Im going straight to Hell because...

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by DozyBint, Apr 8, 2005.

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  1. ...the Pope's funeral is now on & I'm watching with a morbid fascination just in case one of the 12 pall bearers trips. :twisted:

    Anyone else planning on taking up residence in the Hot Place after death, and if so why?
  2. If I was placed on sentry duty I would have sat him up, placed his hampton in his hand and sellotaped a great big cheesy smile on his face
  3. ... I KNOW those Swiss Guards are not as pure as they look.......
  4. One of them tried to get a toblerone up your hoop? :D
  5. OldSnowy

    OldSnowy LE Moderator Book Reviewer

    At least they were good Cam - at least for hiding in a dodgy Disco :D
  6. Going to Hell?

    Been there, done that, got the T-Shirt. Kicked out for being rowdy.
    Lucifer is getting boring in his old age.
    Travel Tips: Take warm kit because Lucifer is a Pikey cnut and doesnt want to stump up for the heating bill :evil:

  7. Im going straight to hell because......

    not too long ago i was walking through my local shopping centre and noticed that an old lady with a severe crook back was walking straight towards the very clean shop front window and missing the door completely, i had time to warn her but instead stood there like an animal in headlights, because of her crook back her face took the full brunt of the impact and all i could do was laugh my tits off. :lol: :?
  8. Oh there are so many reasons!!, my favourite one though has to be this......
    My son was not much older than 13 months or so and had grown into somewhat of a housewrecking, dog abusing, spawn of satan.
    After a particularly bad day for the house and the wallet i was down a mirror, shelf, stair gate and a flatbed scanner. To cheer myself up i asked a few mates round to get merry before heading off out. Better half and his friend had the human wrecking ball in the living room watching footie whilst all us girlies congregated like witches in the kitchen with too many bottles of wine.
    After 3/4 glasses of vino and 8 women all chuntering on in the kitchen it started to get rather warm so i decided to open the window. Our kitchen window is quite high up and trying to reach it meant having to climb up onto worktop and get back down whilst trying to retain ones dignity whilst wearing a skirt too short to be legal and a pair of heels.
    I know i thought, i will use the recess of the washing machine door as a step, clever me eh?. No, apparently not. I had mistakenly not closed the door properly and as a stood on it the bloody thing came off with a rather loud noise. We stood there mouthing oh my god hoping better half didnt hear it. No big deal your thinking?, well it wouldnt have been normally, only this particular machine was only a few months old, and if that was not bad enough, it was a brand spankers new Dyson machine. It was my pride and joy. I was shittting myself, i knew better half would ground me on the spot so i had some quick thinking to do, i marched into the living room swore blind at the kid went mental at better half, he got it from his side of the family etc etc etc. Suprisingly the little buggger didnt bat an eyelid,. Warranty fixed the door on account of the human wrecking ball swining on it, i had a blinding night very drunk, better halves footie team won and kid got squared away with shitt loads of chocolate the next day. My carma?, he fed one of my shoes to the dog, switched on little fooker eh?..
  9. T-shirt? i got a bumper sticker and a stamp in my passport.

    BTW, Hell is a small village in Norway not far from Trondheim.
  10. Well I was hoping when he dies another one would pope up!
  11. You're boring?
  12. I don't believe in god, so I can't say I'm going to hell. Since I'm an atheist and their aint no god, I could care less where in the hell I go...
  13. I'll go to a very bad place, cause i'm a very bad girl :twisted:
  14. I sang this in a respectful manner today while watching. Please join me in singing...............................................

    ALL TOGETHER NOW 1 2 3....................

    Here am I a Loyal Orangeman,
    Just come across the sea,
    For singing and for dancing,
    I hope that I'll please thee,
    I can sing and dance with any man,
    As I did in days of yore,
    And on the Twelfth I long to wear,
    The Sash My Father Wore

    I'ts old but it is beautiful,
    It's colours they are fine,
    It was worn at 'Derry, Aughrim, Enniskillen,
    And the Boyne,
    My father wore it as a youth,
    In byegone days of yore,
    So on the Twelfth I proudly wear,
    The Sash My Father Wore.

    It's now I'm going to leave you,
    Good luck to you I say,
    And when I'm on the ocean,
    For me I hope you'll pray,
    I'm going to my native home,
    To a place they call Dromore,
    Where on the Twelfth I always were,
    The Sash My Father wore.


    Whenever I come back again,
    My Brethren here to see,
    I hope in fine oul' Orange style,
    They'll always welcome me,
    My favourite tune 'Boyne Water',
    Will please me more and more,
    And make my Orange heart feel glad,
    With the Sash My Father Wore.

  15. and exactly how long were involved in the irish struggles ducky? :wink: