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Important info for husbands.

#1
Over the weekend I found myself in a rather difficult position. Whilst stood in the kitchen pondering how the big cold thing keeps filling with food, how the thing that makes the food hot works and many other things that confuse us blokes, I called to the wife to let her know that it was a bit cold and could she, as she was in the sitting room, check what temperature the heating was set to. It is at this point that my whole weekend when down hill, the following is a transcript of what happened:

Me: "It's a bit cold, could you have a look at the thermostat and see what temperature it's on dear?"

Wifey: "It's set to 10 degrees.

Me: "Why on earth is it that low?"

Wifey: "Oh I turned it down yesterday so that the house wasn't too warm at night."

Me: "Duh! The heating is set to switch of at night spacky!"

Wifey: "DID YOU JUST CALL ME FATTY?! I'LL GIVE YOU FATTY YOU *&$£ING WA*%&$ BLAH BLAH BLAH YOU DON'T LOVE ME, YOU'RE THE BIGGEST C*&T I'VE EVER KNOWN BLAH BLAH BLAH BAS&^%D! 8O
So my advice is never ever call your wife a spacky, not only do they suffer from selective deafness but they still go off on one when you finally get to explain what you really said. :(
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#2
I have found, that being polite, gentlemanly and courteous to your wife pays dividends. She has never raised her voice or got angry with me. And she is a good cook.
 

Biped

LE
Book Reviewer
#3
Bullet Sponge said:
Over the weekend I found myself in a rather difficult position. Whilst stood in the kitchen pondering how the big cold thing keeps filling with food, how the thing that makes the food hot works and many other things that confuse us blokes, I called to the wife to let her know that it was a bit cold and could she, as she was in the sitting room, check what temperature the heating was set to. It is at this point that my whole weekend when down hill, the following is a transcript of what happened:

Me: "It's a bit cold, could you have a look at the thermostat and see what temperature it's on dear?"

Wifey: "It's set to 10 degrees.

Me: "Why on earth is it that low?"

Wifey: "Oh I turned it down yesterday so that the house wasn't too warm at night."

Me: "Duh! The heating is set to switch of at night spacky!"

Wifey: "DID YOU JUST CALL ME FATTY?! I'LL GIVE YOU FATTY YOU *&$£ING WA*%&$ BLAH BLAH BLAH YOU DON'T LOVE ME, YOU'RE THE BIGGEST C*&T I'VE EVER KNOWN BLAH BLAH BLAH BAS&^%D! 8O
So my advice is never ever call your wife a spacky, not only do they suffer from selective deafness but they still go off on one when you finally get to explain what you really said. :(
You're not kidding. Last time I spoke to your wife, I called her fatty as I got out of bed. I think I know where the problem stems from.
 
#5
old_fat_and_hairy said:
I have found, that being polite, gentlemanly and courteous to your wife pays dividends. She has never raised her voice or got angry with me. And she is a good cook.
Don't be so sanctimonious and tell us how you really treat that slovenly female you call your wife!
 
#7
sandmanfez said:
You sound like a right pair BS, it must be like "Some Mothers Do Have 'em" in your gaff. Please tell me you don't have any kids.
She's got one on the way, which is why I've been hanging out the back of your Mrs to get my jollies.

Found out your Mrs doesn't like being called fatty either....... :wink:
 
#8
Bullet Sponge said:
sandmanfez said:
You sound like a right pair BS, it must be like "Some Mothers Do Have 'em" in your gaff. Please tell me you don't have any kids.
She's got one on the way, which is why I've been hanging out the back of your Mrs to get my jollies.

Found out your Mrs doesn't like being called fatty either....... :wink:
If I had a wife........which I haven't........anymore, and if she was fat.........which she never was, you'd be welcome to her mate. :)
I hate fatties and have banned them from my house. Who wants some big sweaty lardarse oozing grease onto your sofa.
 
#9
sandmanfez said:
Bullet Sponge said:
sandmanfez said:
You sound like a right pair BS, it must be like "Some Mothers Do Have 'em" in your gaff. Please tell me you don't have any kids.
She's got one on the way, which is why I've been hanging out the back of your Mrs to get my jollies.

