I'm turning my kids into tiny squaddies . . . . . . MkII

#1
Rather than bump an old thread I thought a Mark II version was needed for my current ops so a bit of background first.

As some of you who read the “Shed Thread” will know last year I started seeing a rather gorgeous young lady, well not that young actually, better known as the Goddess due to her looks (some would say way above my normal target acquisition but that is another story) and we are now discussing her and her 9 year old son moving in. As further background Albertous Junior (real son) was born in a BMH, christened in a Courts Martial Centre and his schools until about the age of 10 were all behind the wire on various camps in BFG so he has always been a squaddie from tiny squaddie to now serving and he has always been treated as a squaddie at home with extras for failing room inspection, command tasks to be carried out when on school holiday, staging on at night until he fell asleep (then more extras for sleeping on stag) and a general all round education in all things military thanks to Dad. He did not start to walk aged 14months, whatever it was, he started to march.

Back to present day and my predicament. Unlike Albertous Junior, who has done sufficiently well he now has a funny coloured lid and talks navy speak even though he is in the Army (“No I am not going into the galley to make a hot wet, I am going into the kitchen to make a brew” type conversations) the Goddess’ son (lets call him William, because that is his name) is . . . . . . well not to put too fine a word on it . . . . . . . a wimp. A disobedient wimp to boot. In fact no, a disobedient pampered, has someone to do everything for him, wimp!!! Such a great wimp that he could represent Britain and win gold in the Wimp Olympics if there was such a thing.

This wimpiness has been causing concern but came to a head last weekend when with the consent of the Goddess, he started boot camp. Well boot weekends actually as he only stays at my house at the weekends.

His normal trick is to go to bed but wake up during the night because he is “scared” then insist in sleeping in the Goddess’ bed. He is 9 ffs!!! On Saturday evening I had said to him that he had to stay in his bed even if he woke up. If he didn’t but woke us up he could do a 15 minute stag by the patio door every hour on the hour then have remedial PT at 7 in the morning. He obviously thought I was joking so at 2.30am he walks in and wakes us up.

Now in the past the Goddess or his grand parents have threatened him with things but never carry them out. Bad mistake William, as promised I got up and we staged on by the patio door until 3.15. He started wimping about being scared so I showed him there was nothing to be scared of by actually doing the stag outside (it was well timed as I wanted a smoke anyway and don’t smoke inside). At 3.15 he went to bed, his own, and I woke him at 4 for the next stag. Cue lots of moaning but he nevertheless was practically dragged out of bed and to the stag point. Every hour until 7 was the same, wake up 15 mins stag then bed. I had stayed awake all this time reading.

At 7 I woke him with the fine words “Down stairs dressed for some PT, you have 2 minutes, go”. 5 minutes later he comes down stairs. He was promptly sent back up and undressed again into his pyjamas and told he had 2 minutes to be downstairs dressed. It took 7 attempts before he could do it in the 2 minutes. Then we did the PT which was a bit of light circuit training which he actually seemed to enjoy!!! However he has told the Goddess that he does not want to come to my house this weekend for reasons that I cannot fathom???

So the question for my learned fellow Arrsers is, am I being too tough on the wimp? What other anti-wimp training should I be engaging in? And what tales of mini squaddie training for your children do you lot have?
 
#2
Give him the full Deepcut experience, as his instructor you should jump into his bed and force your rough calloused digits into his anus.
Thanks but I would prefer to do that to his mother. :)
 
#3
Both my boys can strip, clean and reassemble my shotguns, name the parts and have good handling techniques. The oldest is a crack shot with the air rifle and his marksmanship principles are pretty decent, getting good groupings. The youngest can clean up his school shoes to a good standard. I don't look at it as turning them into mini squadies (their mum. Would kill me if they wanted to join up), I just see it as good standards for later life.
 
#4
Now in the past the Goddess or his grand parents have threatened him with things but never carry them out.
THAT, my dear chap, is the root of the problem...

The cry in our house was always "That's not a threat, it's a promise"!

... not sure about the early morning PT though - veering a bit towards the S-M for my liking! I don't think he is a wimp, I just think he has adapted well to his surroundings.. A little gentle boundary setting will probably suffice!
 

Auld-Yin

ADC
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#5
Give him the full Deepcut experience, as his instructor you should jump into his bed and force your rough calloused digits into his anus.
VG, there is no need to re-live your own training experiences live on ARRSE.
 
#6
Give him the full Deepcut experience, as his instructor you should jump into his bed and force your rough calloused digits into his anus.
And then fake his suicide if he threatens to bubble you.
 

Auld-Yin

ADC
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#7
Abertous,

Good drills overall but it should not all be stick, you have to offer a carrot now and again so that the 'training' becomes meaningful and worth doing. If it becomes just another chore then you will be building up a negative reaction.

Next time, if there is a next time, and said 'recruit' carries out duties as described then that should be followed up with extra rations or trip to local military museum, or buy him his own kit so that he feels like he 'belongs'.

If all this fails then revert to VG's suggestion.
 

B_AND_T

MIA
Book Reviewer
#8
Are stress positions wrong as a punishment?
 
#9
Abertous,

Good drills overall but it should not all be stick, you have to offer a carrot now and again so that the 'training' becomes meaningful and worth doing. If it becomes just another chore then you will be building up a negative reaction.

Next time, if there is a next time, and said 'recruit' carries out duties as described then that should be followed up with extra rations or trip to local military museum, or buy him his own kit so that he feels like he 'belongs'.

If all this fails then revert to VG's suggestion.
Got that covered, trip to the local Roman museum on Saturday if he is good, then lunch in a pub around the corner called "The Cheshire Yeoman". I'm hoping he will appreciate the name and the early introduction to squaddie off duty activities!
 
