I, as the 8 Coy SME in Maps, was tasked by Nick P, the revered CSM, to cut up and join together a 50:000 representation of a vast area of Northern Germany in preparation for 3 Div's forthcoming excursion to Schleswig Holstein. I used the floor of a large classroom in the Coy HQ, a few tins of mindblowingly excellent gum, a number of scalpel blades and a steel ruler. Some bastard nicked my steel ruler as I was close to completing the great work, and I foolishly resorted to the use of a wooden one.

The scalpel blade razored through my thumb with ease, of course, and as I ran around the room in random circles, much of the Map was coloured in 3SA red, which was disapproved of by the revered CSM, who requested that I do it all again.

This was a significant moment in 8 Int Coy's history, as it was the moment when I decided to volunteer for the Secret Military Intelligence Team, but I can't talk about that.
 
#19
Pah! Had to sellotape 50 thou maps of the entire DDR into concertinas and then manually update each sheet with gathered amendments (there were plenty since the best maps were printed in the 1930s or before WW1; the US satellite stuff being a bit thin on detail)..
Sellotape! Sellotape?! Bloody amateur...


PS, not even Int Corps.
All is clear.
 
#20
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