Im fed up with internet porn........

#1
Right,the wife has gone to see her sister.She'll be gone all night.
Apart from the pub and porn what else can I do? Casual sex with a stranger is a non starter.............
 
#2
You could try text sex with MDN.
 
#3
If your fed up with internet porn your not looking hard enough (fnarr fnarr) do you have a webcam? try masturbating for complete strangers and see if you can get kicks that way
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#4
Wasn't it Ben Johnson who said 'When a man is bored with internet porn, he is bored with life'?
 
#5
How about grabbing the roofies, van and black nasty and heading out for a night on the town
 
#6
find your local dogging site and smash one out watching guys bang some 45 year old tramp. if you can get it on your phone and send it to me thats even better. i have nothing to do tonight.
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#8
Miner said:
vvaannmmaann said:
Casual sex with a stranger is a non starter.............
Make friends with them first then.
:roll:
Make it a more formal sort of sex. Wear a suit and shirt with tie. Or mess dress.
 
#13
vvaannmmaann said:
Right,the wife has gone to see her sister.She'll be gone all night.
Apart from the pub and porn what else can I do? Casual sex with a stranger is a non starter.............
Casual sex with a strange object

Send taxis to mates house for an urgent airport run at daft O'clock

Cut out all the 'free-post order now - pay later' coupons from the weekends post/papers and fill them out for one person

Close/divert a street/main road

Fill up a massive trolley load of junk in your local supermarket let it all get tallied make sure there are a load of paracetamol, ibuprofen, aspirin and various other drugs left til last - when they say you can only have a maximum of 3 packs; say sod it - I'll go somewhere else and leave them to put it all back

Go shopping solely from other peoples baskets/trolleys - also move them around while you're there - works great if there are kids in the trolleys

Go to a cinema and shout FIRE!

See how many marbles you can shove up your arrse before your missus gets back

Do your own tattoo

Phone the Samaritans

Plant some canabis in the local police stations gardens

I'll try and think of some more ideas for you. :)
 
#14
CC_TA said:
vvaannmmaann said:
Right,the wife has gone to see her sister.She'll be gone all night.
Apart from the pub and porn what else can I do? Casual sex with a stranger is a non starter.............
Close/divert a street/main road

Fill up a massive trolley load of junk in your local supermarket let it all get tallied make sure there are a load of paracetamol, ibuprofen, aspirin and various other drugs left til last - when they say you can only have a maximum of 3 packs; say sod it - I'll go somewhere else and leave them to put it all back

See how many marbles you can shove up your arrse before your missus gets back

Plant some canabis in the local police stations gardens
Ha! That made me chuckle!!
 

Alsacien

MIA
Moderator
#15
vvaannmmaann said:
Right,the wife has gone to see her sister.She'll be gone all night.
Apart from the pub and porn what else can I do? Casual sex with a stranger is a non starter.............
That what she told you?
I suggest following her......
 
#16
ferme_ta_gueule_toi said:
CC_TA said:
vvaannmmaann said:
Right,the wife has gone to see her sister.She'll be gone all night.
Apart from the pub and porn what else can I do? Casual sex with a stranger is a non starter.............
Close/divert a street/main road

Fill up a massive trolley load of junk in your local supermarket let it all get tallied make sure there are a load of paracetamol, ibuprofen, aspirin and various other drugs left til last - when they say you can only have a maximum of 3 packs; say sod it - I'll go somewhere else and leave them to put it all back

See how many marbles you can shove up your arrse before your missus gets back

Plant some canabis in the local police stations gardens
Ha! That made me chuckle!!
Was a few strange looking weeds under the Police Station sign at our local shop a few years ago - many a great coment such as; What? - I can't use it, yet you can grow it at the Police Station!?!
 
#17
Gremlin said:
milsum said:
I'd recommend Arrse chat, but it's not as filthy as it used to be.
That's because you haven't been in for ages!
The only/best time for arrse chat is when I've been drinking alone and haven't spoken to a real human being in over 5 days, as it induces quite random and extreme filth from my finger tips, that is enhanced when there are others in there who are of the same temperament. Am off the booze for a while and therefore find even my own thoughts boorish and insipid. I shan't inflict them on others, and am not in a mood to entertain theirs. I may come back when I'm less of a dull cnut, and I hope you're still about when I do. :)
 
#18
milsum said:
The only/best time for arrse chat is when I've been drinking alone and haven't spoken to a real human being in over 5 days, as it induces quite random and extreme filth from my finger tips, that is enhanced when there are others in there who are of the same temperament. Am off the booze for a while and therefore find even my own thoughts borish. I shan't inflict them on others, and am not in a mood to entertain theirs. I may come back when I'm less of a dull cnut, and I hope you're still about when I do. :)
Actually I've found the opposite. I've been off hooch for a while now and have discovered that my mind (such as it is) is becoming progressively filthier and more inventive. I shall look forward to your return with glee, once you have decided to remove your head from its self imposed exile in your lower intestine! Or to put it more simply stop being an introspective brain-box and come and dish out some decent invective. :mrgreen:
 
#20
auscam said:
old_fat_and_hairy said:
Miner said:
vvaannmmaann said:
Casual sex with a stranger is a non starter.............
Make friends with them first then.
:roll:
Make it a more formal sort of sex. Wear a suit and shirt with tie. Or mess dress.
Say 'please' and 'thank you' like your mum taught you
Less of the antipodean incest-etiquette if you don't mind.
 

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