Im getting married.

today! :D

A couple of pre H-Hr nerves starting!

Two up, bags of smoke and up the middle it is then!

you'll be ok.

Grab some tippex and and write HE on the sole of the Left shoe and LP on the sole of the Right.
Should get a laugh from the congregation.

At the wedding reception, when it comes to your speech; Look around the room and say, "i'd like to thank the most important people for attending.......the Bar Staff!"

Cue giggles or raucous laughter... or may be not.

Then make some drunken off hand rude comment about your Mother-in-Law.

Then see how the rest of the evening pans out.

I think you only need to wait 30 odd days for the insurance claim anyway
Are you sure you've made the right decision. :D

I remember when me uncle Sean got married. He was 62 and his bride-to-be was 25. His best man asked him if he'd really thought it through.
"See Sean," he said, "you're 62 now and she's 25. In ten years you'll be 72 and she'll be 35. Ten years further on and you'll be 82 and she'll be 45, and sure what would you be wanting with an old hag loik dat?"

Enjoy, mucker. All the very best. And bring out a toast to all us ARRSErs.

If it's too late to run away, best of luck!
Game over man, game over.
The first two topics in the NAAFI:

I'm getting married

followed by

Thats what I call an atrocity 1

I had to check to see if they were connected.

Good Luck anyway, it'll never last :wink:


Book Reviewer
Why are you getting married? Don't you fancy any more blow jobs!
Get your passport, empty all bank accounts, sell the car, computer, her jewellery etc and run, run for your single life. Give us updates on where in the world you have reached. When all goes silent then we shall assume she caught you, then wel'll start the RIP/grief fest/outrage thread.
Good luck.

Just make sure during the day/night you say a few words to everyone who attends.
Unfortunately I didn't, I spent the majority of the evening party, stood outside smoking & drinking, talking to the same half a dozen people. Mind you, saying that, they were the most interesting people at my wedding & I had a top night. :D

But as this is the NAAFI,

Listen to your fears !!

Skinny has nearly had me twice, once when I was mangled and laid out on a sun drenched foreign shore where she excitedly informed me you could get a quickie marriage that day and once when we were watching her fat cousin marry an elf in a castle in Cheshire, Im running out of road though but I aint giving in, listen to your fear !!
box-of-frogs said:
Two up, bags of smoke and up the middle it is then!

Save it for the honeymoon, mate :D

Congrats. I'm a virulent misogynist but being married has made me very happy. I guess you just have to find the right lady.
Got married last week - an amazing day, loved it.

But then my mate came up to me and whispered in my ear " you're married you might as well cut your c*ck off and throw it in the fire!"
Oh Dear! :roll:

Say goodbye to: Frequant sex, freedom, bezza's the wife hates and the ability to leg it without consulting a solicitor

Say Hello to: The In-laws (Officially), hiding the wedding ring on nights out, anniversaries (all of them) and sharing EVERYTHING 8O

Good luck anyway :D
Just remember - what happens today will sum up how it's going to be for the rest of your married life:

You walk down the aisle

You stand before the altar

You sign a hymn.

And that's how it'll be from now on: "aisle altar hymn"

Best of luck, anyway.
Pop smoke and leg it mate, don't let her nail you down

Seriously though, getting married to my wife (as opposed to someone else's!) was the best thing that could happen to me. Nearly 10 years on and every day is fantastic.

The fact that I've been working out in the stan'pit for the past fourteen months (9 weeks on 3 weeks off) only makes the time we spend together that much better.


Good luck, enjoy the day and make sure all your mates cop off with all the single ladies. That way everyone will think it was an excellent day regardless of the outcome.
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