Found out your Mrs doesn't like being called fatty either....... :wink:
If I had a wife........which I haven't........anymore, and if she was fat.........which she never was, you'd be welcome to her mate. :)
I hate fatties and have banned them from my house. Who wants some big sweaty lardarse oozing grease onto your sofa.


Thats not grease thats the man fat just dripping out.... :p
 
#11
sandmanfez said:
If I had a wife........which I haven't........anymore, and if she was fat.........which she never was, you'd be welcome to her mate. :)
I hate fatties and have banned them from my house. Who wants some big sweaty lardarse oozing grease onto your sofa.
Me
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#12
Kaye said:
old_fat_and_hairy said:
I have found, that being polite, gentlemanly and courteous to your wife pays dividends. She has never raised her voice or got angry with me. And she is a good cook.
Don't be so sanctimonious and tell us how you really treat that slovenly female you call your wife!
It wasn't mine I was talking about, but his.
 
#13
Bullet Sponge said:
Over the weekend I found myself in a rather difficult position. Whilst stood in the kitchen pondering how the big cold thing keeps filling with food, how the thing that makes the food hot works and many other things that confuse us blokes, I called to the wife to let her know that it was a bit cold and could she, as she was in the sitting room, check what temperature the heating was set to. It is at this point that my whole weekend when down hill, the following is a transcript of what happened:

Me: "It's a bit cold, could you have a look at the thermostat and see what temperature it's on dear?"

Wifey: "It's set to 10 degrees.

Me: "Why on earth is it that low?"

Wifey: "Oh I turned it down yesterday so that the house wasn't too warm at night."

Me: "Duh! The heating is set to switch of at night spacky!"

Wifey: "DID YOU JUST CALL ME FATTY?! I'LL GIVE YOU FATTY YOU *&$£ING WA*%&$ BLAH BLAH BLAH YOU DON'T LOVE ME, YOU'RE THE BIGGEST C*&T I'VE EVER KNOWN BLAH BLAH BLAH BAS&^%D! 8O
So my advice is never ever call your wife a spacky, not only do they suffer from selective deafness but they still go off on one when you finally get to explain what you really said. :(
The only reason she is a bit tubby is all the lads who run a train on it give her a biscuit.

(c) Eddo Brandes
 
#14
I hate fatties and have banned them from my house. Who wants some big sweaty lardarse oozing grease onto your sofa.[/quote]


So you have met my wife??
 
#17
Bullet Sponge said:
...So my advice is never ever call your wife a spacky, not only do they suffer from selective deafness but they still go off on one when you finally get to explain what you really said. :(
So let me get this right... she's a spacky but you can't operate a fridge or cooker :roll:
 
#19
Bullet Sponge said:
Over the weekend I found myself in a rather difficult position. Whilst stood in the kitchen pondering how the big cold thing keeps filling with food, how the thing that makes the food hot works and many other things that confuse us blokes, I called to the wife to let her know that it was a bit cold and could she, as she was in the sitting room, check what temperature the heating was set to. It is at this point that my whole weekend when down hill, the following is a transcript of what happened:

Me: "It's a bit cold, could you have a look at the thermostat and see what temperature it's on dear?"

Wifey: "It's set to 10 degrees.

Me: "Why on earth is it that low?"

Wifey: "Oh I turned it down yesterday so that the house wasn't too warm at night."

Me: "Duh! The heating is set to switch of at night spacky!"

Wifey: "DID YOU JUST CALL ME FATTY?! I'LL GIVE YOU FATTY YOU *&$£ING WA*%&$ BLAH BLAH BLAH YOU DON'T LOVE ME, YOU'RE THE BIGGEST C*&T I'VE EVER KNOWN BLAH BLAH BLAH BAS&^%D! 8O
So my advice is never ever call your wife a spacky, not only do they suffer from selective deafness but they still go off on one when you finally get to explain what you really said. :(
That has just made my day. Typical woman. Mishears the superior species and then launches into a tirade.
 
#20
threaders_vm said:
Biped said:
You're not kidding. Last time I spoke to your wife, I called her fatty as I got out of bed. I think I know where the problem stems from.
Too true. The last time I climbed on top of his wife my ears popped.
The last time you climbed on my wife I was still on top of her, I'm still having therapy...... 8O


And the next time you sneak into my house do try to resist slipping the dog a portion too, if its ring piece gets any slacker it'll become an uncontrollable walking shit dispenser.
 

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