Incest is best

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by filthyphil, May 26, 2006.

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  1. no, it's a sin

  2. err, maybe, I'll check the family tree

  3. All my family have straight hair and curly teeth

  1. We've had polls on being gay, sh@gging trannies, and bestiality. Now for something different. I used to fcuk my second cousin (female, in case you got her confused with my third cousin) She was eighteen, I hope, at the time. She was reasonably inexperienced, having only had one miscarriage by this time, or more accurately half a miscarriage, as I think I may have inadvertently swallowed the other half. Her previous male friend was rather inexperienced, as when I started nibbling at her corned beef curtains she hit the roof, and as I turned my attention to the little man in the boat the noise was reminiscent of London during the blitz with the sirens wailing. As an aside, it seems rather remiss of her former beau to forego the oral side of things. I remember reading a Seppo book where a man was quoted as saying "Show me a man who don't eat out his wife and jerk off his huntin' dawg, and I'll steal them both." Or was that "jerk off his wife and eat out his huntin' dawg", but never mind. The high point of this was when my Dad remarked that she was an idle moll because she didn't have a job at the time. I replied that she was a decent shag. Father said "You sh@gged her, you dirty cnut?" I said "Yeah, and it was in your bed too". Father died early from terminal Tourettes, and as he requested that his last words be preserved for posterity, his gravestone is the only one in the cemetery that reads "Cnut b@lllocks arrsehole t!twank". But, I digress. If you have noshed your nephew, got a gobble from granny, or bukkaked your brother, own up here.
  2. Incest is relatively boring.

    Necrophilia is dead boring.
  3. You are just trying to boost your chances of being voted most depraved arrser (which is thoroughly commendable).
    I fear that its too late for anyone to try to beat MDN, king of perverts. Good luck though, I think your best chance is bribery/blackmail to get others to vote for you.
  4. Tried sadistic bestial necrophilia? Not to be recommended as it'd only be flogging a dead horse.
  5. My auntie is quite hot, wouldnt mind givin her one...
  6. A cunning ploy Phil, but I'm afraid this will only get you on next years shortlist.
  7. Sorry, but I voted for MDN. Whoever the bloke was that voted for me, cheers mate.
  8. Incest:

    I once came in lagered up from a night on the lash and went for a slash... On the way back from the lav it seemed a good idea that I climb in to bed with my sister with the boner I was cradling at the time.

    She didn't see the funny side of a slavver soaked brother weilding a blunt instrument and wailed the house down.

    My old man steered my back to the bedroom and didn't have the decency to sort me out with a quick one off the wrist to sort out my blood engorged rod.

    I was frowned and scowled at for days after and occasionally it gets brought up at family functions.... Not sure what the problem was she was over 16, and I reckon she was up for it, and the screams were due to a spider on the wall behind me. Being the black sheep of the family I put an end to that by saying 'Imagine the deformed babies we'd have had'

    My sister is now eight months pregnant and the desire to nob her has dwindled
  9. Poof. Be a man, shag ya sister, then eat your unborn nephew. Honestly, it was all the rage in Rome.
  10. It’s SOP to remove all animals with more than four legs before banging one into one’s sister. It’s considered gentlemanly to remove all animals with less than six legs, too.

    And having eaten said nephew, knock her up yourself. Incest without inbreeding is a job half done.
  11. As a wee boy I used to prance about in my mothers undies feeling delisciously naughty. She indulged this depraved activity 'til the age of about twelve when she decided heavy doses of religion would cure me. At that point my crossdressing activities were forced underground. I'd sleep in her soiled undergarments filched from the laundry hamper. I also began wanking to mental images of her, something I still do to this day.

    This probably doesn't count as the real thing but a man can always dream, can't he?
  12. We really need to define incest: surely pre-teen hand relief from a benign aunt doesn't fall into this category?

    So, no temptation to wet the baby's head? :D

    And do you have any phots of your sister's pregnancy-swollen ginch?
  13. There's no way you're getting away with leaving that story there.
  14. Sticking a couple of fingers into my pre-pubescent cousin when I was 13 probably doesn't count....... does it??

    She was 12 so I think it's acceptable.

  15. What a beautiful story

    I still cross dress now, but I have to be honest, I don't make the prettiest lady and its difficult trying to find size horny heels and silk undies to fit a 6'3 frame, doesn't stop me raiding mummies cupboards when I visit... Sadly she has goen through the change so there are no more knickers in the laundry basket with those horny red stains.