Im not good at jokes but...

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by Ambermoon, Jan 12, 2006.

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  1. A bloke goes into a shop and asks for john the bloke who works there says sorry johns gone to wolverhampton to get us some cotton but he will be in tomorrow.

    The bloke says ok ill come back tomorrow ... comes back and askes to see john again the other bloke says sorry u just missed him hes gone to bristol to get us some more cotton but come back friday he will be in then.

    So the bloke comes back friday and the chap says sorry hes gone to london to get us more cotton but he works overtime tomorrow come in then.

    He goes and comes back again and the bloke says ur looking for john? Well u wont believe me hes gone up the road to get us more cotton but he will be in monday so come back then, the bloke says no i dont believe u but ok ill come back monday

    so the bloke comes back and askes for john and the worker said on u havent heard johns dead!

    In shock the bloke says oh no id better go pay my respects, then the bloke says well they already buried him his grave and slab are across the road so the bloke goes and looks and its says........

    John Gone but not forcotton.......
  2. You're right. You're not good at jokes.
  3. cheers for knocking a girl down
  4. And your spelling and punctuation isn't that hot either.
  5. hey just cos im new :(
  6. A bloke walks into a pet shop and says to the assistant
    "Could I have a wasp please?"
    "Sorry, Sir. But we don't sell wasps."
    "But you've got one in the window."
  7. i dont want any jokes i just thought it was funny so put it on here :( even if i made one person laugh i would have done something on here
  8. Laddism Studies
    GCE `A' Level Examination Paper


    Time allowed 3 hrs.

    Attempt all questions.

    If you do not know the answer to a particular question attempt to look at someone else's paper by knocking your biro onto the floor and having a shufty while you lean over to retrieve it.

    You are allowed one visit to the toilet to look at the answers you wrote on the wall yesterday.

    After one hour, request more paper to frighten the other candidates into thinking that you must have written loads.

    Attempt to introduce the one or two facts you are reasonably sure of into the answers to every question.

    At 4.30 exactly, everybody cough to make the invigilator jump.

    Male candidates: Try to avoid becoming distracted by mentally undressing the female candidate in front of you, and wondering whether she likes it from behind.

    Section A (50%)

    1. Explain why the best women's football team in the world wouldn't stand a chance against you and ten of your mates. Include in your answer:
    a) Why they are unable to kick a ball straight
    b) what you'd do with them in the baths afterwards

    2. Pamela Anderson's tits are plastic but look good in photographs. Compare and contrast the relative merits of plastic and real tits for recreational purposes.

    3. It is a long established fact that fat lasses are more grateful for it. Outline some of the reasons why this is so and explain why all feminists are fat, ugly lesbians.

    4. Write a critique of any ONE of the following films you have watched at your mate's house while his parents were away for the weekend.
    a) Sex Boat
    b) Three Into One Will Go
    c) King Dong
    d) Speared by Zulu Lovers
    e) Swedish Erotica Part VI

    5. Women drivers, eh?

    Section B (50%)

    1. Describe an experiment to impress a girl by lighting a fart.
    What apparatus would you require?
    What risks would you run in lighting a fart and what are the benefits?

    2. Name something a woman has invented.

    3. On average, women live 7 years longer than men yet get their pension 5 years earlier. Explain why this isn't fair, making reference to your lazy old granny who lived to be 100 and your poor grandpa who worked 52 years down the pit and died the day before he retired.

    4. Argue heatedly over the respective merits of the Lamborghini Diablo and the Ferrari F355 without ever having seen, let alone driven, either.

  9. i smiled

  10. thank you oh_bug.ger :)
  11. Don't worry Ambermoon, it made me laugh, probably for all the wrong reasons, but I laughed none the less :wink:
  12. RTFQ


    It didn't make anyone laugh, so you've done nothing on here but post a sh1t joke. Someone will still shag you though, that's the best thing about Faceparty, er - I mean Arrse.
  13. If it helps, I didnt exactly pish myself, but I did smile.

    I like crap jokes

    Whats orange and sounds like a parrot?

    A carrot

  14. Now you're up to two!