Improvised Weapons.

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by tomthetinker, Jul 13, 2009.

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  1. I used to share a room with a guy who would file the old two pence pieces until they had a sharp edge; then throw them at people. He used to stuff some into an Englands Glory matchbox and put them in his pocket before going out on the lash. By the time he went to MCTC he had explored the possibilities of darts and finally graduated to golf balls with a six inch nail through the middle.

    As a young sprog we used to hear tales of Irish women studding half potatoes with several razor blades and slashing soldiers faces, though I hope it was just an urban myth.

    I remember there used to be all kinds of crap floating around the block; coshes, bats, rambo knives, CS sprays......the list is endless. I heard about - but never met - a known eccentric who persuaded the LAD to weld a medieval morning star mace together for him out of some scrap metal and old chain.

    So what was/is your favourite improvised or unnoficial weapon?
  2. Schaden

    Schaden LE Book Reviewer

    Kill stick - 5' length of circular rebar - use an angle grinder to make both points have a razor sharp point.

    Poachers in Africa use them to kill snared animals - works equally well on burglars.

    Oh and my personal favourite - 12 inches of motor bike chain nailed to a wooden handle, can be folded up an popped into your pocket for neatness.
  3. A tightly rolled copy of the Daily Telegraph. If you get stopped by the plod they'll instantly recognise your quality and breeding and with a cheery wave see you on your way.

    PS Pinkie in Brighton Rock by Graham Greene (written 1938) carried a potato with razor blades in it, had it on a string so he could attack from a distance. (O Level Eng Lit with Lord of the Flies, Macbeth and Midsummer Night's)
  4. So do you set this snare for the burglar inside your gaff or outside?

  5. And do you remember it's there when you come in blathered?
  6. Works when abroad too, when Johnny Foreigner demands your papers merely show him your copy of the Telegraph and he will instantly turn into the quivering wretch that he is.
  7. CS and Pepper sprays, TASERs & stun guns, knives and samurai swords were all purchased in town. Kubatons, knuckle dusters, coshes, telescopic batons, catapults and crossbows were either acquired in town or made yourself.

    Some bloody good fun had in the block - many a weekend smashed practicing your crossbow grouping on some poor sods best boots or smashing the feck out the comatose in the room opposite with a catapult - happy days! Luckily I didn't take any of the above items back to the UK with me.
  8. Improvised weapon?

    My eldest dog’s arrse! She's called Bonnie because she's a pretty girl but I reckon if they had smelt her first she would be called Rancid. Fcuking lethal at a hundred paces.

    Out of curiosity I once popped her into a bus shelter (on a long leash of course) when she was at her most foul ... she let rip and I swear the little old lady sat in there passed out and then began to slowly dissolve.

    When I take her on a train I often have the carriage to myself.
  9. Long piece of metal (about 5mm in diameter), with a nut on one end. about 2 feet long, and whippy as feck. hit someone round the head with that, and it's all over.
  10. A nine-inch length of ¾" hawser cut off with a welder, then wrapped with Harry black. Very handy indeed.

  11. 6-Cell Maglite; easier to justify than a baseball bat. :wink:
  12. K13, you b*stard, you've reminded me of our last dog who used to lurk under the table at dinnertime, on the bludge for scraps. His oeuvre was antitank stench perpetrated in utter silence. You'd be sitting there, dining away happily, until the eye-watering green fug of doom wafted up from below... 8O

    An old-time wharfie who, if he had to go about the docks alone at night, would carry a farrier's worn-out hoof rasp wrapped in the day's newspaper. If anyone fancied having a go, a sharp tap to the head would dissuade him. If it didn't, the paper was discarded and the rasp used alone...crunch thud squelch.
  13. maguire

    maguire LE Book Reviewer

    I did acquire an ASP-type baton some years ago, when I worked in a bit of a rough area... the look on a chav's face when I took it out of my pocket instead of handing over my mobile phone as I was told to was a sight to behold... :)
  14. msr

    msr LE

    Water melon injected with water from the Shatt al Arab seemed to be quite effective when handed out in slices to the IPS.

  15. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    I've had two favourites, only one of which was 'fashioned'. The first was a nice 12" dowel of oak, with a loop at one end, as well as some black-nasty to add grip.

    There was a lady (one of my neighbours in our block of flats) who was screaming with some bloke bouncing her head off the doorjamb of the house, so out trolls I, asks him to stop, and he refused. Queue a bunch of to'ing and fro'ing over about 30 seconds, during which time my little helper sees much use, the floor much claret, the lady much horror, and the assailant much bat, followed by floor, followed by claret, shortly thereafter followed by my bath as I throw him in to hose him down.

    I loved that piece of wood I did! [sniff]

    Anyhoo - the nearest I've found is a beautiful bit of kit called 'The Slapper', which is about 8" long, looks like a flat leather shoe-horn, but therein the similarities end. No shoe-horn as a flat lead bar up the middle. It's basically a kosh, but is calld a 'slapper' because of the noise it makes hitting skulls and limbs. In terms of utility of design, this baby is a work of art.

    Lemme see if I can find a picture of one: