I popped around to a mate's house the other day. Recently single and not apparently all that happy about it, he has apparently been a bit mis-mog. I was not able to be "there for him" - in other words get him out on the lash - due to my involuntary sojourn overseas. So last night I popped in with a few bottles of beer and some cigars. Appropriate gifts you will all agree. I needn't have bothered. He was dressing for a night out as he had pulled the previous evening. We had a few beers before he headed out and whilst chatting bollox, as one does, and sparking up a cigar, I noticed his dog had a new toy. Twelve inches or so long, with a bell-end at each end, it was one of those eponymously named "double-ender" dil-dolls. It was in all respects anatomically perfect and being made of semi-rigid plastic, made an excellent dog toy/chew. She who had recently been dismissed from his service apparently had enjoyed diligent use of said "double-ender". He had prevented her from taking the thing and thrown it angrily to the deckhead - at which point Lulu the Staffy had retrieved it. It now is of far more use as a dog chew. It is perhaps however the least appropriate one I have ever seen, with the exception of a black Action Man toy that another friend used to torment his ridgeback.