Institutionalised?

Discussion in 'The Lamp and Sandbag II - The Tall Story Strikes B' started by k13eod, Oct 22, 2007.

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  1. Got sent this in an e-mail today. Made me grin ... been out seven years and can still relate to most of it!

    BRITISH ARMY OFFICERS/WARRANT OFFICERS AND SNCO's.

    You know you're institutionalised when:

    You think that a checked shirt, (tucked in), chinos and brown shoes look "casual" on someone under the age of 40!

    You wouldn't dream of buying a shirt with either a breast pocket or button cuffs ....

    You feel slightly guilty when you are at home and see news footage from places you once served in....

    You use target indication to point out fit chicks .... You use the term "chicks".....

    You insist on dancing like a t*t, whilst your civvy mates insist on trying to dance normally....

    You don't understand why your civvy mates won't go on the p*ss mid-week....

    Your civvy mates don't understand any of the terminology you use, such as "no-dramas", "squared away", "take a knee" etc.......

    You can't help saying "Roger, wait out ", "Say again" and other snappy bits
    of voice procedure when talking to civvies who think you are probably a bit mad ...... You quite like it that they think you're a bit mad.........

    You use acronyms, thinking that your civvy mates will understand what you are talking about .... You don't have any civvy mates....

    Your Face book profile photo is one of you on Ops, in combats, body armour with a rifle, as if it makes you look cool and no one else in the army has been there!...

    You cringe and mutter under your breath "haircut", when you see men with long hair....

    You walk at a ridiculous pace and are physically incapable of walking at the shopping pace of your wife/girlfriend...

    You refer to personal organisation as "Admin"...

    Your wife/girlfriend is stored in your mobile phone address book as "0A"...

    You use patrol hand signals in a night club if people can't hear you....

    The idea of training shoes as leisure wear is anathema to you....

    You wouldn't dream of polishing a pair of shoes with just one brush ... separate on and off brushes a must.....

    You always use the 24hr clock...

    You have flashbacks of being cold, wet and miserable every time you see a pack of Rollo's....

    Nothing soldiers do shocks you any more....

    You can't watch programmes such as "Ultimate Force"/ "Soldier Soldier", without giving a running commentary, including "He didn't forward assist!", "Look at the state of Ross Kemps' webbing!"...

    Whenever you spell something out, you use the phonetic alphabet....

    You wouldn't dream of using Kiwi liquid polish...

    You wouldn't trust any woman to iron your combats...

    You point, using all four fingers...

    You think not shaving is a "treat"...

    You feel guilty if you haven’t shaved at weekends...

    You get really irritated when people you don't know call you "mate"

    The mere mention of Pirbright sends you into a 2 hour conversation on how the log was heavier, the log race longer, you didn't have duvets, you carried the GPMG on the march and shoot, and someone in your intake died during phys...

    You can read the Silverman's catalogue from cover to cover and refer to anything useful as "a Gucci" bit of kit....

    You don't think it's strange to have coat-hangers with your name on...

    Your blood boils when you see civvies wearing DPM...

    You don't talk to your family at breakfast, because you're reading your "telegraph"...

    You secretly quite like "cutting about" in uniform in places you really shouldn't .... You use the phrase "cutting about"...

    You come out in a cold sweat if you find yourself still working after lunch on a Friday...

    You have to stop work at 1000hrs for tea and cakes, or you might not make it to lunchtime...

    At least half your DVD collection is war movies...

    Even though your disposable income is twice that of a civvi, you still manage to spend it all, every month, with nothing to show for it, about a week after you've told your soldiers you can't believe how much they waste on the p*ss...

    You feel guilty about wearing jeans in front of senior officers...

    You now hate corned beef hash, in any form....

    The sight of rolling countryside makes you scan for "enemy depth"...

    You dismiss anyone that might be better than you at something by stating that "they're sh*t with weight on"...

    You think that eating every meal with the same spoon that you've licked clean for a week and kept in the same shirt pocket for a week is perfectly normal...

    All of your food has to be prepared by a chef as you're incapable of cooking anything...
     
  2. Civvy mates?? What are these? Sh1t, I am institutionalised!!
     
  3. K13eod, this email has been doing the rounds as long as you have been out mate!

    It is rather funny though, and true :D
     
  4. Apologies ... I am a little slower these days ... where's me coat ... and stick! :oops:
     
  5. Hahaha, guilty of that on an innumerable number of occasions.
     
  6. Most of the above happens to me and it made my 0A :wink: force me to become a reservist...

    She sees that as therapy for former soldiers!
     
  7. Swore I'd never touch spaghetti and bully beef again. Get the urge occasionally and need to make a pot of it to feed the soul.



    Edited to add: Got a huge sack of hotel sewing kits, the only vaguely useful thing they have in the rooms apart from the packs of tea and coffee.