I'm stumped

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by vampireuk, May 31, 2011.

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  1. I'm a little stuck for ideas gents, first of all I will raise my hand and admit to being stupid enough to buy an iPhone, never again. After finally having enough of it doing it's own thing rather than what I wanted it to do tonight I did the only reasonable thing and threw it at a high rate of knots towards a wall. Now the damn thing is still working somewhat, the screen is completely cracked but it seems to think it has the right to continue to exist. How can I put this cunting thing out of it's misery.... in the most entertaining manner possible.
  2. A litre of 4* will make a spectacular end to its sad miserable life, and prevent it from doing its own thing again, and you get the added benefit of being able to warm your hands while it shrivels and melts in the flames.
  3. I've owned three iPhones & never had one do it's own thing (well, apart from when I've touched it with wet hands/gotten it wet).

    Reference the entertaining method of dispatch - put it in a fire (outside). Stand well back & watch it explode when the battery gets hot.

    Or you could blend it ;)

    edit: Beaten to it!
  4. Dip in dog food and allow the dog to turn it into a chew stick.
  5. Grumblegrunt

    Grumblegrunt LE Book Reviewer

    drive over it and claim on the insurance then request something which works.

    fashion victim!
  6. Microwave, mate, you cannae go wrong with the microwave.

    Oh - be prepared to buy a new microwave.
  7. Get a Nokia 3310. Makes calls, receives calls. Just like a real telephone. Incredible.
    • Like Like x 1
  8. Shove it up my dog's arrse. There's a pink slipper up there already so I don't think he will notice.

    The little fuck.
  9. I'll see your pink slipper slug and raise you a brand new kitchen shared between 2 sweet little darlings so an I Phone should make a nice desert to them.
  10. Black nasty it to a Fig 12 on your next range day
  11. Auld-Yin

    Auld-Yin LE Reviewer Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    then call customer service and withdraw to the firing point!
  12. and then tell the star that it saved your life then sell on all the apple products you get sent
    • Like Like x 1
  13. I've almost seen this, was on a grouping and zeroing range. Had got everybody through quite quickly but was told to keep going while the OC was cutting about and while we still had a mountain of ammo to eat through.

    We started by just going through the shoot again with the added bet of tightest group winning...then it went down hill as the steaks went up and two lads got particularly competitive. Not just happy with "a quid in for the tightest group", the challenge was laid down for a single shot from the squatting unsupported position at each others phones.

    By this time I am getting visions of bits of iPhone flying in all directions across the range.

    Thankfully they didn't call each others bluff and the phones never made it to the butts.
  14. Well this is the naafi so i apologise for the sensible answer but dont fuck it up in any stupid way. claim on the insurance, ideally phone insurance but if not then house insurance and voilla either £400 or a brand new phone that if you dont use you can sell for £300+. Sensible bit over. Now then with said £300 you can buy a sensible bit of kit for clearing heavy undergrowth from the bottom of your garden to make more shed space....


    and yes ive checked. he comes with it.
  15. Strap a shitload of the biggest, baddest, bastarding fireworks you can get your hands on to the fucking thing and launch it into orbit.

    After the bang get inside, if it isn't windy all the little bits come down like molten plastic hailstones. It is satisfying though :)