Im not alcoholic but I do like a good drink....

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by TheBigUn, Oct 29, 2008.

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  1. terroratthepicnic

    terroratthepicnic LE Reviewer Book Reviewer
    1. ARRSE Runners

    I like to enjoy lots of good drinks in one sitting. This means I get to endure 1 hangover instead of meny. Which seems sensible to me.
  2. I don't drink every day but when I do have a drink it is a lot!

    The joy of being drunk is you know what you're going to do, you just can't stop yourself!
  3. Basically, know your limitations. To my mind, a good drink should be accompanied by a good meal. To paraphrase Sherriff Bart, "A man drink like that and don't eat....he is going to die".
  4. Perhaps, according to the Drinks Police we have always drunk too much. I bet no-one told Henry V111 that he had a drop too much. Lord, save me from 'do gooders'. These days in England you need a drink.
  5. You see, smoking has to be stopped because it is no longer financially viable for a government, but the jury is still out on drinking.
    Let me explain, in the old days, the number of smokers paying tax on their cigarettes eclipsed that of the NHS burden thereafter. As smoking decreased, and hospital care became longer and more expensive, there came a point on the graph where the two lines met and from that day forth smoking had to be stamped out.

    Drinking is a vastly more difficult calculation as you have to take into account hospital care, police, ambulances, advertising budgets, pub hours and staffing, and duty lawyers. On the plus side you get massive profits, tax from employees, fast food, even taxis and public transport.

    Difficult to know what will happen
  6. How much money do the brewers put into Zanu NL's coffers?
  7. Alsacien

    Alsacien LE Moderator


    1 x big glass of red wine a day is beneficial to your health. Credit = +1

    More is bad apparently, so....

    Second big glass of red wine a day is not good so minus 1. Credit = 0

    Third big glass of red wine a day is not good so minus another 1. Credit = -1

    Credit = -1 is the same as having a pint of beer that was always going to be bad.

    Why is this wine bottle empty again :?
  8. Ive been in trouble lately with the drinks Fuhrer. Of late, she has reminded me that my drinking is getting out of hand, openly letching at people when they come around the house for food and drink, making lewd comments about peoples breasts, dancing by myself, head banging to the point where I was off work the next day because Id strained my back and neck, sleeping half in the front door and half out the front door because I was too pished to get all the way in etc etc etc

    The thing is, I see this as all perfectly normal and its everyone else at fault - am I an alcoholic or just a pish head?
  9. No its not normal - unless its only womnens breasts. :D
  10. This is evidence that you not only found your keys, but were sober enough to unlock the front door AND turn the handle. You poof.
  11. I also like a good drink and for logical reasons.

    A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

    Where's the flaw in that?
  12. For God's sake Mrs Hammy, perfectly normal behaviour. Lighten up and take him upstairs for a special BJ
  13. Won't be long now before alcohol is banned.

    Go back a couple of years and read the reports about smoking.

    You could take this report from the national guesswork office and change the word drinking to smoking and alcohol to nicotine and you would have exactly the same report.
    See what I mean?

    Of course it will all be for our own good.
  14. Alsacien

    Alsacien LE Moderator

    On my scale you qualify as a pish head - dancing FFS, I only have one more pished level between that indicator and coma - thinking I can dance well :D