Injuries that made you howl or laugh

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Hellmans, Apr 15, 2011.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. We've all see accidents and injuries that affected others and made us laugh, like the time the MGB pallet was yanked on the back of a 4 tonner and landed on the Troop dwarf's foot relieving him of two toes and him being henceforth called 'Billy Club Foot' , oh how we laughed!

    Then there are those that happened to you, mine was when we first got Saxons. Took one to the REME LAD for an 'IN' inspection. Driving round camp I was in the commanders hatch when the REME Staffy said brace yourself for the brake test.

    I grabbed the front of the hatch as the wagon lurched forward under weight transfer. The hatch locking mechanism failed and the hatch slammed shut on my fingers OUCH! Severed both middle fingers and gashed the rest.
    After they were stiched back the sympathy was brill, lads in the block getting the brews, opening doors. It lasted until I needed a dump then disappeared, strangely enough.

    So what injuries can you claim to have had or seen, did you howl with laughter or squeel with pain?
     
  2. Standing on the tail gate (still locked in position) acting like a cock full battle rattle on preparing to jump off when it moved forward and said tinman went arse over tits and hoping no one had seen. Shoulder needed some attention. I can still hear the laughter now, i think the emperor had a chuckle!
     
  3. Watching the Brigade Major McGregor of McGregor lift his feet to clear a building but his container slamming into the side of the building resulting in him breaking his leg on hitting the roof. [16 Para Bde mass jump, Plains of Thermopylae, Greece, 1962.]
     
  4. In a log run over an assault course watching a lad (who'd tripped up - regaining his composure) stick his bonce in front of said log going at a fair pace straight into his fizzog, instaintly relieving him of 3 front teeth and his conscieness and I heard the sight in one of his eyes. Last seen in the back of an ambulance never to be seen again.
    How we laughed, he's probably got brain damage now!
     
    • Like Like x 1
  5. I was on Ex Frozen Crane, in Canada, practising military parachuting in arctic conditions. On one particular jump, doing sim sticks, I managed to get involved in a mid air entanglement immediately after exiting the aircraft. My ass cheek connected with the head of my opposite number on the starboard side, resulting in a haematoma the size of a melon on my bum cheek.

    The initial pain and mild consternation was tempered by impacting into deep snow at a rapid rate of knots whilst my anus was chewing on the crutch of my combats.

    Luckily the bruising and intense pain only lasted for 3 months.
     
  6. Had a soldier come in with his penis splayed at the end, very badly mangled. He claimed that he'd been having a piss out the (sash) window when the window came down upon it. Not convinced both I and the MO questioned him further until he told us what had really happened. He was married but had been humping a WRAC. He'd told his Mrs he was on guard duty to get a night with his shag. He had a major parade the next day and had neglected re-studding his ammo boots. He took along a last and was hammering studs in much to WRAC's consternation because she wanted seeing to. He was sat naked and working on his boots when he made the mistake of calling her by his wife's name. She went over, grabbed the hammer and his dick and proceeded to stretch it over his boot and hammer fuck out of it. That story certainly fitted the injuries. I didn't do much laughing though because my eyes were watering at the thought of it and the flayed meat I was trying to clean up!
     
  7. I heard of a wee lass in my last unit, stand between the towing eye and trailer, said trailer was detached by wee girly and the trailer (being back heavy) flipped up. It caught the unfortunate lady between the legs with real force, was a long time until I saw her again. Heard that it really did some damage. Brings water to my eyes thinking about it. :S
     
  8. I once ran under the cam-net when in a rush and ran smack into the tailgate of a HF comd detachment with the top of my head (you know, the ones that make a platform. Staffy was standing there and saw it all happen, Christ nearly knocked me out. Staffy sat me down for a while and was gen worried. When I recovered he obviously took the piss, bastard.
     
  9. Our PT Corps man decided to test the confidence in the powers of voice commands during a battle PT lesson on the assault course. He placed 2 blokes back-to-back wearing blindfolds, they were facing their team. On the command 'go', they had to jog towards their teams voice commands. This was a hard environment due to lots of shouting, and that they were between obstacles.
    They started to jog and the first guy couldn't hear his team clearly, he ran straight for the 5 parallel logs, we were all concentrating hoping him to complete the logs blindfolded...he got to the 4th log before piling in!

    At the same time, we all forgot about the other chap. He was heading full speed towards the 12ft wall, he hit the corner and was out, sparko!

    Mega funny!
     
  10. On ex in Sennybridge last year, it was about 2200 and I was talking a walk to the thunder box. Had my headtorch on but pointed at the ground, I didn't see the back of the man truck as I walked straight into the back of it. The OCdts milling around waiting to go on a patrol saw, or heard, me walk into it though.
     
  11. Not a service-related injury but it did make me howl:

    In my previous job there was a chap, an ignorant conceited short wretch who at the age of 24 had a severely receding hairline. For the sake of privacy we shall call this oily louse "Mr William James Kennedy". This "gent" thought the last word in practical comedy was to drop colleagues chairs out from under them, by pressing down the lever with his foot.

    He decided it would be particularly funny to play his trick on a new girl - a rather ample young lady from the West Indies. Actually "rather ample" doesn't do her any kind of justice, she was colossal. I try to be charitable but you do need the right image here. She looked as though she had been built out of sandbags. Large, damp sandbags.

    Anyway, the chair came down so quickly that he couldn't remove his foot quickly enough, and it became crushed between the chair and the base. Much screaming and thrashing ensued, and the young lady, in her newly lowered position, was unable to get up from her chair and thereby release his foot. She looked very much like an upturned Galapogas tortoise by this point, and she was booming out Caribbean insults at William while trying to reach far enough around herself to hit him.

    I laughed until I cried. And then I laughed some more. And then I remembered I was the First Aider for the floor. And then I kept laughing.
     
    • Like Like x 6
  12. Snapped banjo strings ALWAYS make me snigger!!
     
  13. That word alone has sounded the death knell for this thread. Fucking civvies.
     
  14. Watching someone run into the open back of a 43 at full tilt, hitting the top ledge and sparking themselves right out. Made me chuckle.
     
  15. Was on patrol in Sangin and one of my blokes stood on an IED and lost both legs and his left arm. We were pissing ourselves so much we forgot to treat him. It was soooo funny. Even 'he' started laughing at his misfortune just before dropping dead.
     
    • Like Like x 5