Injuries you cant be proud of

#1
I have a custard injury.

Last night, assisting Mrs_spirit in the chores (I know - I'm a saint!) I was tackling the 'man's' washing up; you know, the dried and burnt on residue that the fairer sex believe can only be shifted by Cillit Bang or gentleman's efforts.

I was applying some elbow grease to a bowl which had contained a quantity of chocolate custard (yum!) but had been left for a couple of days and had dried to a consistency normally reserved for the muddy underside of afvs after 2 weeks on the Plain.

While really giving it some with the scourer a large sliver of the brown superglue separated from the bowl and made an incisive attack under my thumbnail causing an anguished yelp, no little pain, copious bleeding for such a small injury and light to moderate sympathy.

I fully realise that worse injuries have been sustained over the years by members of Her Majesties Armed Forces, I seek no mass outpourings of sympathy or compensation from Bird's Custard manufacturers. I am seeking other stories of injuries sustained in the least Ally fashion.

Can anyone top being injured by custard?
 
#2
I was cleaning my penis and it went off... dreadful mess everywhere.
 
#4
Blyth_spirit said:
I have a custard injury.

Last night, assisting Mrs_spirit in the chores (I know - I'm a saint!) I was tackling the 'man's' washing up; you know, the dried and burnt on residue that the fairer sex believe can only be shifted by Cillit Bang or gentleman's efforts.

I was applying some elbow grease to a bowl which had contained a quantity of chocolate custard (yum!) but had been left for a couple of days and had dried to a consistency normally reserved for the muddy underside of afvs after 2 weeks on the Plain.

While really giving it some with the scourer a large sliver of the brown superglue separated from the bowl and made an incisive attack under my thumbnail causing an anguished yelp, no little pain, copious bleeding for such a small injury and light to moderate sympathy.

I fully realise that worse injuries have been sustained over the years by members of Her Majesties Armed Forces, I seek no mass outpourings of sympathy or compensation from Bird's Custard manufacturers. I am seeking other stories of injuries sustained in the least Ally fashion.

Can anyone top being injured by custard?
So the truth is definitely in the pudding.
 

B_AND_T

LE
Book Reviewer
#5
The_Cad said:
I was cleaning my penis and it went off... dreadful mess everywhere.
That'll be a first then!
 
#6
The_Cad said:
I was cleaning my penis and it went off... dreadful mess everywhere.
Somewhat prematurely no doubt.
 
#7
No need to clean my penis old chap, your girlfriend cleans it for me on a regular basis when your away soldiering.

She says my penis tastes much nicer than yours, she says yours tastes of shit and vaseline.
 
#8
The_Cad said:
No need to clean my penis old chap, your girlfriend cleans it for me on a regular basis when your away soldiering.

She says my penis tastes much nicer than yours, she says yours tastes of s*** and vaseline.
Away soldering

I'm a combat plumber.
 

B_AND_T

LE
Book Reviewer
#9
The_Cad said:
No need to clean my penis old chap, your girlfriend cleans it for me on a regular basis when your away soldiering.

She says my penis tastes much nicer than yours, she says yours tastes of s*** and vaseline.
That's because it is being dipped, on a regular basis, in your mother.
 
#11
shortfuse said:
I picked up some terrible scratches on my forearms last time i sodomised and strangled a child.....


Oh NOT proud of..... sorry wrong thread.
:thumright:

You are a very bad man but after more than a decade I myself still get the urge to do the same.

All the best,

Rose West

HMP Durham
 
#12
shortfuse said:
I picked up some terrible scratches on my forearms last time i sodomised and strangled a child.....


Oh NOT proud of..... sorry wrong thread.
Last time I let you babysit the kids.

Oh, hang on, St Patricks day on Saturday....

Don't suppose you could do a few hours for us could you, usual rate? (bottle of poppers and a pack of Haribro)
 

B_AND_T

LE
Book Reviewer
#13
Throw in some black nasty and I'll do it
 
#14
Short fuse... I believe you may need the Royal Green Jackets thread.
 
#15
B_AND_T said:
Throw in some black nasty and I'll do it
Deal, but I’d like them back in one piece this time. (Really, in one piece, shortfuse always takes an ear or a little finger as a souvenir).
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#16
The_Cad said:
Short fuse... I believe you may need the Royal Green Jackets thread.
Continue libelling a fine and brave regiment (sadly now deceased) and you may need the surgical thread!
 
#19
Geordie_Blerk said:
old_fat_and_hairy said:
The_Cad said:
Short fuse... I believe you may need the Royal Green Jackets thread.
Continue libelling a fine and brave regiment (sadly now deceased) and you may need the surgical thread!
As is a blonde haired tour rep.

Not amusing- on various fronts
 
#20
Not casting any aspertions on the RGJ... merely remarking on their unorthodox chat up techniques.
 

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