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Im disabled!! Rules are for the able-bodied!

#1
Was sitting at the traffic lights on the way home tonight idly watching the usual assortment of bods dawdling over the crossing. The usual thoughts crossed my mind: is the granny going to make it across before the man turns red and if not, will I be able to shock her into falling over when I hit her with some indignant close-range horn? Why didn't the fat guy in the ill-fitting suit do something about his weight the day he noticed his trousers becoming tighter? etc.. After imagining boning the girl in the red jacket they were all across. Probably another 15 seconds before we get green I thought.

I noticed a blind guy wearing a yellow hi-vis vest and carrying a blind-stick that must have been 2 metres long tapping his way along the pavement toward the crossing.

5 seconds to go to green.... Blind guy is now at the crossing. I'm in first. The clutch is a millimetre from biting and I have this funny feeling.... GREEN! He won't try to cross will he?!

Mr fücking Blunkett then smacks the base of the pole supporting the lights with his stick, immediately whips around to his left and gaily morses his way onto and over the crossing. I didn't mow him down but but this raises one or two questions: was he actually blind, was I had? If he was blind, was he deaf too? I mean, that annoying clicking noise from the push-button housing WAS designed for blind people wasn't it?! The extra long white stick led me to believe that he was a very careful blind person because I've definitely seen others getting around with much less length :twisted: Am I being uncharitable or should the disabled just stay at home?



edited to add a bit - and again to add a winking smiley for certain people who think that I have a cabinet full of blind people's ears in my living-room....
 
#2
Neither. You need to change the way you think. Instead of pondering the vagaries of life and disabled people you should *still* have been thinking about the girl in the red jacket until you got home, or someone better walked by. By following the rule of concentrating on good things your life will relax (apart from your todger) and those disabled people will merely be an accesory allowing you to spend more time thinking about what really matters.
 
#4
semper said:
crabby said:
spend more time thinking about what really matters.
aye especially if your todger gets chopped off in an accident then you really are disabled
it doesn't bear thinking about... my poor little todger (well, not so little... :p) has gone all shy and retiring at even the thought, poor little mite, we shouldn't scare them so. They were only ever designed to be treated nicely
 
#5
Get a life, pondlife, you useless oxygen thief. I work with blind people and see an increasing number of ex squaddies, in fact I trained with an ex squaddie (sigs) who boxed for the army and lost his sight temporarily. It is easy to mock the cabbages and poke fun at the mongs who sometimes are indestinguisable from an officer, but it might happen to you one day. I see a lad down the gym, probably about your age, walking down the road one day, not a care in the world, car hit him; cant talk properly now, or walk properly, but he makes an effort to fight his disabilities. He cant help being a Watford supporter but thats what brain damage does to you.
I was up in Ely a cupple of years ago at their local hospital, young lad came in after an altercation. He had a snooker cue stuffed up his nose, through his skull and had blue chalk on the inside of the top of his skull. didnt do him a lot of good.

remember the next time you go down the pub and see some hoodies / hobbits and they get moody cos their nanny hasnt turned up. Are you going to stand up and fly the flag. No you aint. Remember when you get old, and your sight fails and your incontinence bag overflows and you smell of p*ss
 
#6
Yep agreed but if I spent my life worrying about every horrible thing that could possibly befall me then I think you'll agree that it wouldn't be much of a life. A. We're in the NAAFI.
B. If I ever lose my sight I'll be sure to come round and whip the paint off your car with my stick whilst pretending to look for some dropped keys OK?
 
#7
Once, in my callow youth, I happened upon a white stick, and so I donned a pair of Oakley’s and spent a thoroughly enjoyable afternoon wandering around town whacking fat people around the shins with said blind mans stick.
 
