Im turning my kids into tiny squaddies and im not ashamed

woody

LE
My daughters just joined the cadets Royal Marine cadets at that .Come home to find I am now a pongo 8O .
Fortunatly too small for any gucci clothing and not allowed leathermans till 13 ,but, already I can see the way things are going .Only boots I could find to fit her were timberlands .And I can see myself loseing my head torch etc .
 

pull2eject

Old-Salt
Make sure they get bugged out nice and early in the mornings, with a little bit of training they could have a brew goin and have eaten a whole tin of cheese posessed before the bedford leaves for school. Give them something good inside em by ensuring they are promptly on parade in the mess tent set up in the school playground, generous helpings of range stew will set em up for the rest of the cadre.
remind them before each exam the 7 p's
proper
planning &
preparation
prevents
pi$$
poor
performance
and if they claim they cant manage the 40 mile tab back home from school, tell them "cant means wont and wont means jail"
theres no such thing as an unburst blister :twisted:
 
My youngest has a toy version of the HK MP5K complete with red dot sight. I taught him room entry and SAA with it. I have also taught him drill and whenever I tell him to do something, he snaps smartly to attention, salutes and shouts YES SIR! He then doubles away to carry out the task he has assigned to him.

I have also been known to inspect is room (while he is at school) and trah it cos he had not made his bed correctly.
 
The real problem I'm going to have turning my kids into tiny squaddies is my wife. My Dad was in REME until I was 16, I was all set to join RAF when I was 18 but failed medical (messy story, don't ask!), I still go to cadets as an AI and have a large wardrobe full of greens, DPM, webbing, etc etc.

But my wife...!

As far as she is concerned all current squaddies are Satan's own. She emphases current in order not to upset me or my Dad but I have got to find some way of making her realize that there is nothing wrong with dressing in green and getting dirty.

Any ideas?
 
Dress her in green, make her feel dirty...that ought to be a good starter for ten.
 

kimmi851

Old-Salt
I am turning my daughter into a good dishonorable techie just like I was. Its working too - for her second birthday I got her a toy fighter jet, and within 5 minutes she was taking it apart and the pilot was in the Naughty Spot.

She runs the risk of becoming a DI though - when she was 18 months she was outside Buck Palace yelling "arms, Shaggy Arms" top volume at the guardsman doing lousy drill.
 

Falortah

Swinger
TheLordFlasheart said:
The cover stories came next....Secondary school phoned with a similar discipline matter and were confused why miss Flash claimed to be a 'reccy mech who had got lost from the convoy and didnt know nuffing about no spec ops'.
That was classic! I was in knots with that one haha
 
It would seem that the Swedes share similar sentiments. This is from outside the Royal Palace in Stockholm:

[video=youtube;2ZsbDO8d0pw]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ZsbDO8d0pw&feature=player_embedded[/video]
 

Canader

War Hero
Following the usual warm up on the swings, slides and monkey bars I can often be found dispatching my stick (aged 2 and 4) off the portable bleachers set up on the rugby field next to the kiddies play area. Feet and knees together, side right, release 4 (year old) etc. Then it's run at high speed down the bleacher seats (longitudinally) and leap into space into PJI-Dad's arms whilst screaming 'AIRBORNE!!!' at top of their young lungs.

Luckily, this tends to frighten away those parents and children who tend to linger too long on the premium bits of park aparatus, allowing the stick to warm down on the large digger and space saucer swing at leisure. Mummy doesn't like it when we call the other kiddies 'Craphats' though, so we have to do that when she's not around or it's the high jump for PJI-Dad.
 
No.1 daughter off school this morning for Xray of her dodgy hip, all done, home for lunch then in for school. On the way to school we come across an ol'fella planted face first into the curb after a fall. Huge gash in face, cheek bone exposed, numerous other little cuts, Nose bent right out of shape, blood all over and the other eye already swelling shut. I get him turned over and sat up leaning against my leg as he was trying to get up. Trying to get my phone out while reassuring him and holding him up when No.1 daughter takes phone off me and dials 999 while going to nearest house and demanding a "Clean towel" from the old dear inside. As the woman went to go back in the house No.1 daughter tells her to "Move smartly now". (I will admit to telling the kids to move smartly all the time and I got the habit from my Dad)
Comes back over and starts talking to the ol'fella "Whats your name?" "what happened?" passing all the info to Ambulance control like a pro. I actually just stood there supporting him and keeping the wound covered watching as she took charge and she even moved on some old girls by asking them if they would liked to be stared at if it was them bleeding.
She even asked the paramedic if he could move faster as he was bimbling over. Quote of the day "Take your time, Its ok not like anyones bleeding is it" Then she picked up all the packaging from Bandages he was chucking all over and placed it in a bin.
After he was passed over to the paramedic and going in the ambulance I took her to school and she came out with "Would'nt kill him to miss a few meals and do some exercise" just within earshot of said lardarse medic.

