Insanity and ways to avoid it...

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by chrisg46, Jun 14, 2006.

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  1. chrisg46

    chrisg46 LE Book Reviewer

    Apologies if previosuly posted

    1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car by the side of the road with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

    2. Radio/tannoy yourself. Don't disguise your voice.

    3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

    4. Put your bin on your desk and label it "IN".

    5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

    6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for smuggling diamonds".

    7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy, praise be to the dark lord".

    8. Don't use any punctuation. (taric??)

    9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk, especially on the parade ground.

    10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat - with a serious face.

    11. Specify that your order at the Drive through BK/McD/KFC is "to go".

    12. Sing along at the opera.

    13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

    14. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

    15. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Bottom.

    16. When the money comes out the cash machine, scream "I won! I won!"

    17. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, "Run for your lives, they're loose!!"

    18. Tell your children over dinner "due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

    19. Next time you give a briefing/lesson, include a Map of Poland in the briefing notes or powerpoint presentation, ensuring you have several large arrows sweeping in from across the borders. Quickly take back these when spotted and apologise. Ask those present to keep this quiet "for now", while tapping the side of your nose and winking...
  2. 20. Phone the local council to complain about the traffic lights not changing, tell them you have been sat there for four hours and they are still traffic lights
  3. 21. Walk around with a melting ice cube in your hand and ask people if they have seen the rest of your igloo.

    22. scream out loud suddenly during the day and apologise to everyone in your office for having a 'daymare'
  4. 23. Sit in a dark room with Help me carved into your chest eating shit out of an ice-cream container

    24. whenever anyone ask's you to do anything, say "whats the point we're all doomed anyway" and then puke everywhere.

    25. Declare today is pirate day, just as you did yesterday, and the day before that...etc etc
  5. chrisg46

    chrisg46 LE Book Reviewer

    Is that not just a wet hand?
  6. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

  7. 8O Good point
  8. 26. Whilst on the tube in a suitably crowded carriage suddenly look up from your book and speak out loud "What's that you say mother? Kill them all?"
  9. You'll just get ignored anyway, best I've ever seen is a bloke with Tourettes on the tube muttering away to himself with the odd FECK! BSTARDS! thrown in. Total exclusion zone around him as much as possible in a crowded carriage with me sitting behind him sniggering away
  10. 27. Phone the water board and ask them if they have any other colours.

    28. Buy CDs based on the way they taste when you lick them in a record shop.
  11. 29. Wait until the TV has gathered some dust and then press your bare arrse to it, leaving an arrse print. See how long it takes for someone to notice it. Then deny all knowledge.

    30. Try out a new wrestling move on visitors to your office/room, without warning them.

    31. Buy self help magazine and leave them lying around.

    32. Get a dymo tape and label everything 'mine'.

    33. Open each crisp bag and lick the flavor off all the crisps, then put them back in the bag and then leave them on your desk, or offer those watching if they would like one.

    34. Make a shrine dedicated to your boss.

    35. Whistle/sing one line of a song and repeat it for 3 days, then whistle/sing the next line.

    Ice :boogie:

    (Edited to add numbers!)
  12. ugly

    ugly LE Moderator

    Sadly the ex coy clerk I share a house with exhibits most if not all of these symptons including severe narcolepsy!