In a perfect world...

#1
Whilst working on a song yesterday I was having trouble with the chorus so I decided to take a break. Well, one thing led to another and I ended up getting caught 'mid-wänk' by my girlfriend who had returned early from a shopping trip. She was really cool about it but I couldn't stop myself thinking that things could have panned out better.

In a perfect world she would have smiled knowingly before shoving my hand away and finishing the job I started. There would no questions about what I had been watching on my brain-cam and she would completely and utterly understand that at the end of the day it was just a wänk - nothing more and that it was NOT a symptom of a failing relationship! :) She didn't actually ask about my brain-cam but it would have been a difficult one to answer as the woman in question had body parts from about 8 different women...

So what else would happen in a perfect world?
 
#2
All PTIs and Drill Pigs would be (sexually 'fit') female and give you a gobble on completion of PT and drill - we'd have a much fitter and better turned out army for sure!
 
#3
Stained_Eligius said:
Whilst working on a song yesterday I was having trouble with the chorus so I decided to take a break. Well, one thing led to another and I ended up getting caught 'mid-wänk'
DJ ANAL INTRUDER 3000'S TEN GREATEST ROCK 'N' ROLL SONGS ABOUT WANKING
(the criteria being that the song has to be specifically concerned with slapping the salami, as opposed to merely mentioning it as in 'Longview', 'Get Into The Groove' or 'The Perfect Kiss')
1. "Turning Japanese" - The Vapours
2. "Orgasm Addict" - The Buzzcocks
3. "Pictures of Lily" - The Who
4. "I Touch Myself" - The Divinyls
5. "Dancing With Myself" - Billy Idol
6. "Pump It Up" - Elvis Costello
7. "Blister In The Sun" - The Violent Femmes
8. "Self Abuser" - The Fauves
9. "She Bop" - Cyndi Lauper
10. "Close To Me" - The Cu
Just a thought.....
 
#5
Storeman Norman said:
Stained_Eligius said:
Whilst working on a song yesterday I was having trouble with the chorus so I decided to take a break. Well, one thing led to another and I ended up getting caught 'mid-wänk'
DJ ANAL INTRUDER 3000'S TEN GREATEST ROCK 'N' ROLL SONGS ABOUT WANKING
(the criteria being that the song has to be specifically concerned with slapping the salami, as opposed to merely mentioning it as in 'Longview', 'Get Into The Groove' or 'The Perfect Kiss')
1. "Turning Japanese" - The Vapours
2. "Orgasm Addict" - The Buzzcocks
3. "Pictures of Lily" - The Who
4. "I Touch Myself" - The Divinyls
5. "Dancing With Myself" - Billy Idol
6. "Pump It Up" - Elvis Costello
7. "Blister In The Sun" - The Violent Femmes
8. "Self Abuser" - The Fauves
9. "She Bop" - Cyndi Lauper
10. "Close To Me" - The Cu
Just a thought.....
heres a song not veiled with inuendo
Ivor Bigun - I'mA W?*nker -
 
#6
In a perfect world, her and her sister would have walked in with a case of stella, opened one for you then stripped off and engaged in lesbian acts before asking your preference of bj, anal or both. They would have then driven you down to the pub and waited in the car until you were finished before taking you home to a roast dinner, after which they would do housework in the nude until you were ready for another sh@g. Got to go now, I got wood.
 
#7
Ah, this isn't actually about the wänk :) I was thinking of other things in a perfect world: ouija telephones. You could call Nostradamus and find out whether it was all just a massive wah.. or Hitler to ask whether, with hindsight, he could have handled things slightly better..


edited to beat the filter
 
#8
Y'can add Teenage Kicks by The Undertones too.
 

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