Inappropriate perving

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Taff49, May 19, 2010.

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  1. Went to a funeral yesterday. It was a legitimate invite, I didn’t just wake up and think “you know what, I fancy a funeral today” and go looking for the one with the best buffet or anything. It was my auntie’s do, she was a decent old girl, you know the sort of auntie who always send you a fiver on your birthday and always has a jar full of sweets for you? Anyhow, the service went well, the Minister knew his stuff, standing room only in the Baptist chapel (she “found” God about 15 years ago) and lots of people there all agreeing on how fab Auntie was (quite rightly too, IMO).

    Anyway, I was distracted by an absolutely stunning example of MILF who was there, seated two chairs down from me. Maybe it’s my advancing years, but I see a fit 20-something lass and think that’s hot. I see a decent MILF and think I could do that, if you see the difference? It’s like I’ve accepted that the younger ones are now out of my league but the MILFs are all fair game? Anyhow, I digress. She was well tanned (not David Dickinson orange), tidy figure with a very impressive chest which was quite visible through her white top, nice firm arrse in black trousers, well tailored as well, no Primark tat here. I could barely concentrate on the eulogy. Things improved after the service, we got chatting outside and she asked for a light (which I provided) and commented on how she likes the taste of cigarettes lit by a Zippo. Then she asks if I need a lift to the crem, I have to say no as I’m with family. So at the crem I’m keeping half an eye out for her when a silver Porsche Boxster with a pers plate screams up and parks in the disabled slot. Out jumps MILFy, plainly not disabled, and walks over to where I’m standing. I jokingly comment on her choice of parking space and she replies it was the only one she could find and besides who put me in charge of parking? Decent motor and not going to take any sh1t, she’s just getting better in my book.

    We caught each others eye a number of times during the cremation, and then again at the bun fight afterwards, where we were able to chat a bit more, in a polite, post-funeral kind of way you understand. We managed to avoid actually overtly flirting with each other but there was enough lingering eye contact to prompt one of my surviving aunties to elbow me and whisper “stop it”. We didn’t actually swap numbers, but the same aunt who nudged me let slip that her mate Nicky (the Porsche-driving MILF) had asked her for mine. Haven’t heard from her yet, mind.

    Is it wrong of me to use the funeral of a loved and respected member of the family as an opportunity to eye up and possible pull the mourning talent? And what is it about fit chicks in black clothes anyway? There were loads there that would pass muster.

    Have any other readers had a moment of sexual fanatsy when perhaps they shouldn't have?
  2. Nothing at all wrong with using the death of a relative for the purpose of pulling :D
    In fact as the said female may well need comforting and a shoulder to cry on, then I'd suggest it was the perfect place to perfect the art of molesting MILF :twisted:
    Go on Mukker fill your boots :D I know I would :twisted:
  3. So.......good effort Taff. When you're done can I have a go?
  4. old_fat_and_hairy

    old_fat_and_hairy LE Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    I love funerals! Of course I'm at that age where I go to a lot. They are much better than weddings. One doesn't need to buy a gift, dress is easy - the suit and tie - and usually a drink and bit of grub afterward. Plus, apart from the sheer pleasure of knowing it's not me in the box and I've outlived another mate, there is always, without fail, a fairly decent bit of talent there. Either the widow (ok, I know that's low, but someone has to comfort her) or sisters/cousins/ workmates. And they usually look good in black And, as an added bonus, you don't have to look as if you are enjoying yourself! Much better than weddings.
  5. go for it!! I did a few years back :D
  6. The two of you arn't related are you?
  7. Taff, very impressed and obviously you should go for it. I do have a query re your story, you say your Aunt had found God, two questions;

    Where did she find him?

    Did he know he was lost?
  8. msr

    msr LE

    No such thing :)

  9. Good drills Taff - rip in there mate. There's not much to get out of a funeral, so get what you can.
  10. I'm sure I read this same story in Razzle a few years ago.Part two was when the alleged MILF and her friend turned up,and all three did the dirty.
  11. I have inappropriate moments of sexual fantasy every day. Mind you, I work for a Russian state company....
  12. Good skills Taff other than not grabbing her mobile number a bit slack. A similar thing happened to me (less the porche) with a never met before distant cousin at my grandmother's funeral a few years ago. Still married at the time though the wife was not with me and I was staying over in Thetford so I didn't get as far as the phone number thing though now wish I had. Nothing like a good perv to brighten up an otherwise sad occasion.
  13. Your sisters and cousins, ah well each to their own

    Ah my hat........
  14. You lucky ,lucky, lucky bastard.

    All good funerals should have fit totty for purposes of eying up/shagging.

    My other small business plan, not the one about the brothel when they legalise prostitution in this country, is to run a funeral home with a difference. The difference would be that you can hire high class call girls to attend the funeral, to brighten up the bereaved congregation. Thay can then tap off thinking they are Gods gift by pulling a stunner in black.
    Admittedly this would only appeal to the men and dykes in attendance.
    It's more a work in progress really.

    P.S. Are you going to write this entry in your "Book of New Things I Did Today"?