Inappropriate Christening Gifts?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by LucreziaBorgia, May 7, 2011.

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  1. Hello,

    I'm hoping you'll be able to help me:

    An acquaintance of mine has apparently passed a small human being. Rather than being shocked and horrified, denying all knowledge and locking it in the attic like any normal person, she deems it appropriate to inflict the noisy, smelly little gamin on all of her family and friends in a celebratory manner. In a church of all places. Please alert the burns unit that I'll be in again soon.

    My husband informs me that it is "the done thing" to present the parties responsible for this misstep with a gift of some kind. In my view the ideal gift would have been a bottle of Tanqueray and a sterilised crochet hook, but I think we may be a little late for it.

    My initial suggestions of a plastic carrier bag and an all-inclusive trip to the vets for the sire of said gremlin were met with "the eyebrow" (Which only served to get me excited and derail the conversation for, oh several wonderful seconds). A leash and muzzle were also jettisoned from the shopping list, along with a costume to disguise the sprogling as a dog or large cat of some kind. He didn't even like my star suggestion of a pelvic floor toning set, which I thought was really quite mean. I was going to have it engraved and everything.

    I'm really at a loss at this point. Apparently the gift is meant for the ratling personally; in which case I saw a lovely silver hip-flask and cigarette case set in a jewellers window...?

  2. [​IMG]

    Uploaded with

    These nice people have produced a manual all about child rearing.The proud parents would be delighted to receive that I'm sure.
    • Like Like x 1
  3. Websensed. Bugger. :roll:

    Will have a look this eve.
  4. Oh dear have had this problem a few times. You're meant to be gifting the sprog but all you feel like doing is pampering the poor parents. They always look visibly shocked and in 'no man's land' after giving birth and for the next 3 months.

    But your hubby is right. A silver bracelet, silver rattle is the obvious. The not so obvious is opening a Building Society account for said sprog with a sum of money as your present. Believe me said sprog on reaching 17 will thank you for your welcome gift. That is as long as parents/relatives continue to add money to it! :)

    LB I love the expression "passed a small human being". It has been my experience that they are never 'passed' or 'small'...
  5. In Scotland, it is traditional to present the unhappy couple with a ceremonial ashtray, or quaich as they call it.
  6. Ah yes. We got one of those as a wedding present. My husband is of the shortbread persuation.

    And yes, it is used as an ashtray.

    Not that it isn't a lovely idea, but I don't see the point in getting the couple who can't count an ashtray just at the moment - don't small humans have a little depression in their skulls, perfect for exactly that purpose?

  7. Chemistry set?
  8. In our family, we have a long tradition for the new born. It goes back as far as anyone can remember.
    Errr... people have short memory. It was invented by me 8 years ago, when the family were breeding,
    costing me a fortune. So.......
    A coin, any value, is placed in the baby's hand and told, "If you don't spend this, you'll always have money."
    It's a load of bollocks, but everyone nods and smiles sagely. Saves a fortune. In a couple of hundred years time
    it'll be quoted in religious text and sermons.
  9. It's traditional that you give the parents something for the baby. I hear the going rate is £3.53/lb.
  10. Brilliance. And I've still got a 500 lire coin kicking about somewhere.

    I liked the chemistry set idea as well. May save that for the little hellion's first birthday.
  11. AAGF


    Large tube of Astroglide, two (or more) shoehorns and a hydraulic jack. Then they can recreate the birth whenever they feel nostalgic ...
  12. Lets say, 7.5 lb baby..... £26.47!? Just off to cancel the rib eye roast I had ordered for tomorrow's lunch.

    Pour some gravy over it and you can literally feed soldiers anything.

  13. Thank you AAGF.

    Although I suspect if the couple in question had any notion of Astroglide they wouldn't be in this mess in the first place.

  14. Cuddly pet is nice.

  15. DNA test? Proof for future reference?