#10
However he has told the Goddess that he does not want to come to my house this weekend for reasons that I cannot fathom???
I'll give you and the Goddess another two months together, tops.
 
#12
Got that covered, trip to the local Roman museum on Saturday if he is good, then lunch in a pub around the corner called "The Cheshire Yeoman". I'm hoping he will appreciate the name and the early introduction to squaddie off duty activities!
Albertous, it sounds like you're local to me, if you really want to show him squaddie off duty life then get along to to The Frog for the Italy v Wales game this w/e, the place will be full of Royal Welch from up the road doing their best to bring the roof down.
 
#13
I'll give you and the Goddess another two months together, tops.
She does not mind me getting a grip of him as she knows he is a naughty wimp so no I think we will be together longer. In fact she was talking of sending him to his father in America for the summer so he appreciates what he has more.

In fact that is part of his problem, he is half Spam! On the bright side I have not done any spam bashing for years so perhaps I should up the ante with the training.

Albertous, it sounds like you're local to me, if you really want to show him squaddie off duty life then get along to to The Frog for the Italy v Wales game this w/e, the place will be full of Royal Welch from up the road doing their best to bring the roof down.
I am local to you though I have not been in the Frog for years. Bar Lounge or the Cross Foxes in Irbistock are my preferred watering holes.
 

B_AND_T

MIA
Book Reviewer
#14
Got that covered, trip to the local Roman museum on Saturday if he is good, then lunch in a pub around the corner called "The Cheshire Yeoman". I'm hoping he will appreciate the name and the early introduction to squaddie off duty activities!
See that's where you are going wrong. Lunch in a pub indeed, PAH!!! Lunch is what you and the goddess have. Wimp sits outside with a can of warm coke and a packet of crisps that nobody has ever heard of. Increase the award gradually.
 
#15
Fat_Cav said:
I'll give you and the Goddess another two months together, tops.
That long?
I was being generous. It'll take a few weeks of the stroppy Wimp crying everytime he has to go around Albertous' gaff. Tension and unease around the kids atitude, leading to Mum being defensive. Albertous goes on the counter attack and this introduces anger, distrust and distance between them. She leaves it longer each time between nights over, then she misses the odd weekend as she's 'busy'. Busy with her son more like! Eventually she phones saying they've just drifted apart and they both have different goals in life.

Outcome: Albertous becomes single again. Back to punching at his weight and starts to date The OK-but-a-bit-Flabby.

Seen it all before several times. Never understimate the power of stroppy wimpy kids!!
 
#16
I've got a son-in-law who tries to get his 7 year old son to live the army life despite him never having been in the army. I was, for 27 years and don't get involved. S-i-L thinks it's all glamour, killing people etc as he plays his DS or PS3 or whatever and Call of Duty till all the hours. I've try to tell him that soldiering is 99% boredom and 1% utter fukking terror and that when you get wounded, it kinda hurts but to no avail. Grandson will one day turn round to dad and tell him to ram it, either that or humour him.
 

B_AND_T

MIA
Book Reviewer
#17
I've got a son-in-law who tries to get his 7 year old son to live the army life despite him never having been in the army. I was, for 27 years and don't get involved. S-i-L thinks it's all glamour, killing people etc as he plays his DS or PS3 or whatever and Call of Duty till all the hours. I've try to tell him that soldiering is 99% boredom and 1% utter fukking terror and that when you get wounded, it kinda hurts but to no avail. Grandson will one day turn round to dad and tell him to ram it, either that or humour him.
That's what being married to your daughter has done to me.
 
#18
I was being generous. It'll take a few weeks of the stroppy Wimp crying everytime he has to go around Albertous' gaff. Tension and unease around the kids atitude, leading to Mum being defensive. Albertous goes on the counter attack and this introduces anger, distrust and distance between them. She leaves it longer each time between nights over, then she misses the odd weekend as she's 'busy'. Busy with her son more like! Eventually she phones saying they've just drifted apart and they both have different goals in life.

Outcome: Albertous becomes single again. Back to punching at his weight and starts to date The OK-but-a-bit-Flabby.

Seen it all before several times. Never understimate the power of stroppy wimpy kids!!
This post is so true,she may start off trying to 'involve' you but she will come to resent it because if it was me you would have been out the door already or most certainly a huge arguement.

It starts off with you trying to be a family unit but I too find in most cases its a case of they are MINE and only I am allowed to speak to them like that.:)

I think most mums feel like that and I have two stroppy,wimpy grown up soldiers but will defend them until the end no matter how old.
 

B_AND_T

MIA
Book Reviewer
#19
This post is so true,she may start off trying to 'involve' you but she will come to resent it because if it was me you would have been out the door already or most certainly a huge arguement.

It starts off with you trying to be a family unit but I too find in most cases its a case of they are MINE and only I am allowed to speak to them like that.:)

I think most mums feel like that and I have two stroppy,wimpy grown up soldiers but will defend them until the end no matter how old.
They are not wimpy they are just in touch with their femine side. However do watch out for signs like:

"Mum, can you get me some rollerblades for xmas"

"Mum I can't come over this weekend as I am seeing my partner" instead of "Mum I'm shagging this old slapper on Friday, I'll see you Saturday at some point".

"No thanks mum I don't drink beer anymore can I have a Campari instead?"

Just little things but as I said they are signs.
 
#20
I wish I was that lucky..He brings the slappers home:)I managed to explain the pretty shoes to his daughter by just saying daddy as had a friend home to stay,I wasnt so quick last saturday when she said nanny, Daddy must have 2 friends on spotting the boots by the door!
 

Similar threads

Latest Threads

Top