Inconsiderate flids

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by brettarider, Jul 5, 2010.

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  1. Get a phone call today from my contractor who's about to under take some major works in Queen St in Glasgow that they can't start due to some space hopper badge holders deciding that the no parking cone that they placed out on Sunday or the parking ban agreed and plastered all over the place with the council or the £1600 add we had to put in the paper cause the biff bays were affected.

    So anyway I attend site and find 4 cars holding us up a wee bit later the traffic wardens tip up and with a bit of explaining have them lifted should be £180 but turns out as they have space hopper badge it won't be enforced however will still cost us £250 per car to have them shifted yup GCC can make £430 per car moving them plus the 3/4 of the day lost that I have to pay our contractor for standing about.

    So if you've got a red Range Rover with a BLESMA sticker on it thanks for being part of a bunch of twats that stopped our works you can't have been that disabled because the lads checked every shop/office in Queen St and you weren't there. Still the look on your face must have been priceless when you finally rocked up to see your car was missing. If it's there tomorrow it'll be lifted again!
  2. My job was once affected by these parking spaces, but in a slightly different way.

    I would lurk around the disabled bays and watch for people who parked in said bays and exited their vehicles. If they did so in a manner that was not disabled in any significant way (For example, if they were not hobbling, crawling or being pushed in a wheelchair) then stage one of the operation began.

    These "cheats" would then be followed around the store, and at every opportunity various items of shopping would be surreptitiously removed from their shopping trolley and replaced with a similar, but more expensive item.

    At the till most of the cheats were either too thick to notice or too embarrassed to make a complaint to the checkout staff.

    The extra money that the store would make from selling the more expensive products easily offset the cost of my invoice.

    Those individuals that did demand that they have the expensive items replaced were responsible for the tiresome queues of honest parkers who were now being held up, and with the general public now on side, the second stage of the operation fell into place.

    As the complaining cheat approached the illegally parked vehicle, a secret hand signal was sent to an ‘oppo sitting in a rooftop hide (Normally behind the "O" of Morrisons")

    Small ball bearings (painted yellow to look like wasps) were then fired at the cheat from a catapult, much to the amusement of the applauding general public.

    Most of the cheats now shop at M&S and Tesco (who would not employ me, although Tesco appeared enthusiastic to start with.)

    Arte still has a large quantity of yellow ball bearings for sale and is not disabled in any physical sense.
  3. maguire

    maguire LE Book Reviewer

    I call bullshit.

    All the 'Morrisons' I know have the signs mounted directly on the wall, so unless your oppo had removed a considerable amount of masonry how could he have seen the illegally parked people??
  4. My oppo was disabled. He had no legs and very short arms. And he's dead now. You bastard.

    Edited to add. When I say "dead" I mean he doesn't speak to me or get the beers in anymore, after I tried to pay him with ball bearings.
  5. what flavour are these there ball bearings?
    could do with a bob a job
  6. Excellent (rubs hands with glee) A Potential customer.

    "They are chocolate flavoured my friend. One guinea a gross."
  7. Command_doh

    Command_doh LE Book Reviewer

    I thought this was 'inconsiderate fluids'. And there was I about to tell you all about my dysfunctional bowels after the 'all you can eat' Chinese buffet yesterday.
  8. Don't bring Shortarms into this if he is not here to defend himself because that's just mean.

  9. Mibbie if you used a couple more of the '.' and the ',' then mibeez your notices and ads would have got more attention?

    Just a thought.