Immediate Action drills

Just remembering the good old days when the IA for an SLR stoppage was Rifle stops firing - mag off - cock the rifle - full mag on - carry on firing.

We had one in the room for vacuum failure -

Hoover hooving normally.
Hoover stops hooving!
Remove hoover bag.
Lift hoover and shake.
Replace hoover bag.
Hoover still does not hoove.
Remove hoover bag.
Kick hoover.
Replace hoover bag.
Hoover still does not hoove.
Walk to mate.
Remove hoover plug from mate.
Replace hoover plug in socket.
Hoover hooves normally.
Carry on hooving.

Wonder what the IA is for a police Taser?

Taser tasing normally
Taser stops...............................................................................
I loved the SLR but the DS tore the pish out of me recently and referred to it as a shotgun!!!

All because I grumbled about all the fiddly twangy bits on the A2 - well its true!!! Too much faffing about compared to the SLR.

He nearly wet his breeks when I placed my upturned beret on the floor and placed the working parts and the jigsaw that is the bolt carrier assembly-firing pin cuddling thing in it!!!

(Stops to draw breath and counts to ten.....)

Yeah the IA drills were pish easy :D

Have to admit though (and it chokes me to do so) the A2 is bliddy accurate - but STILL.....


cameling cameling cameling
camel Stops!
jump off hump off look inside
On looking inside the camel we see there is water in the hump and none in the camel
hump on jump on carry on cameling
cameling cameling cameling
camel Stops!
jump off hump off look inside
etc etc etc.
Very apt Uncle Ho :D

Thank you you've just given me my first laugh of the day - and no, before you ask, looking in the bathroom mirror doesn't count 'cos that's self inflicted.
Missus won't start.

Check tart fuel, sufficient for task?

Check spark?
Spark absent?
New plug.

Still no ignition?
New coil.

No ignition?
Find strip-down video on internet, follow instructions.


Police tazer - just lick the electrodes like any other battery-powered gizzie.
A night on the pop:

Career's going fine.
Career's going fine.

On looking inside the bar you will find-

* A bunch of stinking civvys after a fight

Neck twelfty pints
Ask Civvys if "They want a bit"
Civvy's bottle it

Career carrys on unaffected.

I think we all know the alternative

Do they change depending on location?

Sitting at your new girlfriends parents dinner table on a Sunday afternoon


In the pub with your mates, having a who can shart the longest competition
smartascarrots said:
From the Mull of Kintyre: Helicopter flying, helicopter stops...
Post on arrse.
wait for "someone" to be offended.
Thread deleted.
Post formal apology on aviation forum.

Still funny :twisted:
Take it from me, if you try to enliven a day at work by yelling "Stoppage" and rolling onto the floor with a stapler and a box of staples people will look at you oddly - although they stop nicking your good coffee.
Longinthegums said:
Just remembering the good old days when the IA for an SLR stoppage was Rifle stops firing - mag off - c*** the rifle - full mag on - carry on firing.
Ah now, when I were a lad, the SLR IA was cock, hook and look - but that really was a long time ago. When did it change?

In the hoover drills, I seem to remember 'Hoover hoovers a few more hooves and stops again ... blockage in the pipe or blockage in the body' or some such nonsense.

I also recall a lesson on the use of the bass broom, which commenced with naming of parts, went on, IIRC, through the alert and ready positions and might have dealt with IA and stoppages.

Anyone have any more details?
Got pulled over at Mumbai airport 2 years ago by police, who were interested in various electrical items in my rucksack (autorickshaw spare parts, but that's another story). My unshaven, scruffy hippy backpacker look didn't help, in hindsight.

Police Inspector takes me into a room for an, er, 'interview' acccompanied by a Constable with an SLR. I am struggling to get my explanation across, as they appear to be convinced I am South Staffs Al Qa'eda representative. I can see a night in Mumbai central police station looming, until I utter the immortal lines:

"I used to have one of those"(points at SLR) "Weapon firing weapon stops, cock hook and look!"

Smiles and handshakes all round, and I am allowed to proceed unhindered.

They drew the line at letting me strip it for some reason.
aaah Xerxes, but back 'then', in the good old days,
it was Quality Soldiers with Reasonable Weapons,
NOT Reasonable Soldiers with 'Quality' weapons!!

'nuff said!!!
I always liked the expression "carry out normal safety procedure or precautions"...what were the "abnormal" ones? Lock the weapon in a safe and lower into Marianas trench?

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