#8
bobos said:
Get a life, pondlife, you useless oxygen thief. I work with blind people and see an increasing number of ex squaddies, in fact I trained with an ex squaddie (sigs) who boxed for the army and lost his sight temporarily. It is easy to mock the cabbages and poke fun at the mongs who sometimes are indestinguisable from an officer, but it might happen to you one day. I see a lad down the gym, probably about your age, walking down the road one day, not a care in the world, car hit him; cant talk properly now, or walk properly, but he makes an effort to fight his disabilities. He cant help being a Watford supporter but thats what brain damage does to you.
I was up in Ely a cupple of years ago at their local hospital, young lad came in after an altercation. He had a snooker cue stuffed up his nose, through his skull and had blue chalk on the inside of the top of his skull. didnt do him a lot of good.

remember the next time you go down the pub and see some hoodies / hobbits and they get moody cos their nanny hasnt turned up. Are you going to stand up and fly the flag. No you aint. Remember when you get old, and your sight fails and your incontinence bag overflows and you smell of p*ss

Bet your a bundle of fun on the piss.
 
#10
The Lord Flasheart said:
bobos said:
Get a life, pondlife, you useless oxygen thief. I work with blind people and see an increasing number of ex squaddies, in fact I trained with an ex squaddie (sigs) who boxed for the army and lost his sight temporarily. It is easy to mock the cabbages and poke fun at the mongs who sometimes are indestinguisable from an officer, but it might happen to you one day. I see a lad down the gym, probably about your age, walking down the road one day, not a care in the world, car hit him; cant talk properly now, or walk properly, but he makes an effort to fight his disabilities. He cant help being a Watford supporter but thats what brain damage does to you.
I was up in Ely a cupple of years ago at their local hospital, young lad came in after an altercation. He had a snooker cue stuffed up his nose, through his skull and had blue chalk on the inside of the top of his skull. didnt do him a lot of good.

remember the next time you go down the pub and see some hoodies / hobbits and they get moody cos their nanny hasnt turned up. Are you going to stand up and fly the flag. No you aint. Remember when you get old, and your sight fails and your incontinence bag overflows and you smell of p*ss

Bet your a bundle of fun on the piss.


I second that motion :D :D :D :D
 
#11
bobos said:
Get a life, pondlife, you useless oxygen thief. I work with blind people and see an increasing number of ex squaddies, in fact I trained with an ex squaddie (sigs) who boxed for the army and lost his sight temporarily. It is easy to mock the cabbages and poke fun at the mongs who sometimes are indestinguisable from an officer, but it might happen to you one day. I see a lad down the gym, probably about your age, walking down the road one day, not a care in the world, car hit him; cant talk properly now, or walk properly, but he makes an effort to fight his disabilities. He cant help being a Watford supporter but thats what brain damage does to you.
I was up in Ely a cupple of years ago at their local hospital, young lad came in after an altercation. He had a snooker cue stuffed up his nose, through his skull and had blue chalk on the inside of the top of his skull. didnt do him a lot of good.

remember the next time you go down the pub and see some hoodies / hobbits and they get moody cos their nanny hasnt turned up. Are you going to stand up and fly the flag. No you aint. Remember when you get old, and your sight fails and your incontinence bag overflows and you smell of p*ss
You sound like a right fcukin' jinx :lol:
 
U

uncle_ho

Guest
#13
bobos said:
Get a life, pondlife, you useless oxygen thief. I work with blind people and see an increasing number of ex squaddies, in fact I trained with an ex squaddie (sigs) who boxed for the army and lost his sight temporarily. It is easy to mock the cabbages and poke fun at the mongs who sometimes are indestinguisable from an officer, but it might happen to you one day. I see a lad down the gym, probably about your age, walking down the road one day, not a care in the world, car hit him; cant talk properly now, or walk properly, but he makes an effort to fight his disabilities. He cant help being a Watford supporter but thats what brain damage does to you.
I was up in Ely a cupple of years ago at their local hospital, young lad came in after an altercation. He had a snooker cue stuffed up his nose, through his skull and had blue chalk on the inside of the top of his skull. didnt do him a lot of good.

remember the next time you go down the pub and see some hoodies / hobbits and they get moody cos their nanny hasnt turned up. Are you going to stand up and fly the flag. No you aint. Remember when you get old, and your sight fails and your incontinence bag overflows and you smell of p*ss
Mate, don't take things so seriously. It’s all banter. It’s very unlikely that in the cold light of day anyone here would really mock the blind or lame its just one of those re-occurring arrse themes that some people find amusing. Try not to be so poker faced and holier-than-thou!

