Im going straight to Hell because...

#1
...the Pope's funeral is now on & I'm watching with a morbid fascination just in case one of the 12 pall bearers trips. :twisted:

Anyone else planning on taking up residence in the Hot Place after death, and if so why?
 
#2
If I was placed on sentry duty I would have sat him up, placed his hampton in his hand and sellotaped a great big cheesy smile on his face
 
#4
Forces_Sweetheart said:
... I KNOW those Swiss Guards are not as pure as they look.......
One of them tried to get a toblerone up your hoop? :D
 
#6
Going to Hell?

Been there, done that, got the T-Shirt. Kicked out for being rowdy.
Lucifer is getting boring in his old age.
Travel Tips: Take warm kit because Lucifer is a Pikey cnut and doesnt want to stump up for the heating bill :evil:

SK
 
#7
Im going straight to hell because......

not too long ago i was walking through my local shopping centre and noticed that an old lady with a severe crook back was walking straight towards the very clean shop front window and missing the door completely, i had time to warn her but instead stood there like an animal in headlights, because of her crook back her face took the full brunt of the impact and all i could do was laugh my tits off. :lol: :?
 
#8
Oh there are so many reasons!!, my favourite one though has to be this......
My son was not much older than 13 months or so and had grown into somewhat of a housewrecking, dog abusing, spawn of satan.
After a particularly bad day for the house and the wallet i was down a mirror, shelf, stair gate and a flatbed scanner. To cheer myself up i asked a few mates round to get merry before heading off out. Better half and his friend had the human wrecking ball in the living room watching footie whilst all us girlies congregated like witches in the kitchen with too many bottles of wine.
After 3/4 glasses of vino and 8 women all chuntering on in the kitchen it started to get rather warm so i decided to open the window. Our kitchen window is quite high up and trying to reach it meant having to climb up onto worktop and get back down whilst trying to retain ones dignity whilst wearing a skirt too short to be legal and a pair of heels.
I know i thought, i will use the recess of the washing machine door as a step, clever me eh?. No, apparently not. I had mistakenly not closed the door properly and as a stood on it the bloody thing came off with a rather loud noise. We stood there mouthing oh my god hoping better half didnt hear it. No big deal your thinking?, well it wouldnt have been normally, only this particular machine was only a few months old, and if that was not bad enough, it was a brand spankers new Dyson machine. It was my pride and joy. I was shittting myself, i knew better half would ground me on the spot so i had some quick thinking to do, i marched into the living room swore blind at the kid went mental at better half, he got it from his side of the family etc etc etc. Suprisingly the little buggger didnt bat an eyelid,. Warranty fixed the door on account of the human wrecking ball swining on it, i had a blinding night very drunk, better halves footie team won and kid got squared away with shitt loads of chocolate the next day. My carma?, he fed one of my shoes to the dog, switched on little fooker eh?..
 
#10
Well I was hoping when he dies another one would pope up!
 
#12
I don't believe in god, so I can't say I'm going to hell. Since I'm an atheist and their aint no god, I could care less where in the hell I go...
 
#13
I'll go to a very bad place, cause i'm a very bad girl :twisted:
 
#14
I sang this in a respectful manner today while watching. Please join me in singing...............................................

ALL TOGETHER NOW 1 2 3....................

VERSE ONE
Here am I a Loyal Orangeman,
Just come across the sea,
For singing and for dancing,
I hope that I'll please thee,
I can sing and dance with any man,
As I did in days of yore,
And on the Twelfth I long to wear,
The Sash My Father Wore


CHORUS
I'ts old but it is beautiful,
It's colours they are fine,
It was worn at 'Derry, Aughrim, Enniskillen,
And the Boyne,
My father wore it as a youth,
In byegone days of yore,
So on the Twelfth I proudly wear,
The Sash My Father Wore.


VERSE TWO
It's now I'm going to leave you,
Good luck to you I say,
And when I'm on the ocean,
For me I hope you'll pray,
I'm going to my native home,
To a place they call Dromore,
Where on the Twelfth I always were,
The Sash My Father wore.


CHORUS

VERSE THREE
Whenever I come back again,
My Brethren here to see,
I hope in fine oul' Orange style,
They'll always welcome me,
My favourite tune 'Boyne Water',
Will please me more and more,
And make my Orange heart feel glad,
With the Sash My Father Wore.


CHORUS
 
#16
Ah, I see the Mr Benn impersonators are out in force, Duck....daft as a bunch of bog brushes.
(You'd have at least hoped the Shop Keeper would have told him he looked a bit of a penis before he stepped in front of the mirror).






And why did they plant the Pope in an MFO box? I was half expecting to see '24654321 Cpl Fcukdust, MT, 123 Mess Tin Repair Sqn, Minden' written on the side of it.
 
#17
The Lord Flasheart said:
Ah, I see the Mr Benn impersonators are out in force, Duck....daft as a bunch of bog brushes.
(You'd have at least hoped the Shop Keeper would have told him he looked a bit of a penis before he stepped in front of the mirror).






And why did they plant the Pope in an MFO box? I was half expecting to see '24654321 Cpl Fcukdust, MT, 123 Mess Tin Repair Sqn, Minden' written on the side of it.
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
 
#18
Watching all those left footed priests in Rome today, I wouldn’t have liked to have been a small boy wandering around in St Peters square. I hear the world cases of kiddly fiddling went to zero though.

Hang on; if Jacko gets off, I know his next job. He is perfectly qualified. White, shuns sex with women, believes in god (himself) and is a bit partial to fumbling the choir boys.

Waiting for the white smoke above the Vatican...shamone!!




(I am disappointed that none of our rat catching brethren hasn’t shown displease in our comments as some did on the mong thread. I thought religion was supposed to have started most wars, not prodding retards with sticks?).
 
#19
Rat catching..........................PMSL

Surprised no one has been threatened with Excommunication, burning at the stake or having the Spanish Inquisition sent after us - yet.

:D :wink:
 
#20
I should hope not Duck. After all the RC Church is a religion for this century. (If your century happens to be the 16th).
Catholicism; great to keep the peasants in order and ensure you have enough of 'em to work your land.
And we think Islam is a backward way of thinking?? :roll:

(Cant wait to take a trip 'downstairs'. Me and Bub can compare notes...)
 

Latest Threads

Top