He gave her proper daggers.

1st aid with the Brownies last year before she got bored with the brownies and it looks like she was paying attention.

One proud as punch Dad.


Edited for biff speeelung

Also edited to add: I honestly think she would have handled it with out me there.
 
If she is only 8 years old, then well done to both of you. However, if she is 28 years old, then we really need a photo to assess her organisational merits.
 
If she is only 8 years old, then well done to both of you. However, if she is 28 years old, then we really need a photo to assess her organisational merits.
Definetly 8 mate, but with the attitude of this guy normally:

[video=youtube;Rsj98uNsIBQ]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rsj98uNsIBQ[/video]

After todays effort she's getting a big present at the weekend.
 

Mr_Fingerz

LE
Book Reviewer
Dont know where I went wrong with my young un. I taught him drill and weapons when I was on my instructors course. Taught him take-downs and holds when I did unarmed combat courses (Believe it or not to this day he can still get out of a goose-neck even though his thumb practically touches his elbow). taught him squaddy camping, how to select a decent pair of boots,how to iron his kit...mind you he did object to the creases down the front of his jeans as he got older!
And what does he do? Only runs off to college to become an electrician Oh the shame
AJ
He's just delaying the day that he signs up for the RE.
 

Trollox

Swinger
my daughter came home last night with her first boyfriend. I asked to see her permission slip to allow her to have male companions on camp.
she stuttered and came out with a lame excuse something about mum something. so I double both the feckers to the guard shed. where i locked her up for not complting with standing orders and i made him polish the brass hinges and locks on the shed till his fingers bled.
i havent seen him or any more boyfriends since, but thats because she was charged for sad offence and was awarded 128 days soldier on.
 
my daughter came home last night with her first boyfriend. I asked to see her permission slip to allow her to have male companions on camp.
she stuttered and came out with a lame excuse something about mum something. so I double both the feckers to the guard shed. where i locked her up for not complting with standing orders and i made him polish the brass hinges and locks on the shed till his fingers bled.
i havent seen him or any more boyfriends since, but thats because she was charged for sad offence and was awarded 128 days soldier on.
Are you typing with your head?
 
Trollox? Bollox more like.
 
OK, Holy Thread Revival, but:

The four-year-old MasterPlume is coming on nicely in terms of enjoying things like Cavalry Sunday and the changing of the Queen's Life Guard. Bonus Squaddy points for him as his favourite bit of the latter was one of the nags having a huge crap.

However I had a real "Ye Gods!" moment this afternoon. I'd brought him home from swimming & gave him a bath to rinse off the chlorine & council-estate children's wee & popped him in his bathrobe to dry off while I made some lunch. All went terribly quiet until I heard a cry of, "Daddy! Look at me!"

Such cries are not unusual as he's rather proud of his achievements, so I stuck a fatherly head around the kitchen door to see what was going on. There stood MasterPlume who had shed his robe & was waving his infant parts at me. Tucked securely into his foreskin was a AAA battery with the bronze top outermost.

I simply didn't know whether to laugh or cry. What I will be doing is hiding the jar of coppers I keep lest he start an attempt to outdo Trooper "Donkey Dick" D***e of the Skins in hiding enough pfennigs in there to fund the purchase of a round at the Squadron bar...
 
I'm a young 'un, but for you older ones should get this.
My surname begins with R, so when I have kids, I'm going to name it 'Stuart Lee' or 'Sarah Lee', to get SLR as their intials. My family has a history of military service, and they'd be proud of me for honouring the venerated SLR
 

jarrod248

LE
Gallery Guru
I'm a young 'un, but for you older ones should get this.
My surname begins with R, so when I have kids, I'm going to name it 'Stuart Lee' or 'Sarah Lee', to get SLR as their intials. My family has a history of military service, and they'd be proud of me for honouring the venerated SLR
Don't mess up this thread you virgin.
 
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