Jump down from the sanctimonious horse follow me and keep guard outside the disabled loo while I loosen all the screws on those bars that are bolted to the wall, the ones they use to hurl themselves in and out of thier wheel chairs.
Together we can have a right good back slapping, guffawing laugh at some mongs expense.
 
#14
Please don't loosen the screws on the bars. They are great for gripping when you are having a quick bonk in the disabled loo- ideal place for a quicky (I hasten to add that you have to check that they aren't occupied first).

If there were no disabled, there wouldn't be those helpful big toilets! :wink:
 
#15
Thank fück there are still some people around with a sense of humour. Finding disabilities (Down's people in particular) funny was passed down to me by my top father. He was fair though and always made the distinction that those who had become disabled through injury were off the menu although dependant on the situation the odd exception was made. As I've said before he used to take us kids out for Sunday drives into 'middle-of-nowhere' german villages in the 1970s and I'd put his mong location success rate at around 60-70%. Quite impressive really. Another favourite Sunday outing was driving along the Berlin wall looking for the crosses which marked the locations of failed escape attempts. Yeah we went to fairs, zoos etc but the mong safaris were always a bit of a treat. I wonder whether crabby or bozo found the various ARRSE Tourette's threads funny? I could never prove it but I'm sure they'd be sitting there pis#ing themselves whilst desperately trying to stop the halo slipping...
 
#16
birduk said:
Please don't loosen the screws on the bars. They are great for gripping when you are having a quick bonk in the disabled loo- ideal place for a quicky (I hasten to add that you have to check that they aren't occupied first).

If there were no disabled, there wouldn't be those helpful big toilets! :wink:
Hear, hear. My daughter was conceived in a disabled loo at the golf club. It was spacious, had a little shelf with plastic flowers in a vase..set the mood briliantly...
 
#17
Stained_Eligius said:
Thank fück there are still some people around with a sense of humour. Finding disabilities (Down's people in particular) funny was passed down to me by my top father. He was fair though and always made the distinction that those who had become disabled through injury were off the menu although dependant on the situation the odd exception was made. As I've said before he used to take us kids out for Sunday drives into 'middle-of-nowhere' german villages in the 1970s and I'd put his mong location success rate at around 60-70%. Quite impressive really. Another favourite Sunday outing was driving along the Berlin wall looking for the crosses which marked the locations of failed escape attempts. Yeah we went to fairs, zoos etc but the mong safaris were always a bit of a treat. I wonder whether crabby or bozo found the various ARRSE Tourette's threads funny? I could never prove it but I'm sure they'd be sitting there pis#ing themselves whilst desperately trying to stop the halo slipping...

wtf???? I've not got a halo!!!! If you look through the tourettes thread you'll find my contributions and indeed in the "what is always funny" thread I was the one suggesting tourettes!!! Obviously there is sympathy, pity and tolerance of the disabled, but quite honestly if I had tourettes instead of them they'd be laughing at me niggerniggerf*cktits
 
#18
Cuddles said:
Hear, hear. My daughter was conceived in a disabled loo at the golf club. It was spacious, had a little shelf with plastic flowers in a vase..set the mood briliantly...
That's beautiful, brought a little tear to my eye... :) What did you call her? Louise?

I also find that it is rather helpful that the handdryer and sink are so low. Means you can use it like a little bidet afterwards. :wink:
 

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