Injuries you cant be proud of

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Blyth_spirit, Mar 15, 2007.

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  1. I have a custard injury.

    Last night, assisting Mrs_spirit in the chores (I know - I'm a saint!) I was tackling the 'man's' washing up; you know, the dried and burnt on residue that the fairer sex believe can only be shifted by Cillit Bang or gentleman's efforts.

    I was applying some elbow grease to a bowl which had contained a quantity of chocolate custard (yum!) but had been left for a couple of days and had dried to a consistency normally reserved for the muddy underside of afvs after 2 weeks on the Plain.

    While really giving it some with the scourer a large sliver of the brown superglue separated from the bowl and made an incisive attack under my thumbnail causing an anguished yelp, no little pain, copious bleeding for such a small injury and light to moderate sympathy.

    I fully realise that worse injuries have been sustained over the years by members of Her Majesties Armed Forces, I seek no mass outpourings of sympathy or compensation from Bird's Custard manufacturers. I am seeking other stories of injuries sustained in the least Ally fashion.

    Can anyone top being injured by custard?
     
  2. I was cleaning my penis and it went off... dreadful mess everywhere.
     
  3. Did you come...or go?
     
  4. So the truth is definitely in the pudding.
     
  5. B_AND_T

    B_AND_T LE Book Reviewer

    That'll be a first then!
     
  6. Somewhat prematurely no doubt.
     
  7. No need to clean my penis old chap, your girlfriend cleans it for me on a regular basis when your away soldiering.

    She says my penis tastes much nicer than yours, she says yours tastes of shit and vaseline.
     
  8. Away soldering

    I'm a combat plumber.
     
  9. B_AND_T

    B_AND_T LE Book Reviewer

    That's because it is being dipped, on a regular basis, in your mother.
     
  10. I picked up some terrible scratches on my forearms last time i sodomised and strangled a child.....


    Oh NOT proud of..... sorry wrong thread.
     
  11. :thumright:

    You are a very bad man but after more than a decade I myself still get the urge to do the same.

    All the best,

    Rose West

    HMP Durham
     
  12. Last time I let you babysit the kids.

    Oh, hang on, St Patricks day on Saturday....

    Don't suppose you could do a few hours for us could you, usual rate? (bottle of poppers and a pack of Haribro)
     
  13. B_AND_T

    B_AND_T LE Book Reviewer

    Throw in some black nasty and I'll do it
     
  14. Short fuse... I believe you may need the Royal Green Jackets thread.
     
  15. Deal, but I’d like them back in one piece this time. (Really, in one piece, shortfuse always takes an ear or a little finger as a souvenir).