Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by box-of-frogs, Jun 5, 2009.
The heart of the site is the forum area, including:
A couple of pre H-Hr nerves starting!
Two up, bags of smoke and up the middle it is then!
you'll be ok.
Grab some tippex and and write HE on the sole of the Left shoe and LP on the sole of the Right.
Should get a laugh from the congregation.
At the wedding reception, when it comes to your speech; Look around the room and say, "i'd like to thank the most important people for attending.......the Bar Staff!"
Cue giggles or raucous laughter... or may be not.
Then make some drunken off hand rude comment about your Mother-in-Law.
Then see how the rest of the evening pans out.
I think you only need to wait 30 odd days for the insurance claim anyway
Are you sure you've made the right decision.
I remember when me uncle Sean got married. He was 62 and his bride-to-be was 25. His best man asked him if he'd really thought it through.
"See Sean," he said, "you're 62 now and she's 25. In ten years you'll be 72 and she'll be 35. Ten years further on and you'll be 82 and she'll be 45, and sure what would you be wanting with an old hag loik dat?"
Enjoy, mucker. All the very best. And bring out a toast to all us ARRSErs.
If it's too late to run away, best of luck!
Game over man, game over.
The first two topics in the NAAFI:
I'm getting married
Thats what I call an atrocity 1
I had to check to see if they were connected.
Good Luck anyway, it'll never last
Good luck...don't forget from here on out..."Yes Dear" Repeat "Yes Dear".
Why are you getting married? Don't you fancy any more blow jobs!
Get your passport, empty all bank accounts, sell the car, computer, her jewellery etc and run, run for your single life. Give us updates on where in the world you have reached. When all goes silent then we shall assume she caught you, then wel'll start the RIP/grief fest/outrage thread.
Just make sure during the day/night you say a few words to everyone who attends.
Unfortunately I didn't, I spent the majority of the evening party, stood outside smoking & drinking, talking to the same half a dozen people. Mind you, saying that, they were the most interesting people at my wedding & I had a top night.
But as this is the NAAFI,
Listen to your fears !!
Skinny has nearly had me twice, once when I was mangled and laid out on a sun drenched foreign shore where she excitedly informed me you could get a quickie marriage that day and once when we were watching her fat cousin marry an elf in a castle in Cheshire, Im running out of road though but I aint giving in, listen to your fear !!
Save it for the honeymoon, mate
Congrats. I'm a virulent misogynist but being married has made me very happy. I guess you just have to find the right lady.
Got married last week - an amazing day, loved it.
But then my mate came up to me and whispered in my ear "Right....now you're married you might as well cut your c*ck off and throw it in the fire!"
Say goodbye to: Frequant sex, freedom, bezza's the wife hates and the ability to leg it without consulting a solicitor
Say Hello to: The In-laws (Officially), hiding the wedding ring on nights out, anniversaries (all of them) and sharing EVERYTHING
Good luck anyway
Separate names with a comma.