Inland Revenue vs Yer Man

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous Jokes' started by happybonzo, Sep 13, 2010.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. The Inland Revenue decides to audit Paddy, and summons him to an appointment with the most thorough auditor in the office.

    The auditor is not surprised when Paddy shows up with his solicitor.

    The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money
    gambling. I'm not sure the Inland Revenue finds that believable."
    "I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Paddy. "How about a demonstration?"

    The auditor thinks for a moment and says, "Okay. You're on!"

    Paddy says, "I'll bet you a thousand pound that I can bite my own eye."

    The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet."

    Paddy removes his glass eye and bites it.

    The auditor's jaw drops.

    Paddy says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand pound that I can bite my
    other eye."

    The auditor can tell Paddy isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

    Paddy removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

    The stunned auditor now realises he has bet and lost three thousand
    quid, with Paddy's solicitor as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

    "Would you like to go double or nothing?" Paddy asks. "I'll bet you
    six thousand pound that I can stand on one side of your desk and pee
    into that rubbish bin on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere
    in between."

    The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and
    decides there's no way Paddy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

    Paddy stands beside the desk and unzips his trousers, but although he
    strains like hell, he can't make the stream reach the bin on other
    side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

    The auditor leaps with joy, realising that he has just turned a major
    loss into a big win. But Paddy's solicitor moans and puts his head in
    his hands.

    "Are you okay?" the auditor asks.

    "Not really," says the solicitor. "This morning, when Paddy told me
    he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me £20,000 that he could come
    in here and p*ss all over your desk - and that you'd be happy about
    • Funny Funny x 1