Injured Bits and pieces

Was speaking to a mate a wee while ago. We were talking about being out one night on the lash and he'd pulled. But being the randy twat that he was he couldn't wait to get her home and persuaded her to have a knee trembler round the back of the local bop.

He was just reching his vinegar strokes when a nice Torch beam shone on them catching in the act. It was Plod............. "Hello hello hello! Whats going on here then?"

Needless to say he found this somewhat disconcerting and lost his stroke flopped out without noticing and ended up banging his tadger in to a HARLED wall. There was blood everywhere as he'd damned near skinned himself alive. Spent a week in hospital coz of it. Apparently the plods in question couldn't stop p*ssing themselves laughing all the way to the hospital. And they still had him for indecent behaviour.

Apparently his c ock has the texture of rough grade sandpaper now.

Wasn't half as funny as the kicking he got off his missus when she found out though................................



Anyone got anything similar to tell?

 

A Welsh mate of mine slipped whilst doing an obstacle crossing during a school CCF exercise. He caught his bollox on some barbed wire and ripped them open. He was actually sat there laughing holding a nadger in his hand, quite a picture. They are very grey and slimy by the way.

He's OK now, just has a prosthetic ball - very useful for pub tricks.

 

As a young lad of about 14 I was making my way home across a nearby park and decided to take a short cut which required me to climb over a fence made of cast iron railings......you know the sort with those old fashioned spikes on top (.....you can see where this is going).

So I'm just big enough to straddle the fence without ripping my jeans and just as I swing my trailing leg over I slipped..... and felt the iron spike rip open my jeans and punture the skin just shy of my right ball.......and in my mild state of panic I tried to extract myself but only ended up impaling myself further.

OK.....I realise I've got to get off this fecker without completely skewering myself and look around for help......no one about.......its up to me. So pushing myself up I manage to extract the tip of the spike and swing my leg over the fence (which hurt more than the initial stab). I then have a quick feel down below.....both conkers intact but a warm stinging sensation from my inner thigh. Tried to walk but it was a tad delicate, I then remembered some friends of my parents lived nearby, so I struggle to their house to see if they would call the old fella to come pick me up.

The missus invites me in and can see I'm in some pain so she decides to do the first aider thing.......before I know it I'm lying on the sofa with my meat and two veg hanging out with a middle aged crow applying direct pressure .........(I've had many a harry monk remembering that one, except she tend to be rather younger)

Upshot was........the old mans out so cant pick me up and mums working........so I had to stagger home (there was no way I was going to the hospital to get stitches I'd suffered enough already)

.......I'm off for a w ank

 

Had a mate in school that went out to retrieve has javelin while the other were still throwing as he was a fast runner and could “Dodge them”.

30 seconds later calls for “Sir, Sir!...Michael has been killed “


Turns out he had just been struck in the groin just left of his still bald ballbag.

How we laughed as the PT class was cancelled .